[SenatorPenguin8081]

I always strive to connect more with my T, and he certainly does the same with me. We don't have to really try hard at all really. We are a good fit and he's a real help. Here's my worry: I've come to a place in my life where I am ready and ABLE for the first time to work on some long-standing issues that are hard to disclose. Now that my life is not the chaos it once was and I'm not having to deal with pressing current event situational issues, I can work on the harder topics. This makes me feel happy that I'm not only at a point where it is possible to do this, but also that I have found the courage to do it. Even though we have MANY shared things in common that certainly help with the necessary bonding that makes the therapeutic alliance work, we have some major differences in background that makes me unsure if he will be able to truly UNDERSTAND what I'm going to discuss with him.

I come from poverty and a broken home. I grew up with a lot of adversity that my T didn't have and sometimes I don't think that people who grow up without adversity can really understand what it is like to have my experiences. Sometime after I started seeing T, I discovered that my T's parents were, well... sorta famous. He grew up in a loving, supportive home (that of course had its own problems like all families), the son of two very well known, well published academics and authors that won major awards in their lifetimes. I can see how he got his academic drive and why he is a successful therapist, but I sometimes get doubts. His parents are both deceased now, but the idea that he could possibly understand where I'm coming from (poverty, broken home, abuse) sometimes stops me from going too deep for fear that he might not get me, and I don't want to feel those feelings...I also don't want my possible perception that he doesn't "get me" to interfere with our excellent therapeutic relationship/alliance.

I am probably concerned about this too much. Surely my insecurities revolving around class and socioeconomic status runs very deep and is worth talking about in therapy! I guess I'm looking for courage and strategies to open up about this without shattering my self confidence. If anybody has similar experiences, I'd like to hear how you dealt with that.

[Fartraveler]

That's an unusual situation!

But, OK -- and here I go out on a major limb -- a large percentage of people in therapy probably feel that their T may have trouble truly relating to them because their T came from 'wealthier/more stable/more loving/you-name-it backgrounds.

What I mean is, the sort of story/dynamic that you're constructing here is really probably fairly common. You certainly have something particularly concrete to hang the story on. But I've seen this type of concern in other threads. (And I have it myself, actually.) It doesn't have to be based on a T having accomplished parents, it could be based on anything.

So, I would probably say, don't worry about this too much. Try not to get in too much of tangle about how you are so different from your T that he can't understand you. That's mindreading and predicting the future and projection and so on. Just take a deep breath, and tell your T what you need to, and see how it goes.

Good luck. If you already trust your T and have a good relationship with him, the odds are extremely good it will be fine.

-Far

[granite1]

Originally Posted by SenatorPenguin8081

I always strive to connect more with my T, and he certainly does the same with me. We don't have to really try hard at all really. We are a good fit and he's a real help. Here's my worry: I've come to a place in my life where I am ready and ABLE for the first time to work on some long-standing issues that are hard to disclose. Now that my life is not the chaos it once was and I'm not having to deal with pressing current event situational issues, I can work on the harder topics. This makes me feel happy that I'm not only at a point where it is possible to do this, but also that I have found the courage to do it. Even though we have MANY shared things in common that certainly help with the necessary bonding that makes the therapeutic alliance work, we have some major differences in background that makes me unsure if he will be able to truly UNDERSTAND what I'm going to discuss with him.

I come from poverty and a broken home. I grew up with a lot of adversity that my T didn't have and sometimes I don't think that people who grow up without adversity can really understand what it is like to have my experiences. Sometime after I started seeing T, I discovered that my T's parents were, well... sorta famous. He grew up in a loving, supportive home (that of course had its own problems like all families), the son of two very well known, well published academics and authors that won major awards in their lifetimes. I can see how he got his academic drive and why he is a successful therapist, but I sometimes get doubts. His parents are both deceased now, but the idea that he could possibly understand where I'm coming from (poverty, broken home, abuse) sometimes stops me from going too deep for fear that he might not get me, and I don't want to feel those feelings...I also don't want my possible perception that he doesn't "get me" to interfere with our excellent therapeutic relationship/alliance.

I am probably concerned about this too much. Surely my insecurities revolving around class and socioeconomic status runs very deep and is worth talking about in therapy! I guess I'm looking for courage and strategies to open up about this without shattering my self confidence. If anybody has similar experiences, I'd like to hear how you dealt with that.

i agree with far if you already have a good relationship with your T i wouldnt worry about it.you may find he gets it more than you think

[sunrise]

Part of what will enable your T to relate to you is his experience with many clients of diverse backgrounds. He has probably worked with many clients from less advantaged backgrounds than his own, and knows well the struggles associated with many life situations. I had a worry when I went to see my T that he would not be able to relate to my problems because he was male. I had previously sought out a female T partly for that reason. But he's worked with a ton of female clients and is very empathetic to their concerns, etc. Also, I think a sufficiently empathetic T can get out of their own head quite easily and meet you wherever you are at. I dealt with this simply by letting him "do his thing" and I saw he was able to handle our differences and that gave me confidence in him. I think if you know your T to be helpful and connect with him well, this will go well too. Good luck!

[geez]

Penguin I've many times thought the same thing. Sometimes my T tells me well your parents did to xyz so it wasn't like that all the time - then of course I tell T differently etc... I do know that my T's life however wasn't perfect so that helps. No one's life ever is no matter how privileged. Educated people with money have just as many problems as the rest of us (ok maybe not the being poor part but you get what I mean).

Sending you many safe hugs Penguin. I grew up that way too so I get it. - In the end its not about the degrees or the money it's about who you are as a person and how you treat others (IMO). Peace.

[Symbiosis]

Senator P,

I get ya. My mom says I have a prejudice against rich people and she's right! My T is not related to fame (as far as know-*ponder*) but he is an Ivy League academic and community member extraordinaire. Makes me think like, what have you really been through? How can you understand?

I haven't talked about this issue yet. I do drop hints here and there, like I tend to automatically like blue collar types. I guess I comfort myself with the thought that people choosing the psych profession do so for a reason----they've known pain; they've had issues.

Don't know how true that is, but it helps me out.

[Melbadaze]

I use to feel my T had had a privledged life because of her knowledge and education and life style, use to get angry inside that she hadn't had a life like me, but since then from things I've learnt about her, that doesn't mean much at all, its about our inner life, perhaps your T's parents were preoccupied with their careers? we can never just know for sure whats going on for another person and perhaps thinking we can't be understood is a defence against connection?

[with or without you]

I have no idea what my therapist's upbringing was, but I know she is from a city near me...so she has the same accent. I find that comforting in a weird way! I am sure she is making some decent buck now, though! LOL

[billieJ]

Maybe you could start by discussing your stated insecurities about class and status and verbalizing your fears that T won't be able to "get" you because of the described differences. Once that is out of the way, you may feel better able to get to the crux of the issues you need to discuss. Please don't let concern of T's inability to understand completely to bar you from doing the necessary work that you need to do. There must be innumerable clients with a multitude of issues that good therapists are not able to identify with, but they are able to help these clients despite this. Hugs for you - from one who CAN identify!