weird session

I was looking forward to it, but had a lot of anxiety about it, too. I felt like my T was being sort of...cold? And it really threw me off. I tried to just talk around it, because I had so much to talk about. In the end, when there were 3 minutes left I said "T, I have 3 minutes left and I don't like how I feel right now. I feel something from you, are you angry with me?"

And she said no, of course. She talked for a couple of minutes about her mixture of emotions and then said "I think, in talking it through right now, I am pissed off at your kids."

I can't even TELL you how validating that was for me. Not just because of the backlash I have seen here from some people who seem to think that children can do no wrong. Way, way bigger than that was the feeling that T really cares about ME. As a person. Not as a mom, not as a client, not as a woman. All of those things, of course, but everything else too. She cares about ME. She said there was this sort of "mama bear" feeling in her, that she can see how hard this has been for me, how much it has taken out of me (this being the transition to having my 4 kids living with me again after 18 mos of living apart).

It felt good, people, I'm not gonna lie. I told T I don't think I've ever had that before, that kind of a protector, and that I appreciate it.

I apologized again for scaring her over the weekend, for causing her to think that I was sui, and I thanked her for sticking with me even when I do crap like that.

We set up our session for next week and she said "I WILL see you again next week, right?" I looked her in the eyes and said yes, I will see you again next week.

(((((((((((((zoo)))))))))))))))

Wow, it must have felt so so so good to get that validation. To know that it's okay to be in both places....to love your kids and be happy to be with them AND to feel overwhelmed and just plain pissed off at having to make so many changes. Both of those things can be there at the same time, and it makes so much sense that they would be there right now during this crazy transition you're going through.

And for me, just being able to admit it, instead of pushing it away, takes away some of the power and starts to calm the harder feelings down, a lot.

Those moments when we realize that T just plain old CARES are so powerful. I'm glad you got to feel that today.

(((((((((Zoo))))))))

I'm so glad that you were able to feel connected to your T again. That is so amazing. I'm also glad that shew as able to be honest with you and share her anger. Showing you that it is okay to be angry. I talked with my T tonight about feelings and she said that it was okay to have big feelings.

Zoo, I'm so happy you had that session today and your T stuck up for you. I love her closing remark and let you know how much she truly cares that you show up. It feels so good to be taken care of

That must be a wonderful feeling, zoo. I'm glad you got something you needed from T, that you didn't even expect. Awesome!

Very good for speaking up on what you sensed from her so that you could understand it!