t session was bad, first he got rid of the rug i have been staring at for over ten years and i asked where it was and he said "gone"... i felt like i wanted to be gone with it or that t wanted me gone with it.. (i had a safe spot i stared at) dumb i know

and then i hear noise outside his door. some one had come into the office at 920pm at night and HE asks me "who's out there?" and i don't know and told him so... then he sticks his head out the door and YELLS "who's there?" some damn repairmen for the bathroom. Hell, he hires them, doesn't he know when they are showing up and then the repairman wants to know if anyone is in there with him and he tells them "ya"... comes back in and says "where were we" he forgot in fifteen seconds what we were talking about... last time i was there he asked if i did a mood chart for ADHD, which i didn't even know i had, or maybe don't have...

just feels like lately he has been wishing i just wouldn't show up

a couple of months ago i asked him if he could just say one thing nice to me when i am there and he said he would.... i don't know if he forgot or just didn't say anything because there isn't anything nice about me to say..

feeling like a complete failure...

sorry for *****ing... just feeling so beat up lately....

[PTSDlovemycats]

Awe Sweetie! that is no reason to feel like a loser! You are way to hard on yourself. I am sure that your T forgot to say something nice to you and that it wasn't intentional.

P.S. I would have been devastated too if my T had removed her carpet. have similar spot that I stare at.

[mixedup_emotions]

You are NOT a loser....

You are not alone with staring at a certain spot....I do the same. When I'm uncomfortable or whatnot, I usually stare at a certain spot as well. One day, I moved to a different seat to try to work on my posture issues that are contributing to my neck issues, and the one thing that threw me off was not having THAT SPOT to look at. So, know you are not alone.

And I completely understand your feelings about having your session disrupted and T not even knowing where you were. Even though that happens to most of us and we don't think much of it, it's very, very difficult to not take it personally when it comes to our Ts.

I hope you are able to address some of this with your T.

[cautious hope]

*Hugs* Of course you're not a loser, would you say that to anyone else? Of course not, you shouldn't stand and accept low opinions of yourself from anyone, even yourself. Maybe your T had a bad day. Maybe there was a reason he didn't want to talk about what happened to the rug, it could have been something you wouldn't want to know about. Can you bring a matt or small piece of fabric that you can put where the spot used to be? Kind of a woobie to carry with you?

If repairmen around there are like repairmen around here, trust me, he had no idea when they'd show up. Not generally on a schedule-like people. I wouldn't take that personally at all.

[SpiritRunner]

Repairmen do tend to show up at the oddest, most inconvenient time (for you, not for them!) so maybe he got distracted because he was annoyed at them.
But I understand how these things all happening in the same session would feel really unsettling to you, all these interruptions from the usual would be uncomfortable to me too. It doesn't mean you're a loser, not at all!

[Melbadaze]

This reminds me of my tissuse box in therapy, I normally never look at T, and the box is on my left and she sits on my right..I've fiddled with that box, touched it, twisted it about and one day T told me that the Tissue box represented her. Then after one summer break I returned and the box wasn't there I know the box because kleenex changed the pattern on their boxes and I voiced that I'd noticed it was gone now and replaced by another. T told me the box was still in the house (she works from home) if I wanted it? I just nodded no, I couldnt say I wanted it, and then the next session it was back. Ever since then whenever the box is near empty she just takes the tissues out of another box and gently fits them into "my" box, and this has been going on for about 2yrs, I mentioned once that its going to get torn at some point, and T just said, well we can fix it. Your post just reminded me of that and I guess filled be with gratitude for that level of caring, you can't pretend that.