[geez]

I went to see T today. With all the snow we have been getting I've been seeing her every other week (by default). I told her several weeks back that I wanted to be less dependent on her and less needy. She suggested when I was ready I could do every other week.

Today in my appt I first told T that I did ok during the two week span of time but a had a few bad days and reached out to my online friends I also told her She said it seemed that I've been able to handle things well as there were no crisis calls. I told her I'm going to miss therapy. If I'm having a bad day I know I'm going to see her and I feel better - I'm going to miss that.

Today I was just so happy to see my T. I feel like I really love her (not in a crush sort of way but as someone who has been there for me and has helped me). I didn't feel like talking much about things that I felt uncomfortable about and I told her I wanted to talk about it some other time. I just wanted to be in her presence.

At the end of the appt she asked me what I want to do and I told her I would see her next week but the week after I would skip. My mind was telling me it's time to leave your therapist but my heart was saying no. I left my appt feeling like I had a chat with a friend not my therapist (because I didn't want to go to an uncomfortable place).

What I wanted to say to her: I missed seeing you last week and I love you. I was going through a really hard time for a three day span and I should have called you but I didn't. If I could I would hug you right now. I'm so happy to see you.

Why I didn't say that to her: I feel like she is getting sick of me already. In the first appt I had with her - she mentioned being focused on short term therapy - solution based. Not a person going for therapy for years and years. - and here I am three years later. I don't want to disappoint her so that's why I said I would do an appt next week and then I would go every other week. Because that's what I think she wants.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by geez

I didn't feel like talking much about things that I felt uncomfortable about .....(because I didn't want to go to an uncomfortable place).

I don't want to disappoint her so that's why I said I would do an appt next week and then I would go every other week. Because that's what I think she wants.

You still have stuff to talk about and work through and this is the time to start termination?

Since when is therapy about what the therapist wants?

[geez]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Since when is therapy about what the therapist wants?

Sannah it's not. And my therapist has made a point to tell me it's about what I want when I'm ready and she will wait for my cue (based on my suggestion to stop going to therapy). She told me that every other week could be ok and she thinks I'm healthy enought to not need to go every week. I have a problem with wanting people to like me. If I love/like someone I have a tendancy to do what I think they want me to do out of me feeling needy and wanting someone to like me back. Many times my interpretations of what someone is thinking is really just me doing mind reading and intepretations of what I think they think to fit my scenario in that moment. - hope that makes sense

I hope my thread isn't frustrating you.

[SpiritRunner]

If there are still things you want and need to talk about, tell her. If both your heart and mind said this was the time to end it, then I think perhaps it would be time.....but in your heart, I think you feel and know there are needs left. In your mind it seems you're thinking your T must be thinking it's time for you to go, so you should go.....but maybe your assumption of her thoughts may not really be what her thoughts actually are.
I think perhaps you should tell your T what you're thinking she's thinking, and see what she really is thinking. She needs to know that and she needs to know what you are really feeling are your needs.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by geez

I hope my thread isn't frustrating you.

Originally Posted by geez

I have a problem with wanting people to like me. If I love/like someone I have a tendancy to do what I think they want me to do out of me feeling needy and wanting someone to like me back. Many times my interpretations of what someone is thinking is really just me doing mind reading and intepretations of what I think they think to fit my scenario in that moment.

Yeah, it makes a lot of sense and I think you are doing it with me right now!

I'm not frustrated with your thread at all. I'm just direct sometimes.

Something to talk about in therapy?