[jazzy123456]

I feel like the "boy who cried wolf" (btw I'm a girl though, lol) when I started therapy earlier this year, I guess I did have legitimate problems... I had recurrent thoughts of suicide... that was in like, february and march...speed up till today, I have none of that & my depression is no where near as intense...but, I emailed my therapist so much during my hardcore depression and now I feel like if I emailed her now, continuously, she'll get fed up... or think I'm too clingy. i feel like my "before" problems is nothing compared to now... so now when I am really in trouble, I am afraid she will ignore me... hints..."the boy who cried wolf..." Technically, I went to therapy for problems to deal with in my past and now, everything is falling apart in the present. However, I don't know if many of you could deal with the kind of sporadic therapy I've had to deal with, I've taken a "month" break in between, 3 week break in between, i think a "month and a half" too, all for reasons that were beyond my control...and I know I have not seen my therapist in over a month and 1 week, due to reasons outside of my control, her getting sick, me getting sick, etc... to me, I'm thinking, wouldn't that make it okay that I feel the need to email her? I wonder if she understands how hard it is to not be able to have that continuous time... and for therapy to be sporadic...i dont think she comprehends how difficult that is for me and it bothers me..... the following paragraph is what I would like to email her... let me know what you think? if i should? it feels unfair that we've had to cancel three appointments by now, and no matter if we have, i shouldn't have contact...that just doesn't seem right....this is what I want to send her below....

was curious, i remember talking about hypersensitivity and like, I need to know what to do---I'm too overwhelmed by "stimuli," I guess thats how they phrase it?...i'm so sensitive that since my mom has chest pain, shes very sick, i have recurrent chest pain, my entire body aches, because of all of the difficult emotions/situations in my life right now, I'm exausted because of all of the hard work in the business, even just thinking about it exausts me, i'm only 21 and having to run a business because my mom is sick. i have hair breakage out of stress, i get nauseous when I try to eat food for some reason, because of all of the disrespectful comments from Derek buzzing in my head like, "your anorexic," "your pretty but, do you see that girl? you need to dress/look more like her,"..( I've felt upset about his words ever since I refused to have contact with him), on top of it, I am sick from recent surgery. in addition, i have recurrent pain in my back from the chiropracter appointment...i feel like i am going to pass out. i didn't know if you had a suggestion of some sort...if I could pin point what I needed to do to let out all of this overbearing energy I would but, I can't. hypersensitive people have more energy directed towards them, in a sense, we are "allergic" to life. its so wierd because instead of all of this happening I would usually cry or get mad....now i'm neither expressing anger or sadness, only being as responsible as I can, and I have all this stuff happening instead.

should I send that? i usually want to email her when i am overwhelmed..I wonder if she truly understands how hard my life is right now? because i would like for her to have more compassion since we've had so many cancellations of appointments..ONLY ONCE did she ever call me, initiate.. and that was because she, i guess, sensed that need in me, that I was overwhelmed... and if she sensed it then, why can't she sense it now... and the day she called me can't even compare to the emotions bubbling inside of me currently...i mean, really! she knows my mom had a heart attack, i had to let her know that, in order to cancel the appointment...

HERES the last response to when i said my mom had a heart attack.
super short. why do therapist do that? i never ever call her. why can't i do that?

I'm sorry that things have been hard on your end of late. Wow. I'll certainly lift up your mom, your family and you, as you walk through that...it's tough when those unexpected things throw a wrench into life...

Blessings,

MY T---- remains anonymous on this site.

So, she validates that things have been hard for me. should i send the other email then? what is it going to take to not let my hypersensitivity get the best of me!?
sooo overwhelmed.
and frustrated.

[ECHOES]

I think your T's reply is right in line with most T's responses to contact outside of the therapy time. When contact between sessions is possible, it is pretty limited because therapy needs to take place face to face and in the therapy session. Contact between sessions is more about keeping the connection, so we can hold on to that until we can be face to face again. An email or phone call just to connect is reassuring and they do understand that, and how important it is. I can imagine your T also understands that it is hard to have so many things happen that keep you and T from being able to meet for so long and would be fine with a call or email about you missing her and missing having regular sessions with her.

You have a lot going on, many worries and responsibilities. I hope you can get back to regular sessions with your T to help with all of the stress that you feel in so many ways.

[WePow]

If your T allows emails, then I say spill the beans. You need to have the emotional venting. Just let it all go and tell her what you feel. I do that with my T because he allows it. And I would not make it without that. One day soon I will be able to make it without emailing him. But I NEED my T to be there when I can't take the weight on my own. Even if your T doesn't respond much, just the act of telling can be strong medicine. Just stay within the boundary your T has set.

[Sannah]

I would send it. She can't know you need her unless you tell her. It is okay to ask for what we need.

Originally Posted by jazzy123456

i would like for her to have more compassion since we've had so many cancellations of appointments..

(((((((((((((jazzy))))))))))))))

Even though you say what's going on in your life, you don't mention in your e-mail how the cancellations of appointments feels, or that you would like to come see her. If that is what you need her to know, could you share that with her as well?

I am allowed to e-mail my T, and it does help, but it helps MOST when I am very very clear about what I need. The things that are going on in my head are SO obvious to me, and it FEELS like he should be able to "read between the lines", but he can't. He only knows what I tell him. So, if I need an appointment, I have to ask for one. If I need him to tell me I'm okay, I need to ask for that (that was *my* most recent e-mail to T).

I SO understand about wishing T would initiate contact. My T only contacts me if *I* contact him first. We talked about it this summer when I "hinted" that I wanted him to call me and he didn't and I was angry. He said "you are an adult, and you can have your needs met, but you have to ask" and I asked him "well, don't you have adult friends that you call out of the blue when they're having a hard time?"...and he said yes, he does, but that THIS relationship is different. And it is. But the thing I do know is that he will ALWAYS meet my needs if I ask (and if he can). Having to learn to ask him for what I need has helped me learn to ask people outside of therapy to meet my needs as well - and has even helped me to figure out that I *have* needs - and that has been huge and good.

I'm sorry things are so hard right now I hope you are able to schedule an appointment to get the support that you need and deserve.

[WikidPissah]

I think you should send it Jazzy...but tack onto the bottom that you need an appointment very soon.