All alone

As connected as I can feel and as much as I think he cares about me and as kind as he is to me, ultimately I end up all alone. I hate this. It's way too much, too hard, too painful.

(((((Roseleigh))))))

((((roseleigh)))))

I don't know what you mean when you say "all alone". I think you mean emotionally...empty? Sadness? Physical and emotional separation?

I always think of life as a cycle. Even in married couples, someone usually passes first, leaving the other spouse "all alone" in the physical sense. Even though that person isn't physically there for you (such as in death as just one example), it doesn't mean they abandoned you and it doesn't mean they don't stay with you on an emotional level.

What does your T present as a solution here?

I'm not really sure what I meant either. I just felt all alone when I wrote that.

But what you wrote makes sense. Thanks.

I haven't talked to my therapist about this yet, but I will try.

Roseleigh, Yeah I get that aloneness. Its more then a feeling alone itss like a feeling of falling. I've got a boook by Laura Paxton called Borderline and Beyond. Its talks about that and gives some good ideas on waht to do to help yourself.

Sometimes, especially at first, that connection with your T provides a stark backdrop of what has been missing in your life.

For me it was kind of like "now once I have seen a light, it points out the darkness that much more clearly".

I think mourning that darkness is essential. So much wasted, simply because I didn't really know there was a light out there, or how to get at it.

But I would try to allow this feeling to be a catalyst for change as well.

I'm not perfect - oh no not by ANY means - but in a real way we really do have a choice in how our lives evolve.

I hope you feel better soon. Soon I wish for you to be surrounded by that light.

((((((((roseleigh))))))))