Bringing someone else into therapy

I have one friend who I talk to therapy about. She also has a lot of expirience with therapy and we can openly discuss our sessions to get each others input and feedback. It is very helpful to have someone in real life to talk about my T and sessions with.

So, last week we were talking on the phone about my session and she asked how I would feel if she came with me this week. She was interested in spending just about 10-15 minutes in my session to give her point-of-view and input into what she sees of me. She wants to give my T someone else's interpretation of what I've been through.

I'm ok with this. I think it will be good for my T to meet someone else in my life and get a clearer understanding of me...since sometimes I freeze up. I talked to my T about it and he said he is fine with it as long as I am and it won't be hurtful.

Has anyone ever had any expirience with this? Bringing a friend, parent, spouse...anyone who has anything to add to your sessions. How did it work and was it helpful?

When my H came, my T talked to him a little first about how I was the client and about confidentiality rules, just some introductory stuff about herself and the work we had been doing and what she hoped we could do together. Stuff about how he could support me....and she also wanted his perspective on how I was at home, too, just so it would help her have a clearer picture of me.
That was the easier part! The rest of the session was hard....even if it's someone you love and trust, it's hard to share your T/your T time. I found it intense, hard work, exhausting.....but very productive, useful and worthwhile. I hope you will find it helpful to you!

I think you have to first clear it with your T, sell him/her on it; therapy is about us and how we relate and T's don't necessarily want someone else's point of view of you, but they'll sometimes help you explain yourself to another person you are having troubles with (usually only family members).

Hi Sweetlove,

I've had three different T's request that I bring someone else to a session. I think it's good and helpful for the T to see first-hand interactions between you and the people in your life.

My H has come into session with me several times and it has always been helpful and led to a deeper understanding for everyone.

My mom came into therapy with me once when I was in treatment. That was kind of intense. My T was very harsh with my mom and I was like
It was really scary to hear my mom be talked to that way, and I felt kind of guilty for it. Overall it was really uncomfortable and I don't think I would do it again.

If this is something you think would be helpful then you should do it! You're lucky to have a friend who cares so much about you. I think it is a good idea to talk about expectations before the session, and to talk about or think about what you'd like to get out of it.

Another thing I wanted to say about it is that my T's were all really careful that they didn't disclose anything that I wanted to keep confidential. When my H came into session with me and my current T, there were a couple of times she looked over at me with a questioning look to make sure I was ok with her saying what she was about to say. She was obviously on the lookout for any signs of distress or objection from me and that felt good.

oops....didn't mean for this response to be so long.
Anyway, I hope it ends up being a positive experience for you.
Let us know how it goes, if you decide to do it!

I have already cleared it with my T...he is fine with it as long as I am comfortable and think it will be beneficial.

This is my main goal. A deeper understanding for my T towards me and how I am outside of the four walls of therapy, hearing another perspective of what I've been through and what she has witnessed...and how I interact with other people. Also, a deeper understanding for my friend, knowing the extent of my issues and what I'm working on, and observing my relationship with my T. And possibly a deeper understanding for me...my therapy, and my relationship with my friend...listening to what T and my friend have to say to each other and maybe finding out some things I wasn't aware of about how they both feel about me.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback!

I think this is a great idea. I haven't ever taken anyone with me, but I did have my husband, daughter, and mother send an email to my therapist. I asked them to do it. I told them to be 100% honest about anything they wanted to say. I basically wanted them to tell her how they viewed my life at home, things that have happened to me in the past, and also things I was going through in the present.

My therapist did not disclose to me anything they sent her. She may have made a comment or two but not much at all in detail. I know that therapy is supposed to be all about the client, but I also think it can be helpful to see the world in which the client is living in. For me, this was very helpful. My therapist also felt that she got a clearer picture as the what my life was like outside of therapy.

I hope it goes well - it's great to have someone outside of T that you can be so open with.

I would not be able to bring someone else to T - but your motive sounds genuine and helpful

Yes, I think that is what I'm looking for. I've been seeing my T for about a year and all he sees is what I'm like for an hour a week, sitting on the same couch, staring at each other. I want him to understand more of me and I think it would be helpful for him to see a different side of me. I think we act differently when our T is asking questions and talking to us, rather than a friend who we are used to spending our "real life" with. I really hope it gives a positive spin on my therapy.

Well, my session was yesterday and I did end up bringing my friend. It wasn't what I had hoped for. I had this fantasy that my friend would really like my T, have some useful information to share about what she expiriences me, T would be really responsive and open, and it would be overall very positive.

That wasn't exactly the case. My friend had all of the right intentions, she was very talkative and inquisitive into his style with me and how it works for us. She gave him some suggestions about what she used to do with her T (she did CBT and I never have) and explained how that helped her. My T was very patient and seemd to take it all in. He answered her questions and tried to be as neutral as possible, giving information to her but also respecting the private relationship we have built. I was constantly zoning in and out, trying to stay present but finding myself getting uncomforable when they talked about me. She stayed in the session for about 30 minutes and then let my T and I have the rest of our time. I immediatly appologized in case he felt attacked or questioned unfairly. He was gentle about it and said he kind of knew it was going to be like that but wanted to respect my feelings and let me try it. He said it started going in a bad direction, so he turned it around and he felt better about it. He wanted to know what my fantasy was and what I ended up getting out of it. He also thought she obviously cares tremendously about me and my well-being and was invested in my treatment. She told me when I got out that she was a little disapointed because he mad her feel a bit uncomfortable by not being very open to her ideas. But, she said it is clear that we have a good relationship, and while he probably wouldn't be a good fit for her, she is glad he works for me.

Anyway, there's a lot more but those were the main ideas. As a whole, it was a bit disappointing because I had this picture in my head of how it would go and that's not how it went. However, it could have gone a lot worse and I'm thankful to have my friend and T that care about me and want the best for me...they have that in common. I am glad I did it because I won't be wondering what it would be like or wishing I had done it. I hope this brings my T and I a little closer because of some things she disclosed about me and our relationship...so I'm trying to stay positive

That sounds kind of strange to me, SweetLove. I thought your friend was going to give her perspective on you and how you and she related to each other outside of session. I didn't realize she was going to try to give your T pointers on how to do therapy! Weird!! Your T sounds like he was very professional and patient with your friend. I'm sorry it didn't go the way you wanted, but I bet your T got some information that may not have been intentional, like seeing the way you and your friend interact. The first time I brought my XH to therapy with me, my T said to me afterwards, "a picture is worth a thousand words." Now he understood so much better what I had been trying to tell him. Your T may have gotten some of the same type of information.

Since you thought bringing your friend would be a good idea, in that your T would have a better idea of how you are, does that mean you think your T doesn't know all about you that he needs to know? If so, could you work on communicating better (differently?) with your T so that you yourself can tell him what you think he needs to know?

Sunrise- Well, yes it was strange. I thought that was what she was going to do too, but she surprised me. I wasn't happy that she started to give him pointers or question what he has been doing with me. I thought it was in bad taste since he was so gracious in letting her into out session. However, I know she only did it because she cares a great deal and was extremely concerened about the SI I recently told her about. Was it exactly what I wanted? No, but I think it was worth it on some level...like seeing the interaction between her and I, like you said.

My T knows a lot about me, I guess I just wanted to give him a clearer picture of how I am outside of therapy and how others percieve me. I have come a long way in communicating recently and I guess I just wasn't giving myself credit. Thanks for the insight!