[googley]

I hate talking about money. Especially with T. I had to decide if I could afford to come back to T or if I was going to have to search around to find someone cheaper. With getting the job babysitting I am going to be able to pay for my T sessions. Every dollar I will make will go towards that. The rest of my life will be supported through my school loans. Last year I had to take long breaks from T because I could not afford to keep paying. In going back I assumed that the cost of T would be the same, and that is what I based my decision on. When I went to T last night, at the end of the session T said that we should talk about $ the next session. I told her I assumed that it would be the same amount as last year. I'm not sure if she is okay with that. But it is what I planned being able to pay. I can't have the same stress I had last year about money. Freaking out I wont be able to pay for food or rent. Was I wrong to assume that she was going to charge me the same amount? She didn't really give a yes or no answer to my statement. Now I don't know what to do about it? I hate talking about money.

[zooropa]

ugh, googley, I'm sorry. That really sucks, I feel so lucky to not have to talk $ w/my T, I know it would be triggering for me.

I'm wondering, was your T giving you a special rate before, or were you paying her regular fee? I wouldn't think it would change, but then I don't know how these things work.

[googley]

I was paying her on a sliding scale, because that is the only way I can afford it. I don't know what to expect now.

[zooropa]

I think it was kind of...not nice? of her to not answer you one way or the other when you said you assumed it would be the same fee. I wouldn't want to sit with that not knowing for a week, either.
But, googley, it'll be okay. It worked out that you have the extra income to pay T and you got to go see her again, and I just don't think at this point you're going to suddenly find out you can't afford it after all. That's kind of not how things work. Try, and I know it's hard, but TRY to not worry about it, try to just put it aside until next week, and trust that it'll work out the way it's working out.

[googley]

Okay. I'm going to try and breath. In, out, in, out.

[zooropa]

that's the way, googley! I was kind of having a panic attack a couple of hours ago, sitting in my car in the parking lot of the grocery store. I tried to just follow my breath, and it helped. If only I had a little T I could carry around with me to remind me to do that more often.

[seventyeight]

hi googley, can you call her now and ask about it? it seems like it would be super stressful to have to wait, and it doesn't seem like the type of thing that *has* to be done face to face.

also i was thinking that maybe you could tell her more about the details if your budget.. like even type it out and give it to her. maybe it would help her to know that you only have X amount of money and that every 'extra' penny is going to her. just an idea..

[googley]

Originally Posted by zooropa

that's the way, googley! I was kind of having a panic attack a couple of hours ago, sitting in my car in the parking lot of the grocery store. I tried to just follow my breath, and it helped. If only I had a little T I could carry around with me to remind me to do that more often.

I want a T to carry around in my pocket too. If you figure out how to do that will you let me know so I can do it?

Originally Posted by seventyeight

hi googley, can you call her now and ask about it? it seems like it would be super stressful to have to wait, and it doesn't seem like the type of thing that *has* to be done face to face.

She's really not the best with the phone. (Actually she is pretty awful.) I rather just wait even though it will be until next week. Especially since it isn't an emergency and she first brought it up at the end of session and said we could talk about it next week. I do have to say I hate it when she brings up things at the end of session, though I can see why she wanted to work on reconnection first before diving in to business.

I'm trying to figure out what I deserve. I want to pay my T what she is worth and I know that I can't really pay that. But I don't know that I can stand being as tight on money as I was last year. I want to be able to save up a little amount of money for an emergency and right now I don't have any. Plus I want to be able to save up money to visit my brother. But I can't do these things if I can't save up a little money. I don't know if it is selfish of me to want these things? Should this money go to my T instead?

[Amazonmom]

You shouldn't have to account every last dime to your T. I bet if your T knew she was now charging significantly more she would have mentioned it earlier.

[sunrise]

I don't know if her comments imply she will charge more, but I think any T should let the client know what the fee will be before she starts meeting with the client. I think it strange that she didn't give you a straight answer about the fee when you brought it up. Now you have all week to worry about it (I know I would!). I will keep my fingers crossed for you, googley.

[Sannah]

I think that it is actually good practice to learn to not worry. We can't have instant guarantees about all of our concerns. This worrying comes with the having issues territory I think. I had it. I learned, however, that I can put it aside and not worry about it. You can have this conversation with your T and work it out. Please have faith that you can have this conversation with your T and that you will work it out. You know, I think this comes from the lack of communication in dysfunctional families that we all experienced while growing up. Nothing was disscussed. Healthy people discuss things and things work out. This is something that we all can learn.

[Elana05]

Wow Googley,

I can really relate. The other day I told T that I hadn't checked my bank account for 2 weeks, so don't ask. Then I had to sob for more time than I wanted.

But, no it is not selfish at all to ask for what you paid before, even less. That is what a sliding scale is for and you are doing this as a form of self-care to lessen your anxiety. Just talking about money in therapy is brave. I'd say stick to your guns! Something like,

"Here is what I can pay." (Amount you truly feel comfortable with)
"I sincerely hope that this amount will work for you as meeting with you is very important to me and I don't want to have to skip sessions if I can possibly avoid it."

E