Does your Ts age matter to you

My T is about nine years older. Does it matter do you think if they are older or younger than you and do the number of years between you make any difference. Just wondering how this affect T, if at all.

I prefer a T who is about 10-15 years older. Maybe younger than that, but certainly not any older than 45, unless the T is very young at heart.

They have to be old enough, and experienced enough, to know what they are doing!

Yes, I think they need to be old enough, but I was just meaning, to you personally, does their age compared to your age, matter to you. Is it better if they are a bit older than you, or similar age might be better. I doubt that younger would ever be good though. I dont know, maybe age doesnt matter at all. I tend to always find something to worry about.

I have a gut feeling that I can only work with a T older than me. I am in group therapy and I think the T is older than most of us - one person might be the same age but since they joined the question hasn't come up. Earlier in the group's history, age did come up and when I said I thought and hoped that our T was older than me, the focus was on why. Of course, she never said what age she was.

I still need some sort of parental role from a T and I am not sure how that transference would work if she were closer to me in age? It must work in practice because lots of Ts are younger than their clients.

I feel cross about this because it is ageist etc. but I hope if I ever work with a younger T, we would talk about this. I am 44 btw. so it is increasingly likely that any future Ts will be my age or less. But I hope this group lasts a long time and by the time I leave, I won't need therapy again. Fingers crossed etc.

I think I like one who is within 10 years of my age on either side. They can appreciate better the stage of life I am at if they are in it themselves or have gone through it before. I also prefer one with experience. I think at least 10 years experience would be the minimum for me. My current T is about 5 years older than I am. My first T was about 8 years younger. My PNP is 15 years older than I am, and I get on quite well with her. My family T was about 5 years older. He had a lot of teen and young adult clients, and I felt this was essential experience and interest for working with my daughter and me.

I think it matters more to me the Ts experience. Though I think that I would like my T to be at least 7-10 years older than me. I had a T who was a lot older and that worked well too. So as long as they had experience I think it would be fine.

My T is a only a few years older than me, so that is fine. We can understand eachother. But he still has the experience he needs to help me out. :-)

I want my T to be older, like a mother-figure. That being said, most my "surrogate" mothers are quite young--one is 29, two are mid-thirties, and only one is my actual mother's age. My T has never told me her age, I'd guess she was mid-fifties. She told me when I first started seeing her that as a college student she'd protested the War in Vietnam, which is probably the only thing I felt we had in common.

I wouldn't be very comfortable with someone too close to my age (being as I'm only 18 lol!), because of experience (or lack thereof), but also because I wouldn't be able to see them as the nurturing mother figure I seem to so desperately need.

I'm a teenager, so I prefer a young, hip kind of woman as a therapist. Mine's in her young 30s - young enough to be able to relate to me but not fresh out of college and inexperienced. It's a nice balance and I get along very well with her

Mine was about the same as yours in age older, suzzie, and that was great for me.

My T is 10 years older than me. It feels just right.

It doesn't matter how old my Ts have been. I had one that was a few years younger and I still thought of her as a mother figure. I had one that was about 20 years older and she was okay too. My current T is much younger than I am but it doesn't bother me at all. It's the connection that matters to me, not my Ts age.

I used to prefer young. The first T I saw was early 30s and I was 19. When my husband and I did marriage counseling we saw a T who had to be 90. I swear she kept falling asleep during our session so after 2sessions we quit. The one I see now is 70 and I absolutely love her. She has 6 kids and has great grandkids so her experience is great. She's young at heart and we really click. I think that's the most important for me.

It was definitely a factor in choosing him. I prefer a male, a bit older then myself. This way we are in similar stages of life. It would seem a bit odd talking to a single 20 something about my issues in parenting or in my long-term committment of marriage. I need to know my t has some real life experiences to relate to with me.

My ex T was a few mos younger than me, 26. I had a problem with it at first but I just let it be and it worked out to be the best relationship I ever had, then she got a better job at an actual insurance charging inpatient unit... I was going to the county mental healty center to see her.. It was/ is devastating.

Its an interesting point brought up here, that the Ts age be similar so you are in the same stage of life and can understand. I hadnt thought of that perspective, but it is a good point.

My old T was the same age as my younger sister and I found that a problem.

My current T is about 10 years older and that seems to be better for me.

I don't know about the similar stages in life. It depends on your issues, I guess. My T is my age and I find that makes it difficult to talk about things going on in life at a certain age. I feel like she must have similar age-related stuff going on in her life, and I'm afraid of bothering her by talking about my reflections on that.

While writing this I realise that this would not be a problem if she would show a reaction, whatever reaction, sometimes. She's the kind of T that pretends to be totally unaffected, and exactly that behaviour gives me the feeling she actually disagrees. Hmmm. That says something about me, I guess. I'm going off-topic, sorry!

So with a T in a similar stage in life, I clearly expect something like a connection on that stage in life. Since we don't have that connection, the similar stage in life feels more like a burden.

I've only had T's over 50 - so NOPE! No wait, i take that back... I had an intern once who was a bit younger. real $@&^. But that was his personality. 3 of them have been over 60... one might have been 45... Though I think it would be hard to work with some one my age because I feel I need to be more put together but with older T's they've seen enough people that I don't have to feel bad for my mental state.

what Kiya said: it's THE main reason I work with someone my age.... I worked with a few older ones and found myself wanting to be cared for(that seemed to be the thing I focused on mostly instead of settling the traumas and other things like having friendships and stuff), and not working as hard as I think I could have, thinking-- "well, you have had MORE time to get things together, so it's "time" that makes the difference NOT my thinking/behaviors"..... for me it seemed to become an excuse to not progress as much.....

with the current T., my age.... she's had the same amount of time as I have... so -- maybe i can get it together too?!
...... I've not any friends and all siblings are older and have mental struggles.... I think I need to see how one my age CAN be in a better state of mind and functional......

not that I CAN be just like that... but... I can sure do my best and do the work that leads me to inner peace/balance/healing.....
though, I do get a sick stomach from the work..... yuk.....

hearts to all

fins

Hi Suzzie, I wondered why you are asking. Are you currently worried about your T's age? It is interesting, as far as I remember, there was another, similar thread a few months or so ago, so this seems to surface as a common concern from time to time.