I am fairly new to the PC forums. Recently, I have found myself careful about which threads I visit to avoid potential triggers for me while my T is away.

I was super-excited yesterday to receive a call from T's office asking if I would like to keep my appointment with him today. I was confused and under the impression he would be gone the next FOUR weeks ( I was gone the previous two) but immediately said, "YES"!

I asked his assistant about the change of plans and she just said, it was "hit and miss" and he would "happen" to be in today! I later realized I had a conflict with the appointment time. A few weeks ago, when I thought he would be gone, I scheduled an Ortho appointment for my child. I tried to re-schedule but was unsuccessful so had to cancel my appointment with T instead.

Today, as my child and I were finishing lunch and going to her appointment, Former T arrived. Now, I am a mess. I recognize it was the perfect opportunity to practice what I have learned in therapy, but for some reason every time I see him... my mind just goes to that place. Today, I fought it. I didn't want to feel it, I tried NOT to feel it, I wasn't very successful. I don't want to call T, especially since I had an opportunity to see him today and had to cancel it. I don't know what it is I need, and whatever it is...I am scared to ask for it.

[WePow]

Lost .... I think that you not being able to see your T because you were nurturing your child was a very wonderful reason to "miss" session. And I think that if your T allows you to call, that you should do so right away. You did not expect to run into your prior T. You do need your T at this point if that is what you feel inside. Big safe hugs to you!

[granite1]

lost i agree with weepow i think it is so cool to see a good mom taking care of her childs need first now it is your turn and i think you should call T if it is allowed

[rainbow8]

First I want to say you're a good Mom! I know that our kids come first, but sometimes it's hard when we feel like a kid too! I would have done the same, but I probably would have been angry and out-of-sorts, to say the least. Then running into your former T! Double whammy! If it were me, what I would need is to feel the connection for my current T, to sort of counteract the unexpected meeting with former T. You were triggered, and it's going to hurt. If the feelings don't go away, I think it's a worth a call to your T, if he's in town. You've got to talk care of YOU too.

Yes, I can leave a message for my T, although I haven't done so in the past 9 months. A part of me is afraid too. Like other PC friends, I don't want to appear too needy. Plus, I am hyper-sensitive to feelings of rejection lately, and I don't want to put myself in that place. I guess you could say, I am protecting myself from possibly being hurt again.

As for "that" place, I am not sure it was PTSD related, maybe it was? He has moved out of town. When I saw him today, I felt extreme sadness, humiliation, shame. I didn't want to FEEL anything, I tried to numb myself, to be stoic in front of my daughter. I quietly fought the anxety and grief until I was by myself and then I could no longer contain it. I pray that someday these feelings will subside. Thank you for your responses. It's good to have a place to come and get support during times when I feel alone.

[WePow]

Allow yourself the right to grieve. Pain is the body shedding the tears the eyes refuse to weep. Be honest. Be truthful to yourself. You deserve the time and space to mourn the loss of that T. Big hugs to you!!!!

[Elana05]

Hi lost in termination,

Caring for your child was important and caring for you is important too.
Four weeks is a long time for T to be away. I would feel on edge too.
Has your T left any one to cover? I know this seems weird - I haven't yet used the person my T gets to cover for her, but it might be helpful just to have a bit of support. Meanwhile we are all here for you.

E