[granite1]

putting trigger to be safe no SA but strong sexual content may trigger

i dont know what to say about some things i did when in mexico.i have no idea if i should even try to find a way to let t know that things really are wrong and getting dangerous.when i go out with friends i have always been a bit flirtatious with others.male or female but i have always been able to draw a line at least at this point in my life.this is what was going on at a little hole in the wall club my friend and i fount in cancun.we would go thare and drink and dance a bit to nasty wiyh all the workers and flash the cars driving by and stuff like that.it got us free drinks all night.we have gone to this bar often when we have gone to cancun and it has never gone any further than this always fun.this time seemed differnt with me and my behavior and my willingness to controle myself.in fact i am covered with bruses all over my arms from me startin to wrestle with the guys and it getting real ruff.thats just not me maybe old me but not now me.my friend was down with it and all was safe.in fact i gave no real thought to what i was doing.turns out this is a big problem.the next day something upsets me really bad.i a girl in our party told me to shut up or something i got unbelieveably angry.i left them all in the hotel room and went to the loby and drank 4 double taquilas before my BF came down to check on me i told her i was going to the club and she came with me.i dont know what happened if i was angry or wanting to have fun or forget life or what but things got way out of controle.we were dancing on the bar with guys no big deal did it all the time.flashing flirting,etc.but then i'm taking it a step further ang i'm pulling out this strangers private parts and playing with it teasing and chalenging him etc...i was thinking nothing of it i was just playing a game it meant nothing to me if we had sex or anything it didnt matter i just wanted to be doing what i was doing.when my BF saw what was going on she just about fell off her seat.the guy i was doing this with didnt speak english so it was hard to get him to back off i guess bbut my BF got me out of the bar and on our way back to the hotel.on the way home my friend grabs me and yells at me i cant beliece you were -uckin- doing that.what the he== is wrong with you?at the time i couldnt understand what her problem was.if i wanted to do what i was doing what was it her busness.now i'm kind of glad she was thare.i really dont know what came over me exsept i wanted to be doing what i was doing and i cared about nothing else...this happen to anyone else.i wonder if it is important to try and find a way to let T know something is really wrong with the way i was thinking then.or maybe it was ok i dont know .but i think a lot of you know how hard it is for me to even open my mouth in T and i seriously wonder if this is worth trying.i just dont think it will happen and i am at home now.

[Melbadaze]

I found I had to quit drinking completely, I use to engage in a lot of risky behaviour when drinking. Strange how now I dont drink, the risky behavours have stopped too. I was also told to tell T if I begun drinking again, as therapy wouldnt work if I did.

[WikidPissah]

I honestly think you NEED to bring this up with your T. A least a "hint" on your behavior. Maybe saying something like "I had a little too much to drink, and my behavior turned risky"....of course T is going to ask what you mean by risky. If you aren't comfortable getting into details just say that.

Do you find you only have these behaviors when drinking?

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Melbadaze

I found I had to quit drinking completely, I use to engage in a lot of risky behaviour when drinking. Strange how now I dont drink, the risky behavours have stopped too. I was also told to tell T if I begun drinking again, as therapy wouldnt work if I did.

hi melba i'm not a big drinker at all and i have never taken things as far as i did at this point in my life i'm married and very much in love with my husband.it all just seemed ok with me.when i was younger i would always ingage in these sort of adventures.sex has never been about love or intamacy for me at all it has always been totally emotionless.i mean i enjoy sex and all but it is just something to do.no love or anything involved.when i wasnt married something like this wouldnt have bothered me at all.it didnt this time untill the next morning when my friend gently gave me a reality check about what i was accually doing.the fact that i was so ok with whatever at the time is what scares me

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Eileen2010

I honestly think you NEED to bring this up with your T. A least a "hint" on your behavior. Maybe saying something like "I had a little too much to drink, and my behavior turned risky"....of course T is going to ask what you mean by risky. If you aren't comfortable getting into details just say that.

Do you find you only have these behaviors when drinking?

some day maybe i will if it gets any worse i have a heck of a time telling my T anyhting

[AtreyuFreak]

I did this to an extent when I drank a lot...it ended up in a rather non-consensual night, after which point I quit drinking completely. Would not have happened if I wasn't drunk; when I think about it now, I feel I probably led him on or at least didn't discourage his behavior until it was too late, which explains why I think it was my fault. Know that doesn't help you much, sorry

[Melbadaze]

drinking isn't about "how-much" its what it does to us when we drink.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Melbadaze

drinking isn't about "how-much" its what it does to us when we drink.

melba maybe you are right and it may be a good idea not to drink for a wile thats for shure

[Perna]

I don't know that these past behaviors need to be fully described to T but how you "feel" about them now maybe does? That you're still thinking about them and thinking about "how could I have done that?" and whether you could do the same in the future, etc. I would just tell T that you engaged in "risky sexual behavior" and go from there with your feelings.

[geez]

Is this a sex addiction? - no feelings about what happens before and during the behavior? - I would talk to your T about this.

When you aren't drinking are you looking to engage in behavior with just about anyone?

[pachyderm]

"Can women enjoy casual sex? And if they can, should they?"

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...ex-should-they

All I would say is: will there be consequences? Ones that you did not plan on? Something to consider.

[eskielover]

Maybe also a look at your emotions or lack of emotions even with your husband......sorry, but sex with your husband should have a closeness, & bond that pulls both closer together.

There have been studies made about all the casual sex before marriage takes away the true feeling of sex between husband & wife.....sounds like you are a prime example of that being true.

Is that really how you want your marriage to be?

Maybe discussing your emotions & your value system might be an interesting place to start with your T. It's sad that you were only bothered when your friend reminded you with a reality check. You reality seems like it might be off a little bit from where most other people are coming from.....maybe it might also be something for you to look at & if that's really how you want to be?

Obviously your decision & your life, but when it's so far off that other people are pointing this out, you still have underlying values that exist even when you are drunk that define right from wrong even when covered up by alcolhol. Sounds like you need to do some self defining of your values. Does your husband understand your feelings or are you hiding them from him also?

Just many questions that my mind is wondering about?