My Latest Session (Termination Talk)

Cmac,
I'm glad you have such a supportive therapist. It sounds like you don't have any reason to worry about it, she's going to be there for you.

Peaches, I don't know if this makes it any better, but schema therapy agrees with you- "In line with the limited reparenting concept, it is important that the bond between patient and therapist remains, even when treatment is formally stopped". The example the authors give is contacting the therapist when important events occur (wedding, birth of child, death of parent), and the therapist responding with a card.

I had only ever experienced the all to nothing terminations you describe, and when I read that, it blew my mind. It gave me the courage to ask my therapist what her policy was, though I did this indirectly by texting her to ask whether her own former therapist knew about the birth of her child. She responded: "Of course she knows. I think it is important for a therapeutic relationship (and one so important in one's life) not to disappear altogether at the end of therapy, can't imagine how it possibly could and how that would be a helpful/therapeutic thing".

Knowing this has totally changed my day to day experience of therapy. I know I can be in some kind of relationship with my T 'forever' and she will know the important things about my life which will happen partly because of her help. I do not have to protect myself from or constantly anticipate the loss of her, because I'm not going to lose her.

From what you wrote, it seems your T is not saying it will be 'nothing' when she retires. I think it's definitely a good sign that she asked how you'd feel about monthly phonecalls. I do understand that it's so very very hard to think and talk about though, especially as the ending will be because of her retirement rather than because you're finished or ready.

I think something that would be good for therapists of this kind of client to know is: the client may well not ask, because the client got punished, or ignored, when she did ask for help as a child, and expects that to continue in the present day.

Once you get the T-assurance securely "inside" of you, then it won't leave you, no matter what.

I agree, Pachy. I would never have believed it, but the few times I held Ts hand seem to be enough. I don't want more and more, as other Ts warned. I can think about it and feel satisfied. I may need "booster shots" in the future, but it IS inside of me, like you said. Even when I'm not in therapy with her, the good feelings she gave me will be with me. Peaches, I hope that happens to you too.