[mixedup_emotions]

(sigh)

I wish I could get a handle on my emotions when it comes to T. Why does it have to be so intense...and so complicated?

During the rupture that T and I had over the last couple weeks, T told me not to email him anymore.

So, I was trying to respect that....although I did send him that email because I wasn't able to reach him by phone and was in full-blown panic mode.

Well, now things are calming down between us - and we both said what needed to be said. I am still processing it all, and still be ingcautious, and addressing things on an as-needed basis.

I go to court tomorrow for the restraining order with my ex, and a lot is going on. A LOT. And a lot of it is unpredictable right now. And I'm in freak-out mode over it. I did not reach out to T by email, like I normally would when I'm in such distress. There are weeks that I don't email him at all....and other weeks, I've noticed, when I email him just to have some kind of dialogue because I'm having a difficult time.

But now with the "no email" request, I was not emailing him....

He emailed me today because I called and asked him an important question for my attorney...I thanked him via email response and shared that I was feeling anxious. He responded to me, and we were both glad that I scheduled an extra session with him for right before I need to be in court....

I then sent him another email saying something along the lines of how I'm feeling badly because he asked me not to send emails, yet I'm sending emails. And that I am realizing that I sometimes need some kind of connection with him between sessions when I'm going through a difficult time and hope that's ok with him.



T responded saying that it is ok with him. He believes we have a clearer understanding of what led to our break of contact - and that as long as I bring my unhappiness towards him to him in person instead of by email, he will provide me with as much support between sessions as he can.

Of course, I realize that this can be interpreted as - if you send me emails about being unhappy with me, then I will refuse to support you. But I believe I know what he's saying here. That a lot gets lost by email communication...and I know his words in writing are seemingly less empathetic and come off as less caring. He does not like emails. I get it.

I am relieved....

But still totally freaking out about tomorrow....Wish me luck!!!

[googley]

Good Luck.

(((((((((((((MUE))))))))))))))
I'm glad you are able to get support from your T between session via email.
If you want pocket riders, you got it!

[mixedup_emotions]

Pocket riders welcome...and needed! Thanks!!!

[PTSDlovemycats]

I will be pocket rider MUE.

[mixedup_emotions]

Thanks, PTSD.....

It feels so surreal that today is the day. UGH....

Last night, the one group member that I had so much trouble with (called me a drama queen, etc.) and we worked so hard to mend and build a relationship actually CALLED me for the first time ever to wish me luck in court today, etc. I could tell that he genuinely cared.

With as difficult as a gestalt based group T is, it's amazing how much good work comes from working through difficult situations.

I am doing so-so at the moment. My stomach is in knots and I am incredibly nauseous. I typically have nausea issues due to the migraines and pan....but just ran out of my nausea meds a couple days ago and am waiting for my refill to arrive in the mail. BAD timing. So, I'm taking over-the-counter nausea meds....not helping.

I know that as the day goes on, I will become more and more anxious...and I typically take klonopin for the panic....but I'm concerned that I won't be on my game at court if I'm on klonopin....but also concerned that I will be consumed with panic if I'm not on klonopin....UGH.

Decisions, decisions.....

I see T at 11:15...then have to be at court at 1:15...then group T at 5:30, IF I can get there in time after court.

Long day ahead....

[SpiritRunner]

I will be a pocket rider, too.......sounds like you have a big day ahead. Wishing you strength and grace!

[rainbow8]

Count me in! I want to be in your pocket today, MUE. I hope everything turns out well for you in court. Try to imagine a calming place, and breathe!

I'm glad your T and you have a better understanding about emails. It's hard to maneuver that situation., as I know all too well.

Good luck today!!!!!

[Fartraveler]

Good luck, MUE. I hope all goes well. I'll hop in your pocket as well.

-Far

[mixedup_emotions]

Thanks, everyone, for your support! I sooooo appreciate it.....

[WikidPissah]

good luck mue

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

Pocket riders welcome...and needed! Thanks!!!

coming with you MUE!!! hoping all goes very well for you.

[googley]

(((((((((((MUE))))))))))))))

More hugs for you.

[Sannah]

I will come along too!

[mixedup_emotions]

Thanks, everyone....Just got back from my session with T and will now be leaving for court.....I'm keeping you all in my pocket....Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I'm scared....

[SpiritRunner]

wonder how it has gone for you?

[granite1]

[sunrise]

Mixed out on joining the pocket gang. How did it go?????

[mixedup_emotions]

Thanks, everyone!

Court went very well. My attorney approached his attorney with our offer, and they accepted. Went in front of the judge, answered a bunch of questions, and the judge approved everything.

Whew.

Now I just need to appear in court for the criminal charges and talk to the prosecutor and judge to ask them to dismiss the charges. That was part of my agreement in exchange for getting what I wanted - which is a psych eval, supervised visitation until we get the recommendation as a result of the psych eval, communication with me limited to only about our daughter and parenting time, and no entering my house, pickups and dropoffs to be curbside only. He agreed to all of it.

I am so relieved....yet feeling so sad for him at the same time. I never wanted any of this to happen, but I know it needs to - for our daughter's sake....and hopefully, it will help him in the long run, forcing him to get the help that he needs in order to be healthy.

I'd imagine that many people walk into court for restraining orders and criminal charges with such anger and wanting justice....I didn't feel any of that. Just sadness about it all....and, of course, the anxiety of not knowing what was going to happen.

Thanks so much, everyone, for your support.

way to go mue! you rocked it girl. i think i feel a bit bad for your ex too but it sounds like it's an opportunity for him to get help.

[granite1]

i am so glad it had an acceptable outcome for you mue.and i hope you ex is able to accept and use the help he needs

[SpiritRunner]

I'm glad it went well for you, and hope that your ex is able to get the help he needs, too.

[Sannah]

Whew! So glad that it went well. I get the feeling that things are going well, and are going to continue going well because you are staying strong and seeking consequences. It really is self care/standing up for yourself. Very good work MUE!!