[MissCharlotte]

I am joining a group T is starting next week. So I will be going to individual only once per week and group once per week. I'm really nervous about this. I don't know if I am ready to share T and I don't know if group will be too stimulating for me--overwhelming, you know? The relationship is hard enough as it is and the whole idea does make me anxious. On the other hand, I think that if I could work through these feelings and bring myself whole to the group then I might have a chance to heal in a deeper way. I grew up in the middle of five and was somewhat lost as a child. So I'm afraid of being in intimate groups.

Anyone out there been in group want to share their experiences? Especially with the first session?

I don't want to know T's other clients. I prefer to pretend he's all mine.

[Luce]

I can understand your feelings. You may find that what you are able to get out of the group experience is greater than the conflict that you feel. Or, it may be the other way around. If it doesn't work out for you you can quit. If you don't go, you may miss out on a potentially helpful healing tool.

I have been in a group t situation that was co-led by my individual t and another t at her centre. I hadn't been in t with her long at that stage and it helped me develop a stronger trust in her, because I was able to see that she was the same, or continuous (or something like that, which was important for me at the time). I also developed close friendships with two of the other group members, who were both clients of my t. Those friendships turned out to be critical for me for the next ten years.
But there were things I didn't like about the group. One woman seemed to dominate every session, and there was another woman in it who just plain scared me. But, I stuck with it for the full length of the course as the benefits outweighed the negatives for me.
Ultimately I guess the only way you can test if it will be that way for you is by giving it a go.

[ECHOES]

MissCharlotte, I don't have group experience to share, but the idea fascinates me.
Sharing T seems like it would be so hard, but never having had to do that, I don't know. Maybe it would be whole separate kind of relationship that adds even more depth and dimension.

I just wanted to stop by with a and wish you lots of good experiences with your group!

[Kiya]

Miss C, my experience is a lot like Luce's.... This year i am now invited to groups so i have jumped on every one. It is a relief to see that T is the same with everyone else as with me - and I actually smile when I see the facial expressions; almost like T and I are sharing an inside joke because we both know this 'tact' that the person is trying isn't going to fool t. ANd like Luce, there is always one that dominates *grrr* but even that is a good learning experience. Last group I learned to speak up and ask this person to please stop. It's the hardest thing I've ever done - it didn't even really work, but it helped me build experience. And on the worst day, T had me spend some extra time in her office recovering.
In my current group, every week i say "If this is how this group is going to be, I don't think i can stay in it..." And we talk through that and T helps me learn. I have the ability to quit if i need to. In fact, I'm in 2 groups right now; one with the other group t from spring, and one with a different lady. Both are really super hard and deep and taking their toll on me - and really important. This is a whole new level of healing. And I do like the friendships I am making in my groups - they are really valuable.
I think you are very brave for considering this - and know that in the groups you get to say or not say what you like. It is scary at first, but it is like a safe scary pretty quick - with everyone facing something similar together.

((((((((((((Miss))))))))))))

I've tried really hard to find a therapy group for female survivors of CSA and haven't been able to find one (for years!) and every once in a while, I'll ask T "why don't you start a group?"...and the last time I asked, a couple of months ago, he said "I'm thinking about it"

I'm not sure what it would feel like to share my T. Sometimes I think it would feel good...like here is this group of people and we are lucky enough to share such an awesome, healing T. Other times...I'm scared I'll feel lost in the crowd.

I know that whatever feelings it brought up for me would lead to more healing, though. And more healing is always good.

Will you let us know how it goes, Miss? When does the group start?

[WikidPissah]

I went to a dbt group for several mos. I had a really hard time, because I am extremely shy. I found myself unable to share at all. There were several people with strong personalities who kind of took over the group. One woman in particular knew all the answers and kind of showed off her knowledge every meeting. It really bothered me how impressed T was with her, and how often T complimented her.

On the flip side however; the others in the group really enjoyed it and got a lot out of it. So it was just me and my personality that didn't tolerate it well. You may very well love it and enjoy it as others do.

I was in a group of 8 survivors of childhood sexual abuse. It was led by my t at the time and another t. We met once a week for about two years before it disbanded because the therapists had to move on for various reasons. It was a wonderful experience. Hard. But enlightening and moving.

I didn't find it hard to "share" my t at all. I actually found it harder to get used to the other t. We learned so much from each other in the group, that your focus is more on the other members than the therapist, in my experience anyway.

[MissCharlotte]

PC buddies,

You are all so helpful and knowledgeable. Thank you. I am going to try out this group next week and we'll see where it goes. I am both curious and nervous. I was able to talk it through with T this morning and he acknowledged my fears and validated them and soothed me. I will see him individually each week as well. Soooooo I will let you know how it goes! YIKES

f you don't go, you may miss out on a potentially helpful healing tool.

Luce, that is exactly why I will go. I want the chance for greater healing.

Maybe it would be whole separate kind of relationship that adds even more depth and dimension.

Echoes--How astute! This is exactly what T said today during my individual session. He was preparing me for the group and I told him about my fear of sharing him and he said that in group his role would be different and I still would have my individual session.

and taking their toll on me - and really important. This is a whole new level of healing.

Kiya--yes I am worried about the toll they will take but craving the healing.

I'm scared I'll feel lost in the crowd.

Tree--EXACTLY!!! But T thinks I will be okay so we'll give it a go. It starts next Monday.

I had a really hard time

Eileen--I'm sorry group was so hard for you. T told me that if I feel that way I can quit and he won't be upset in any way.

your focus is more on the other members than the therapist

Farmergirl--that is what T said today, when he told me it would be different in group. He said his role would be less prominent than it is in session.

[Kiya]

Farmgirl "your focus is more on the other members than the therapist", this has been my experience also.

Tonight was odd in a couple ways. my T was finally back from overseas and I was so glad. I was also ashamed because I had faltered with SI and such. I wanted/needed her so bad, but didn't want to have to look at her directly for 2 hours. So I sat directly next to her. Something I've never done. I tried to act nonchalant about it, then found I really didn't have to act. She treated me no different than usual, and I got to make eye contact when i knew she was looking directly at me (aka, when I wanted to).

The other thing was that we were doing a sort of role play, as a demo of "how to... how not to..." and my T asked who would be comfortable volunteering. Well the other T raised her hand and mine went up before my brain could sort out what Other T was doing. I then thought SURELY one or two others would also volunteer. I was mistaken. So, I was play acting with the Other T (who i have been in group therapy with since May in a different group, so i kinda know her...) which was an interesting blend of nerves, my old acting days, GT's nerves which I could clearly see, and my own xanax :P But I liked it. I've not done that before.

I guess I say all this to say that GT has really different dynamics. I am strongly aware of both T's, and yet like farmgirl mentioned, the needs of individuals, and also needs of self within group, trump them. I don't think I had this awareness in my very first group a few years ago. T felt I was not able to self soothe enough for groups and knew she could not attend to me in person if i needed to leave. But I have grown some muscle since then, and like where I am at.

I hope it is a good experience for you.
hugs, kiya

[sunrise]

MissC, I'm really interested in your experience with group T as I've been thinking of looking for a support group too. I hope it goes well for you next week and the experience is positive enough for you to continue. Although I haven't been in group therapy with my T, I have seen him outside of his office in groups of people, interacting with them. It is really interesting to see how he is with other people, what he says and how he says it, etc. This experience helped me to know him better and give me more confidence that how he presents to me in session is how he really is. It could be you would get some of the same from being in group with your T.

Good luck.