Trouble with T?

it sounds like she is very directive and that may not be what you need right now. honestly, reading your last post i'd ditch her but you have to do what you think is best for yourself. you can always leave her a message on her machine (just call when you think she's in session or teaching) and let her know you are not sure the two of you are a good fit and you're going to check out some other Ts for now. i think it's great you are going to see that other T that was your first choice. go with your gut elysium. you will find the right T but it may take a bit of trial and error. i know that isn't at all easy this time of year or with all the recent changes you are going through but it will get better.

Reading what you have written here......remember that all kinds of personalities can choose to study psychology & become a psychologist.....even those who live a life that "everything is about them". She sounds like one of those kind.

I'm betting that the 3 page handout wasn't specifically done for you. I am sure that it's something that she has had written up (probably for one of her classes) & it something that she throws out to everyone.

Interesting thought I had about you being assertive in some places & not in others.....just to let you know.....even those of us without DID are that way. Many places, the assertiveness only comes out when needed. When I don't realize it's needed because I haven't through through the situation I'm in to know that it's needed, it's not there. I only like to use assertiveness when necessary & would rather be slow at using it than use it inappropriately. The way DID works is very similar to non-DID only it's just broken into different personalities that are doing or thinking it. (I have noticed this quite often in the things I have read here)

OK, honestly, I would bet if you talked to her other patients, you would find that she is just like she is with all of them....it's sounds like her personality rather than her psychology style whether it means well or not. If she relates this poorly with you, I'm sure she doesn't relate well with the others she sees either. Some people shouldn't be psychologists even though they are, but they have invested so much into it, then need to get something out of it.

Honestly, I think she needs to stick to teaching & who knows what her students think of her.......hmmmm, maybe something you could check out......lol. Bet her classroom is filled with stories about her & handouts....it's a way to keep from touching others. Handouts are just a way of throwing your thoughts together & throwing them at people so you don't have to communicate with them or try to think those thoughts over again for fear of missing a point or something when the person feels that everyone needs their thoughts. I'm sure she has given that handout to more than just you.

I know you want to give her a chance & don't want to jump to conclusions & you don't want to be hard on her, but I think you have a good picture of HER, her psychology style & her personality. From my past experiences with people who have started out like her.....unless I had a lot of money to throw away, I wouldn't keep throwing it at her. People who get paid to talk about themselves under the guise of therapy, it's just wrong.....they should have learned to talk about it in a non personal way of presenting.....even if they talk about it in terms of someone else they have come across, but for everything to be about her is JUST WRONG!!!!

Think you need to talk to some of her other trauma & dissociative patients & see what they think of her......I'm thinking that her successes in this are just study & theory.....but not practical. Some people claim to be experts just because they have studied it in college & they might have done their PhD on it...but that doesn't put it in real life. I would definitely want to see what she has really done IRL & prove her claims after the experience you have with her.

Personally, I would just call & say (even in a voice mail) that you have realized that the fit isn't right between the 2 of you & if she wants to discuss why, she can set up a non-paying meeting to discuss it.(if it's a voice mail you can tell her that if she wants to discuss it to please call back).....I doubt that you would ever hear from her either.

She may be a good prof, but she definitely doesn't sound like someone who is good on the one to one that practicing psychology is all about. Some people are better teaching in the classroom with the knowledge they have than putting it to practical use in the real world. I have seen that in the engineering world also.

Know it's stressful confronting situations we aren't comfortable with.....but I think it's a waste of your time, energy & stress to continue trying to justify her style of psychology.

I know that finding a good fit for a psychologist is difficult, but sticking with one that really doesn't sound like has a good psychology style is even more difficult on your stress level. There are more psychologist in the pond....you just have to keep looking for the right fit....you will find it....it just may take time but there is no reason to put up with someone that you have to convince will be ok if you give them enough chance or if you talk & they will change. First impressions are usually NOT wrong especially when the issue you are having is as serious as the one you are having.

It's ok to tell them that you don't feel it's a good fit & she's the professional & able to well deal with things like that...it's just part of the job description....her business to deal with the knowledge that not all people she interfaces with will be a fit (I highly doubt if she does have many that really fit, but many who are too unable to tell her that it's not a fit because they think it's them & not her).

Sure there are many other psychologist who would really be good to work with in your area....just keep looking & you will find the right one. Maybe start with a consultation meeting where you are interviewing them....it's really ok.

Best wishes

You don't owe her any explanation for not returning. You can call to cancel your appointment and to tell her you have decided to not return. If asked why, just repeat that you've decided to not return. The courtesy of cancelling your appointment and relaying your decision to not return is all that is necessary, unless you choose to say more. You don't owe her anything but the fee for her time.

My T is also a prof. for a local graduate program. I had gone to that school and was even signed up to take her class the next semester before I got thrown out. Most of why I got thrown out was for being very assertive (you will note I say very, not too... sometimes it is called for). My T and I had talked several times before, just chit chat and hugs (I'm a hugger) and she knew my reputation. She knew I had a strong personality, a strong opinion and was not intimidated by anything or any one.
The first session with her I was Terrified and cowering and I must say it really caught her off guard. She recovered well though and asked very gently "It's different for you in this context isn't it? you seem very scared, is that what you are feeling?". 3 years of off and on work with her she is getting a little frustrated that she is still not seeing any of my assertive side...Just how it is sometimes. (Thanks for this BTW... was trying to figure out why she was so frustrated lately)
As much as I wish my T would hand me a worksheet some days it would just be being lazy and avoidant. I filled out a very brief form before our fist session and that's it. The more you share about your session the more my stomach turns and I begin feeling scared. "I printed it on the good paper"... GAG. "If you SI I will not be able to sleep at night"... Scared. That is just such an inapropriate response to someone who has a history of SI. That statement does not in any way set a safe theraputic frame, a safe place to grow.
Take advatage of the wonders of voicemail! Like Echos said, all you need to do is cancel.

If quitting this therapist is something you decide to do, perhaps it would be easier to think of the actual act of quitting as an exercise in breaking free from relationships that aren't working.

As others indicated, you really owe her nothing. She is under your employ. If it's not working, then it's not working.

A simple phone call would suffice.

You owe it to yourself to move toward a better recovery.