[learning1]

Someone asked this question in the depression forum and it occurred to me that I'm not sure what sitting with a feeling means. I have an idea, but I also thought it would be helpful if people could explain what it means to you? Thanks!

[bounceback]

Originally Posted by learning1

Someone asked this question in the depression forum and it occurred to me that I'm not sure what sitting with a feeling means. I have an idea, but I also thought it would be helpful if people could explain what it means to you? Thanks!

Sitting with a feeling is when you are having a feeling like anger for example you allow yourself to fully experience without reacting to it or judging it. Basically just being mindful that you are having it and just accepting it and noticing where it affects you in your body.

Hope this helps.

i'd add that it is also not trying to make the feeling go away by either a flurry of activity or numbing out with a drug of choice like food, alcohol, etc or just stuffing the emotion and getting depressed or numb. it is feeling the feeling as unpleasant as it may be.

[WePow]

For me, sitting with a feeling is to do as already stated - to watch it. It is to allow it to exist without me trying to force it into being something else or trying to make it vanish. It is also about being able to make my actions not a response to the emotion. If I am angry, I can honor that anger by just hearing it - by letting it rant and rave - but without me slamming the door in response to it.

Sitting with my feelings is like my T sitting with me.

T can watch and witness everything I bring into session.
T can even be moved by what I bring into session, he may shed a tear or laugh.
But T remains T. T does not witness my stuff and then allow himself to get angry or upset. He honors me and does not try to silence me.

[rainbow8]

Thank you for starting this thread, learning. I've never quite known what it meant either, so I'm glad to read the responses.

[pachyderm]

And it can be very hard to do, when your mind is telling you there is danger, and you must do something about it NOW! Instead, you try to sit with it and examine it and see if you can understand more about it.

[Christina86]

Sitting with a feeling is being mindful of your feelings. I don't have anything more useful to say, except here's something to read maybe that will help!

http://www.criticalstress.com/?page_id=38

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by learning1

Someone asked this question in the depression forum and it occurred to me that I'm not sure what sitting with a feeling means. I have an idea, but I also thought it would be helpful if people could explain what it means to you? Thanks!

have you ever had the cold or flu or had some sort of physical injury where you had medication for it but you stalled using it. Or even have a mental disorder for which sometimes you choose to stall or forgo using medications. instead you let yourself feel your symptoms. you let yourself feel that stuffy nose, upset stomach, or let yourself feel the stinnging throbbing of the physical injury, or you let yourself have those delusional thoughts, hallucinations and eratic behavior, saddness, heavy hearted feelings (or other symptoms you may have depending on what your mental disorder is) that come with your mental disorders?

thats called sitting with your feelings. instead of using medications and other ways to get rid of the mental and physical pain and turmoil that you may be going through you let it happen and feel it happening.

people with mental disorders are notorious for going off their medications and choosing to sit with their feelings and symptoms over taking their mediations that come with some pretty awful side effects. for some people its a trade off kind of choice - sit with their feelings and maybe end up where they feel miserable or feel the awful side effects of the medications.

[Catlovers141]

I agree with the above answers about what sitting with a feeling is. But why do we do it? Why is it suggested for us to do? I'm not sure why this is so commonly told to us when it doesn't do anything about the feelings...

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by Catlovers141

I agree with the above answers about what sitting with a feeling is. But why do we do it? Why is it suggested for us to do? I'm not sure why this is so commonly told to us when it doesn't do anything about the feelings...

Hi Catlovers,

Not sure if I could come up with a good answer to your good question. This might open up the topic:

http://www.kalimunro.com/article_needing_feelings.html

[WePow]

Catlovers, many of the problems we face on a daily basis result from us being impacted by our emotions. Rather than us being the driver of our lives and using emotions as a navigation system, we hand the wheel over to the emotions and end up hanging on for dear life.

It takes practice to learn how to witness our emotions without letting them drive our lives. Therapist suggest clients learn how to sit with the emotions because they know that doing this does not come naturally. We need to be told to do this. We need the reminders. Therapist know that when a person learns how to sit with their emotions, many of the behavior symptoms will be resolved in a natural way.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Catlovers141

I agree with the above answers about what sitting with a feeling is. But why do we do it? Why is it suggested for us to do? I'm not sure why this is so commonly told to us when it doesn't do anything about the feelings...

sometimes it does do things about the feelings. for example my past diagnosis was DID. I had many different memories and feelings that I shut off from myself and did not allow myself to feel or know about. that in turn caused a lot of problems and confusion for me. But once I stopped shutting those memories and feelings off away from myself I learned a lot about my past, and how and why I relate, react the way I do today to normal every day situations, emotions, feelings.

because I allowed myself to feel and know about those things and feelings I now am able to feel a full range of feelings, and know that theres nothing wrong with how I feel and its ok to be mad when something makes me feel mad, its ok to cry when I feel like crying, its ok to feel hurt when I feel hurt.. by sitting with my feelings I have also learned how to better cope with my life, relationships, work, stress, all kinds of things.

therapeutically and medically its not about the feelings per se, its about what a human being needs in order to be healthy. A person can stuff, ignore, shut out how they feel only so long before it starts to cause problems with their lives through medical problems (ie ulcers, stomach, digestion, high blood pressure and others,) or mental problems (Dissociative disorders, PTSD, anxiety, depression, phobias, eating disorders, among others)

only you can do something about how you feel like taking a walk when you feel depressed or closed in, talking out a problem when you feel sad or angry about having a fight with someone... but leaving feelings all bottled up, undealt with can cause mental and physical health problems. so its suggested to people in therapy to sit with their feelings and talk about them instead of leaving them all bottled up, shut out, ignored.

[jazzy123456]

i like this thread... don't know what to say .. but, I like this thread a lot

the physical symptom example was my favorite.

[learning1]

Thanks so much everyone for the really helpful answers.

I read through the pages Christina and Elana posted and I like them. The distinction between natural primary feelings versus secondary feelings that you can control on the page Christina linked to got me thinking.

I like the question Catlover posted, and WePow's response. I guess the idea is that there isn't anything you can do about the primary feelings you have, anyway, so the best you can do is accept them, even if they're painful, and react to them in the healthiest way you can so that you don't make things even more painful for yourself.

I like Amandalouis's reponse too. I didn't mean to leave it out but I just missed it 'til after I wrote this.