T gave me Homework

i wasnt able to talk much i think i spoke aboit 4 words maybe 5 but she wanted me to write her a letter with some thoughts in them like the 2 letters i wrote her.i told her i didnt want to be in the place i was when i wrote those letters.so she said i could write about the place i want to be in or the perfect place i want to be in.but i cant mail it she wants me to bring it with me next week and read it i think.not so shure i understood het well but i will give it a try

i actually communicate with my t better when i write letters to her. i can think better that way and take my time getting things out of my head. less pressure. the hard part is reading it out loud to her. it's taking me a while to get used to that, but it's getting easier. it gives us a starting point for stuff to talk about. good luck with your assignment.

I hope that you find the homework helpful. I'm glad that she is letting you write.

I've written e-mails to my T, and she has read them, and subtly brought up the content in session.
Now she wants me to bring those emails/letters in, and read them aloud. I'm also terrified of that thought - if I'd been able to discuss those topics face to face, I wouldn't have written her a mail about it; but those are either deep issues, or very scary topics, and I don't feel brave enough to vocalise them. Writing a letter made me feel safe - a wall or something to hide behind.

I wish you strength in doing your assignment - I have no doubt you will grow immensly through this exercise.

i dont understand what the difference is between sending her a letter in the mail or bringing it in with me.why is it so important to my T that i not mail the letter and instead bring it in.to me if i mail the letter i cant take it back it is out thare i cant refusr to read it or anything.if i bring it in i will refuse to give it to her i have done this in the past .i wont tell her i wrote it or anything.i'm going to try and work on it thismorning.i just wish so much i could just talk in therapy.my god yesterday i was so embarrased that my face and chest turned totally beat red.she asked me if i had been sitting under a heat lamp.that of corse made me even more red.i wish i could have just said .i'm fine just scared.but said NOTHING

Granite, be easy on yourself; things come in their own time. You are already way down the road from where you were when you first started posting here. Could you maybe try to look at that a little bit (how much you have grown in confidence since that time) and be comforted?

There is no rush. You go at your own pace.

I think we are able to be much more honest if we write things down on paper. We can also arrange our thoguhts better, double check if we've left out something, and re-read what we've written. I find it much easier to be open and honest in a letter. I can write about things that I cannot talk about.
T will then make me read it out to her (And realistically, if I don't feel safe, or that I can trust her, I need to re-evaluate if she is good T for me) which may be painful. But it's almost like I cannot pull out. I need to read these thoughts out aloud to truly internalise them and recognise them as my own.
It will eventually lead ot me being able to speak about these issues straight; without a letter to help me get down to the core of the issue, or for me to arrange my thoughts.

Granite- you CAN do it. It'll be ok. Think of us; the first time you have to be this honest with yourself will be hardest. But remember that there is nothing to be afraid of. You want to share the content of the letter with your T, so it really is not different if she learns about the content through reading it herself, or having it read to her.
(((HUGS)))

thanks for every one who took the time to respond you are all so awsome and i really do appreciate the feedback and support.i'm hoping i will be able to get this letter done and share it here before i give it to T.i seem to be having a hard time even starting it any ideas?

What do you want Granite?

hi sannah.not sure i really want anything.if i ever get this homework done i would love some feedback but it doesnt look like i am going to get it done at all having a real hard time with it .i really dont really even remember quite what she wants from me so i guess its a wash

Just some ideas...

Maybe you could talk about why you like to do art with T?

Maybe you could tell her what it feels like not to be able to talk in T?

Or maybe you could write to her about how life DOES suck right now? Like you weren't able to say before?

Or maybe you could just tell her a story from your childhood, maybe even a good story, just something where you can open up to her a little bit?

thanks jexa this really did help.i was thinking about asking her in a letter about why she thinks my life doesnt suck now and why it useto.i so just cant see myself writing this going in thare and reading it and then talking about it.i have no idea what her plan is or how she is going to help me do this

I think she just wants to have some words from you granite, so she can help you. You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with, you really don't.

The letter is an opportunity for you to put your thoughts and feelings on paper. What's going through your head right now?
What emotions are you feeling?
What progress do you feel you've made during T, and where do you want to see yourself heading?
What are your feelings towards your T?
What's in your heart?
What do you feel is missing in your life?

That just came to mind as a start, as some thoughts for you to ponder on

So this is what is holding you back then?

granite, i know it's hard to start writing. i've started journalling and sending it to my t by email. she still has me print it out and bring it in. sometimes i read part of it out loud, sometimes we just talk about what i wrote, and sometimes we don't even bring it up. there are weeks that i'll print out 10 pages of stuff that rabbit trails all over the place. it just gives her an idea of what's going on in my head and heart. if i were you, i would start with the question you mentioned above and just let it go where ever it leads. you don't have to stay on topic, this isn't an english class and no one is grading it. if something comes into your head, write it down (or in my case type it). it doesn't really have to make sense. anything coming out of your head is better than nothing. sometimes i'll start out with a big question and by the time i stop, i've answered it myself. it also really helps me to email it first, otherwise i don't think i would take stuff in either. maybe you could mail a copy to her and take one in. good luck on writing. i wouldn't worry too much about the specific assignment. i'm sure she'll be happy with anything you show up with. i can tell i'm rambling, guess i'll stop now.

I like this idea. I sometimes use the "stories" approach to talking to my own T. I will even say to him that I'm going to tell him a story. Somehow it can be easier for me to tell T a hard thing if I say it is a story--like it happened to someone else, perhaps, and I am just the narrator. It helps me get a little distance so I can get through a hard telling. So maybe it would help you too to just think of your letter as telling a story.

Good luck with your letter.

having a really hard time with this dont know why.guess this is a bust

(((((((((((Granite))))))))))

That is okay. That you tried is what is important.

yes, as long as you tried. write the letter as if you were going to post it to T; if you end up being asked to read it, you can always refuse. Try put your thoughts on feelings on paper, without stressing about possible consequences. you can do it

so i'm giving this a try this is some of what i came up with so far .this is really hard,dont know if i can read it or give it to her but ill bring it with me
I did have one thought last Monday about something I think you said. In my letter I think I wrote “life kind of sucks” I think your response was “I know your life use to suck” my head started screaming how do you know how my life use to be .Did I ever say anything about how my life us to be. I don’t remember ever saying anything about how it at all. If I did what was it that I said? I worry I said things I probably shouldn’t have, otherwise how can you make these assumptions about my life. I’m not going to say my life didn’t use to suck. It was a bit stressful. The thing is I don’t think it ever changed; it all still seems the same. In fact shortly after I started coming there I decided to read some of my old journals and it is all the same crap. Nothing has changed at all. Anyway so my life didn’t use to suck it still does.

Nice granite!!

sorry forgot to paste what i have so far

granite I think that is a great thing to bring to T.

That is great, granite!!! Even if you can't read it or only 1 sentence of it. It helps to get it out in writing. See, you said you can't do it, but you can.
Do you know the children's book, The Little Engine that Could? He was smaller than the others but he kept saying "I think I can, I think I can" and he pulled the train that the other bigger engines couldn't pull.