[bpd2]

Anyone have any experience with doing this? My t and I tried it recently. I am especially interested in anyone's experience with it over a stretch of time.

[with or without you]

nope...I don't mind if she does it for her own benefit, though (I think she just takes notes, have never seen a device anywhere). I can't stand to hear my own voice.

[WePow]

I thought about asking my T once... because I wanted to really hear what was going on when I was splitting and an alter was out. At the time, my angry alter was giving me a lot of trouble and I thought recording the session would be cool perhaps. But I had not yet asked about it.

I had my new small camcorder/camera with me in my purse and my T was asking about what my work looked like in the room we were in. well, earlier that day I had used my new camcorder to take a small video of my work space and I got it out of my purse to show T but I had not learned how to use it yet. But his face totally changed as soon as I took it out and he was in total defense mode. I was not even recording but trying to just see if I could show him the work place. But that look on his face shuts me down inside. It is one of the very few things that I can't get around and will never in a zillion years bring up in session. But it was very painful to see that from him. VERY. It still makes me withdraw just seeing the replay. Had tons of hours of crying alone at night thanks to that event.

So asking about recording the session is totally a no-go for me.

I've read about it being part of schema therapy, which I might start soon.

Just thinking about it makes me feel really conflicted- I do spend a lot of time afterwards going over the session in my head, and it would be good to be able to hear exactly what T said (rather than what I've distorted it into) again, but I don't think I'd be able to get past the extreme discomfort of hearing my own voice. I think I'd also be very aware that the session was being recorded, and be so inhibited (read: silent!) that it would stop the sessions from being useful.

What's your experience been like so far, bpd2?

WePow, that sounds really painful. I'm so sorry that this still hurts you and you haven't felt able to resolve it

[bpd2]

WePow, that sounds so wounding. I am so sorry...I had a similar thing happen when I took a picture of my T sweeping snow off his stairs. I had no idea it would offend him--especially since he has taken two pictures of me for his phone...I don't get that, and those pictures bother me...

Anyway, so far, we've recorded five times during a total of three sessions. It is REALLY helpful for me in terms of being able to retrieve what was actually said, not what I thought was said--and I find out there were parts to what was being said that I didn't get--I mean the logic of what was being said, as in why one statement followed another.

However, it is not so helpful for me in that it takes me an entire day (the Saturday after my sessions) to manage to listen to and transcribe the important statements that I am supposed to--this is because I am still very emotional about the content of the session.

So, for exactly the reason that it is a huge challenge to work through the recording on my own at home, it is a huge benefit to have the words available to me--exactly as they were said, not as I think they were said--and with the emphasis that they were given, not with the emphasis I felt at the time, emphasis which usually, for me, comes from fear and anger....

[WePow]

((((bpd2))))) I am sorry that you have that bad feeling about those pictures. :-(
I get it.

[Purplechick]

My T has just suggested it - we are doing schema - my initial response is "Noooooooo!!!"

[alcira]

Bpd2, this is so interesting. I suggested this to my T and she is considering it. So it is just you who keeps a hold of the recording?

My worry over recording the sessions even if I were the only one to have access to them outside of session is that I would hate to hear myself (as other people have said). Just the thought of it makes me cringe. But I also think it could be helpful in terms of "remembering" what happened in session instead of trying to play it over and over in my head perhaps in a distorted fashion. The other issue that concerns me is that I might end up spending too much time listening to the recordings but then I spend a lot of time thinking about the session anyway, so maybe that won't make much of a difference.

[bpd2]

Purplechick, the way it actually happened for us is that I bought a SmartPen. It records while you're taking notes--like in a classroom--and it has a little camera at the tip of the pen to synch the sound with the letters. The idea was that since I had SO much trouble taking notes, which he kept asking me to do, I thought I would try the Smartpen so that I could retrieve or correct whatever I missed....That's how we got into recording the sessions. Sometimess I don't even write anymore, though. And this last session, I didn't turn on the pen because I sometimes feel like he is speaking for "posterity" not to me. But I know I will turn it on next time......also, a couple of times he's made sure I had the pen on, or asked me to turn it on, because he is saying something that is important for me to remember.

I really like having the option....and I can always erase it....Sometimes it is upsetting to hear all over again, when I listen to the recording. My sessions are two appointments back-to-back (an early evening, followed by an early morning), two weeks apart. If I have recorded the session and listen to it the following day, I need the first week to figure out what happened...

[bpd2]

Alcira, yes, it's just me who keeps the recording. It's in my pen, though, and he could listen to it if he wanted...once I did leave it with him overnight. Also, I can download it to my computer and that is helpful in case I haven't recharged the pen or something. Also, I can use the recordings to help me write short essays to him about the topic and how it applies to me. That's actually creates a shorter, coherent essay that takes the place of blast after blast during the week--and that's a good thing, too...for both of us (his times, my anxiety waiting for a reply....)

[rainbow8]

I used to record my sessions for an extended period when I saw my first T. I loved hearing her voice and it helped me to remember what was said since I have a hard time with that. I do think I obsessed about the tapes too much, though. I still have them but I never listen any more. They're kind of triggering.

I forget a lot of what was said in my sessions now and my H suggested asking if I could record them. I'm not sure I want to do that, and I have a feeling my T would feel uncomfortable about it. It might help me feel connected to her, but I would probably obsess and listen constantly!

One of my former Ts made a tape for me and gave it to me at my last session. But it was just HER talking about me.

I think there are pros and cons to recording your sessions.

[WikidPissah]

Like a lot of others have said...I really couldn't stand listening to my own voice...it would set me off big time. It would be cool to have some kind of a transcript though...to remember stuff. I retain so little of our sessions.

My T and I leave each other voice mails after our sessions. I leave him a voice mail with whatever I'm left with when I leave, my feelings about the session, thoughts I had as I was driving home, etc. Then he listens and leaves me one in response with his thoughts and feelings about the session and about my message. It's hugely helpful. I have all of these recordings of T reminding me of some of the really important things I want/need to remember, and it feels like this extra piece of connection with him.

I like it because I don't have to hear my own voice, and I don't have to hear the hard core emotional stuff that happens in session, but I still get a recorded reminder of what I need from T.

[bpd2]

Treehouse--that sounds ideal! I'd like to do that instead of the recording we've been doing. When it's a tape of the whole session, there's so much silence, so much emotion. And what I want is the message, sorting out confusion, and sorting out what was and wasn't said. I think your method is great!

[rainbow8]

tree and bpd--that's the same idea as my emailing my T soon after a session with my feelings about the session, and she emailing me back. Once. That was the idea, originally, before I got carried away. It's not the same as hearing her voice, but she doesn't want me to call her unless it's an emergency.

I like what you and t do, tree. I hope that your T will let you do that, bpd2.

[velcro003]

Man, I would NEVER want to do that! But all this talk about hearing your own voice made me think about something that happened two weeks ago. I had left a couple of VM's for my T (this is a recent development), and they were rather "vulnerable" of me. I meet with my EMDR-T and regular-T at the same time...and they wanted to PLAY.THE.VOICEMAIL.OUTLOUD.IN.THE.ROOM!!! I immediately went "NO WAY! I do NOT want to hear my voice." Ewwww the thought of it makes me cringe. One thing about therapy I like, they don't make you do anything you don't want to!

[SenatorPenguin8081]

Originally Posted by bpd2

Anyone have any experience with doing this? My t and I tried it recently. I am especially interested in anyone's experience with it over a stretch of time.

I let my very first T, who was in a PhD clinical psychology program, record our sessions. She was under strict supervision in the latter part of her training program and needed to have the majority of her patients reviewed by her clinical supervisor to ensure she was engaging in therapy sessions the proper way and so that she can learn from them. It was a brief conversation during our first session and she asked my permission and I told her I didn't mind. That was also before I knew anything at all about T's, about privacy issues in healthcare (especially mental health), or how it could be used and misused even years after the recorded events. Recordings, have the potential to become public or fall into the wrong hands. This is not paranoia, that's just facts. No matter how much I like my current T (and I really, really do), I would never allow myself to be recorded, not for any reason.

I remember feeling a strange curiosity with it, you know, as in "oh wow, someone not only wants to hear what I have to say but wants to record it so they can review with their supervisor to better help me! Cool". I now have a completely different take on it and would never allow myself to be recorded again, not for any reason. While I suspect no ill will whatsoever on the part of that very first T, and I understood the reason behind it (at least in theory if not in practice), I am not near as trusting as I once was. One of the reasons I allowed it in the first place is because I was living in a closely monitored environment at the time and was used to not having any privacy anyway, so it wasn't a large step for me.

If there was never the potential for recorded therapy sessions to be made public, abused, or misused (and potentially shared with those you don't want to have access to your private therapy), then I can see how a recording can be helpful in many ways.