[Suratji]

What are people's expectations to making progress in therapy? With only 50 minutes per week (and some go only 2x per month), how is progress possible in a reasonable amount of time? Some of you have more experience with this than I do since I only started in December. I'm just wondering if it's really possible to get to the bottom of things with so little time with the therapist. Or will it take years or decades? (I don't have that much time )

I get so confused about whether I should explore the past or discuss the present. So little time to review everything. Please share your experiences so that I may have a more realistic expectation.

[lifelesstraveled]

Originally Posted by Suratji

What are people's expectations to making progress in therapy? With only 50 minutes per week (and some go only 2x per month), how is progress possible in a reasonable amount of time? Some of you have more experience with this than I do since I only started in December. I'm just wondering if it's really possible to get to the bottom of things with so little time with the therapist. Or will it take years or decades? (I don't have that much time )

I get so confused about whether I should explore the past or discuss the present. So little time to review everything. Please share your experiences so that I may have a more realistic expectation.

When I was seeing my first therapist (prior to my relocation to another state), I was able to make a tremendous amount of progress with weekly sessions in a little more than a year. I had finally (and briefly) experienced contentment, and dare I say a bit of happiness, for the first time in my life--literally. I can't say that I was able to fully trust her and open up to her, but she helped me away from the edge I was on. I threw myself into T because I felt like I was beginng to lose my grip on life, reality..i literally felt like I was losing my mind (after numerous trips to my doctor and tons of blood tests with negative outcomes to everything she tested me for). I asked my T how long she thinks I would need therapy for and she couldn't give me an answer.

IMO, and I could be wrong, but the amount of time it takes for progress to be evident is probably dependent on a number of things. It depends on how motivated you are and how much you push yourself (also being careful not to push too hard too soon). It depends on your goals, and the plan of action. It depends on your T's experience and how much he/she pushes you. i think it's just one of those questions you can't get a definite answer to. Maybe it will be helpful for you to discuss how you are progressing with your T? Has she noticed any progress? Have you? have the people around you?

Keep us posted on your progress

[deliquesce]

i think it is possible, but i've found it depends on the type of work going on (and how you approach it). i have a trauma history and i struggle in relationships as a result. different approaches would include:

1) looking at the past, to kind of 'heal' it (this is not something i have done in depth) and kind of free myself from my relationship baggage as a result
2) discussing "relationships" quite generally (this has been good for me, but i havent seen measurable change)
3) discussing a particular concern of mine regarding a current relationship and coming to a solution about that (this is the approach i prefer most -- it fixes my current problem, but gives me lessons for the future -- so i can make longlasting change also).

ive found if i try to prepare for what i want to talk about in session, i get more out of it also. i usually try to find 1-2 issues which can be fixed within a session, and then have another issue which we will continue to discuss over a number of sessions.

I do think that its possible to make progress in an hour a week, because SO much of the "work" of therapy is done outside of session. I have to do a LOT of processing between sessions...sometimes I write here, or to T, or in a journal, sometimes I read, sometimes I just pay attention to what comes up. I've discovered that there isn't enough time to bring EVERYTHING I want to to T, so sometimes he doesn't get to hear my insights, or what's happening in my day to day life, or whatever we don't get to. But what we DO get to is usually enough to keep the ball rolling.

Having said that, I've seen T mostly twice a week for over 3 years now...I went down to once a week for a little while, but am back to twice for now. For me, holding onto the safety of the therapeutic relationship was a HUGE issue, so twice a week helped with that. And when I started therapy, I was dealing with my trauma crap for the first time EVER, and it was REALLY overwhelming. I needed twice a week to learn how to contain everything.

I remember when I started therapy, I told T that I really just wanted to do therapy 24/7 for a couple of weeks and get it OVER with. T told me that if I tried that, I'd end up in the hospital. I know now he was SO right...I think that only seeing T once or twice a week slows things down enough that we have TIME to process them and deal with them without becoming too too overwhelmed.

It has been a SLOW process for me. I think it depends on each person's history. T told me that some people are really "done" with therapy in a year, and others (like me ) take longer.

Do you feel like things are moving too slowly, suratji??

[sunrise]

Yes, I think it is possible to make progress with 1 hr per week. I think motivation is important and also how much you are willing to do outside of session. Often, in session we dredged up painful stuff or puzzling stuff or novel stuff, and then I was left on my own to process for a week. I would write in my journal a lot, try to detect what was going on inside of me, if I was feeling anything, what it was, what did it mean, etc. If I never thought about what we did in therapy outside of therapy and what it all meant, then I would have made very slow progress. Also, my T is willing to go fast if the client is able. We did EMDR which is one of the faster methods for working on trauma and this was helpful. Along the way we also did ego state therapy and delved into my past quite a bit, but kept our eyes on the prize, which was getting me to come to terms with the end of my marriage and to end it. This was all hard work, but T was good about keeping me on track. If difficult stuff came up that was distracting us, and T judged it to be something that could wait until after the marriage, then he would say "I promise you that when we are all done with this (marriage), you can come back to this, and I will help you." My T is also very skilled. In contrast, my first T and I made little progress in 9 months so I quit--she was just not that good. My current T and I formed a bond very quickly. That made it easier to do hard work. Looking back, I think I was pretty good at trusting him (although at the time it didn't seem so!), and I think maybe above all else, this can help you move more quickly through therapy. Because if you don't trust your T, it is hard to reveal the hard stuff, and progress then comes in baby steps.

So I would say if you want to make fast progress, to put a lot of effort up front into building the relationship and coming to trust your T.

Another way to go faster is not to feel like you have to tell your T a lot of the "events of the last week", unless really relevant to your therapy arc. In my most intense phase of therapy, T and I never talked chit chat at all; we just got right to it. Now we are in a more relaxed phase, and often chat for a while to start things off.

Suratji, I think your question is a really good one to discuss with your therapist. He may have ways to help you move along more quickly, or can help you keep your main goal in mind (if that is what you want). He may also have a few different techniques to help with specific problems, and can steer you towards the faster techniques, if he knows that is key for you. He can also give you suggestions on what you can do outside of therapy to help you make swifter progress.

[embracinglife]

I like reading peoples insights here. I think that you probably have to figure this out for yourself. I think once a week is a pretty good amount of time for me...but sometimes I don't need it that much or at all, and other people i'm sure greatly benefit from seeing a therapist more often. (I'm sure I could too...but that would get to be kind of costly).

The self-growth and self-awareness that you gain through therapy is a process that lasts our whole lifetime. Therapy is definitely helpful to work through issues, but there are also other ways to push ourselves to grow. Once you learn some basic skills like setting healthy boundaries, or assertiveness or whatever skills you need to make your life better right now...you can start to practice them on your own.

For me its hard to really track my progress. I've seen therapists for over five years now but much of that was through college, and moving around a lot so I had quite a few different therapists. I think if you can find a good one and stick with it that is best. But sometimes when you're new you don't even know what a good therapist is for you...so you may even have to search around.

[Suratji]

Thanks all for your comments. They are very helpful. I am very motivated but I find myself quite confused lately about my goals. It was simple when I first started but all kinds of stuff has come up and I don't know how to proceed and which things are priority. I like the suggestion of asking my T. So far she has just let me talk and talk which has been good because I have stuff in my life that nobody knows about and it has felt good to share that. But now, so much emotional stuff has emerged that I feel like I'm going crazy and I have no idea what's going on. I can't put a finger on the problem nor the goal.

[Christina86]

Soooooooooo much work happens outside of session sometimes. All progress is progress, no matter how small.

What brought you to therapy in the first place? What do you think your issues are, stuff that's holding you back from achieving the life that you imagine (that you want)?

For the most part within my therapy, it depended on the type of therapist as to whether we discussed more current stuff or past stuff. Since past stuff can impact current stuff, and current stuff can bring back up past stuff, they also are intertwined.

Definitely talk to your T if you feel like you're floundering around a bit without a real purpose or goal of therapy. Chances are, your therapist either has an idea or can help you arrive at some sort of idea.

Progress is just as much about processing, as it is about talking. Most of the processing goes on inbetween sessions.

[inbloom]

I guess that maybe I have a slightly different experience and perspective than some of the others here, but for me, I have just kind of accepted the fact that I could very easily be in therapy forever....At the least, it will be a long time. For me, I find that even when I am not dealing with trauma and/or severe dysfunction, there are ALWAYS things that I can improve and work on. Also, I feel like it took me A LOT of years to be as screwed up as I was, and it only makes sense that it will take A LOT of years to undo that mess, and the thinking/behaviors that evolved from that.

With that all being said, I DO think that an hour a week is enough. Like some of the others have shared, the majority of therapy really does take place outside of that hour on the couch. Usually, I have a ton to process and work through in between, and that is the time that insights usually come, and I am able to really put things together and put things that I have learned into practice.

I hope that this helps.

[learning1]

Thanks for asking this question Suratji, it was helpful for me to read people's experiences about this too.

Originally Posted by Suratji

all kinds of stuff has come up and I don't know how to proceed and which things are priority. I like the suggestion of asking my T. So far she has just let me talk and talk which has been good because I have stuff in my life that nobody knows about and it has felt good to share that. But now, so much emotional stuff has emerged that I feel like I'm going crazy and I have no idea what's going on. I can't put a finger on the problem nor the goal.

It sounds to me like you're probably making good progress and being confused about goals is normal I think. Which doesn't make it fun to feel confused. Good luck with talking to your t about it.

[Suratji]

I have a session in a couple of hours and I usually like to be well organized and have a plan and have a well-thought out issue to explore and have a concrete goal to strive for.
Well, today all is chaos and I've been thinking how to approach the session and I think I have to let go of my organizational approach and admit to T that I'm confused and just talk randomly. I have so many thoughts and so many emotions and it does not seem like it will be a fruitful session if I can't clearly state my concerns. They are all over the map.

So, my only option is to just talk 'stream of consciousness' and let be what will be. It seems like a poor way to achieve progress and it seems like it will delay self understanding. I just don't know.

I agree that lots happens between sessions that requires thought and analysis. I'm reading about archetypes and it's so fascinating but how they apply to my life I'll need guidance from the T.

Sorry - I've gone off topic.

[sittingatwatersedge]

you can't go off topic - it's your thread

I hope your hour today goes well. Maybe you could come back and tell how it was not to have a concrete plan in mind before starting?

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

you can't go off topic - it's your thread

I hope your hour today goes well. Maybe you could come back and tell how it was not to have a concrete plan in mind before starting?

SAWE - session went very well. I was all over and kept apologizing to T that I was so confused. She kept telling me that I was doing a great job and that I have too often taken refuge in my 'organization' and that just learning to 'be' is a place of strength if I just allow it to be. My T is awesome and is so confirming. I shared something I had written and she responded how beautiful it was. And I believed that she believed that. I also insisted that she give me some 'homework' and she finally acquiesced.

[with or without you]

I try not to assign certain "time" or "calendar" labels to my own personal journey, but it's hard not to given the world we live in. In "real time", it's taken me over a decade. But when I get angry or frustrated with myself at how long this thing is dragging on, I try to stop and remember that nothing has really gone according to plan. I entered therapy with current T after seeing 3 different T's (first was amazing but she resigned from the agency after 8 months, the other two didn't work out). I initially came to her with social phobia and depression. Then my father was diagnosed with a brain tumor 4 months later, and everything changed. He died the following summer. I was almost 21. Just like that—my own father had driven me to my first visit with T, and a year later, he was gone. He was 60 and in great shape; it was just so unfair. After that, I decided to finish my bachelor's degree and all the social crap that came along with going to college. Then I graduated and moved away from the area. And THEN a load of people just started dying on me. I have lost 5 people since I moved away, all people close to me. How in the world could I ever have focused on working on the anxiety when all this devastating stuff kept crashing down on me? I start to catastrophize and feel like I have been wasting away my twenties, supposedly the best years of one's life, but then I remember to be gentle with myself because of this "cluster" of bad luck that has fallen on me. I have not been able to do that in the past, I tended to minimize what was going on around me, the forces that were beyond my control.

I guess what I am trying to say (to anyone reading) is to not get disappointed or lose hope just because you feel you might not have made enough progress over a week's, month's, or year's time. Don't lose heart. Yes, money can be an issue if therapy tends to go on longer than you want, but sometimes things are beyond anyone's control. I am so grateful my therapist keeps seeing me, keeps talking to me on the phone, even though I am 2 states away. I am so glad I didn't quit on this all the times I wanted to, because I am finally learning for the first time in my life how to stop and recognize what I am feeling, good or bad, and the reasons why. I am finally learning why I have so much trouble with relating to people, to stop feeling somehow "defective", realizing that I need people like every other person on this planet, and how to accept my vulnerability. I'm still a work in progress, I'm not all the way there yet, and I don't know how much longer it will take. But I will just trust my instincts and know when it's "time"...not going by the calendar, either...my own internal clock.

[sunrise]

That sounds like a great session, Suratji!

I like what your T said about just learning to "be" and taking refuge in your organization. You may make swifter progress by learning to let go and not have that structure. Sometimes my T and I just sit, and we see what comes up for me. The most important feelings come up. Our best sessions are very free form. It's so good to give yourself space to be and to feel. It sounds like you are doing really well in therapy, Suratji. It's really nice that you could share your writing, too. I think that takes a lot of trust.