[Christina86]

So. Today I had the last appointment ever with my psychiatrist. I'm no longer on antidepressants either but I'm leaving my university so it had to end.

It was... good? sad? depressing? relieving?

I don't know. Gotta process it first but he really will always be my favourite psychiatrist. I still have his at home office number though to call if I need it but I really don't want to bother him.

This week (Friday) I also end therapy with the therapist I've been seeing a few months. Not going to be overly traumatic and she already said to drop her an email sporadically to let her know how things are going.

Man. Termination kinda really sucks.

[zooropa]

((((((christina)))))))

[Amazonmom]

Hugs for you



You graduated from therapy! Is that a better word than termination, I thing so.

[googley]

Ending T is really hard. I hope you are able to continue with whatever treatment you still need when you move.

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by zooropa

((((((christina)))))))

Thanks for the hugs.

Originally Posted by Amazonmom

Hugs for you

You graduated from therapy! Is that a better word than termination, I thing so.

I like that, better cognitive reframing to call it graduating!!

Originally Posted by googley

Ending T is really hard. I hope you are able to continue with whatever treatment you still need when you move.

I hope I can too, I really do. At the moment all of my funding is up in the air as to whether I can see my T (from this past year) in September or not, and if not her (due to lack of $$) then perhaps I can find time to see a former T who is actually at the college I'm going to be attending (which would be free). AHHHHHHH. How are people so grown up about this sort of thing?! It makes me nuts.

Thanks

[Christina86]

A sorta update about what happened in session. Still so many emotions and whatnot though to sort out but I've never been good about writing about them!

Had my very last appointment with my most awesome psychiatrist.

After six years in university, I'm no longer a student. I'm also no longer on antidepressants. So we ended our therapeutic relationship. No, I don't like it at all. The appointment was good as always though. First thing that was unusual, I actually decided to transfer out of my wheelchair into a "normal" chair. He seemed surprised about that although he knows I could do it. He told me some stories about things that have happened to him he thinks I can relate to, as well as anonymous stories sometimes about former clients. He always has the most useful things to say! I cried. We talked about my future and how far I've come in therapy and in the psychotherapy group he co-leads with a former counsellor of mine. I gave him the card I wrote for him. I'm still allowed to call him (he has a home office) but I doubt he'd ever respond unless necessary since he's that kind of person. Funny thing though - he lives in the neighbourhood of my church! But anyways, we talk about random things. I tell him I still have a "button" he made me in one of the groups - we were doing crafts. He made me something I can wear that says "Precious" (sort of like "Handle with Care", but he wanted to say something more than that I was just a bunch of breakable stuffs ). Why? That week I was assaulted by a guy and I suppose he just wanted to make me feel better. Mission accomplished! We talked about his reasons behind taking me off my antidepressants, which I agree with now that he spoke more about it. I do miss having them though because I miss being "happy", even if I seemed a bit out of it at times. Regardless, he did say that I could do whatever I wanted in the future. I may have to call him and ask for a referral to a mood disorders clinic though, because he's "diagnosed" me with dysthymia (form of depression) and says I have borderline personality disorder traits. The more I think about it, the more I realize he's probably right even if I hate the idea of having BPD. Cried more at random spots. Told him how much I'm going to miss having someone to talk to. We talked about "loss" and moving on. He made me smile a couple of times and laugh, just like he usually does. He asked me if I had any advice for HIM for the future. I couldn't think up anything at the time. I couldn't even think of how I wanted to be remembered, but he said he'd remember me by the first act I did in the appointment - I sat in a "regular" chair, like someone who isn't disabled and who is normal. Something I'm always striving to be, unusual as it may sound. It is unusual for me to switch chairs like that. I also mentioned a sharp & pointy object I gave to him once upon a time and told him I wouldn't ask for it back (he actually said he had hoped I wouldn't bring it up, wanting it back since I have asked before and I tend to go nuts). I told him not to remember me by that object though. I apparently get an "A" for progress in therapy! Yay me. (He asked me if I wanted a therapy grade, since I'm always striving to know how I'm doing in things lol). And then he shook my hand, and the meeting ended. I can still call him and leave him messages though which is nice. And who knows, I may decide to go back to school again at the same university before he retires.

(I think if I went back to university again he'd think I was waffling. He did say some people are perpetual students and that I can succeed academically, but if I'm in school forever I'll go nuts)

[Perna]

I'm sorry you had them both in one week and are leaving university soon too, etc. I hate a lot of major changes like that at once; only had that happen once in recent times and it took me a year or more to get completely over it (I was "fine" that year but just not all "me").

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by Perna

I'm sorry you had them both in one week and are leaving university soon too, etc. I hate a lot of major changes like that at once; only had that happen once in recent times and it took me a year or more to get completely over it (I was "fine" that year but just not all "me").

Major changes all at once SUCK!

Anyways.

Had my last therapy session EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR with my therapist yesterday. It went ok. Thankfully (although this sounds bad) I didn't feel as attached to her, because I'd only been seeing her over part of the summer. But it still sucks. Now I'm in limbo between schools, and not even having the opportunity to think about getting a therapist before school starts up again in two weeks!

She actually told me to email her sporadically to tell her how things are going. I thought that was very sweet of her to do.

I called my (now former) pdoc today and left him a message. He had wanted me to give him some advice (like friendly advice, in general) so I got around to thinking about it and called him. I also did ask for a referral, but we'll see if he actually gets around to phoning me back. (Knowing him, it'll be phone tag for weeks...)

Thanks for the support y'all.

[mixedup_emotions]

You really have a lot on your plate here, with everything happening at once....and you're handling it very well!

I'm glad you're reaching out to get your needs met....that's important.

Sitting in the "regular" chair must have been an amazing moment....one that I'm sure your pdoc will never forget....Wow.

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

You really have a lot on your plate here, with everything happening at once....and you're handling it very well!

I'm glad you're reaching out to get your needs met....that's important.

Sitting in the "regular" chair must have been an amazing moment....one that I'm sure your pdoc will never forget....Wow.

I don't think I'm handling it very well. I haven't done anything crazy, but at the same time - internal freakout always in progress!

Needs met... hmm... I never thought about it like that!

Pdoc was surprised. He was more surprised when I was in the psychotherapy group with him, and one day I just sat in the chair for the entire meeting. I think everyone was shocked I could do that and appear "normal"!

(I'll say this though, I don't know how you all do it. His chair was bloody uncomfortable. I'm in mine 8+ hours a day, but mine is a lot more comfy than that one! I like rolly-chairs though. So much more fun than my wheelchair )

Oh gah. I miss my pdoc. I miss my therapists. I miss my university and I'm still going to be back there for two days next week.

I still don't get this "loss" thing. And now no therapist to talk about it with.

He (pdoc) said I needed to find someone to talk to. I never realized how much I actually LIKED talking about myself before this. (Up to a point I never would talk about myself at all)

[mixedup_emotions]

Loss is soooooo hard.

I've heard from my T - and from things I've read - that it's important to have a good support network in real life....I don't have that. I have pretty much shut myself off from the real world at the moment....

But we have PC....and PC has been such a wonderful support group for me....

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

Loss is soooooo hard.

I've heard from my T - and from things I've read - that it's important to have a good support network in real life....I don't have that. I have pretty much shut myself off from the real world at the moment....

But we have PC....and PC has been such a wonderful support group for me....

Thanks I PC. I wish I had continuing real life support but at this moment everythings kinda all muddled up. Ah well. Thanks for your support and wisdom!