[onlymedid]

I love my T, but in a friendly kind of way. She is so caring and kind. I wish we could be friends in real life. I just want to go out and have coffee with her or something. Maybe go to the mall and hang out.
Is this transference? I have heard this word mentioned before, but I am not quite sure if that is what this is.

[Melbadaze]

I think its a natural reaction to being cared about....

[with or without you]

it's transference, and yes it's perfectly normal. I've talked with my T about this a lot. She says it's especially understandable if you've been working with T a long time.

The reason I think it's transference is because you're not friends with T, but if you are fond of T's qualities, it can show you that you can find those qualities in other people. For instance, I remarked to her a few weeks ago that whenever she calls me, I immediately get homesick because her accent is from where I used to live. I told her that I think that means I need to talk with old friends/out of town friends on the phone more.

[onlymedid]

OK, now that I know what it is, how do I bring it up to her? How do I start the topic? I am totally anxious about it because I don't want her to think I am weird or put her off or anything.
Any ideas?

[cautious hope]

one of the reasons you have transference is because you two are doing such a good job together. It connected you. Because she is good, there is no harm or shame bringing it to her. Chances are that she feels the same way. That said, a good T will respect the rules which states that you shouldn't socialize for at least 2 year AFTER you finish therapy

[Sannah]

I don't think of it as transference, sounds like you are just trying to meet your needs. Working with your therapist to build others into your life who you could have coffee with would be a good goal.

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by onlymedid

OK, now that I know what it is, how do I bring it up to her? How do I start the topic? I am totally anxious about it because I don't want her to think I am weird or put her off or anything.
Any ideas?

Just tell her exactly what you posted here. I wrote my feelings about T down and sent it to her, like I specifically listed the stuff I wonder about her. She did not indulge any of my questions (dammit ) but she said they were all normal things to speculate about her or any other person I ever meet, even if I met her at a party and and she wasn't my therapist. I wonder how old she is, what's her family like, what was she like growing up, what are her hopes and dreams, does she believe in God, what does she like to do for fun...those kinds of things. I told her I felt bad, anyway, for being "extremely curious" about her since this is not a "normal" relationship.

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by cautious hope

one of the reasons you have transference is because you two are doing such a good job together. It connected you. Because she is good, there is no harm or shame bringing it to her. Chances are that she feels the same way. That said, a good T will respect the rules which states that you shouldn't socialize for at least 2 year AFTER you finish therapy

Yeah, we are definitely connected. I knew there was some rule about not socializing, but 2 years seems like forever. wow....what a long time. Thank goodness I am not going anywhere for a while!

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by with or without you

Just tell her exactly what you posted here. I wrote my feelings about T down and sent it to her, like I specifically listed the stuff I wonder about her. She did not indulge any of my questions (dammit ) but she said they were all normal things to speculate about her or any other person I ever meet, even if I met her at a party and and she wasn't my therapist. I wonder how old she is, what's her family like, what was she like growing up, what are her hopes and dreams, does she believe in God, what does she like to do for fun...those kinds of things. I told her I felt bad, anyway, for being "extremely curious" about her since this is not a "normal" relationship.

Thanks. That sounds like something I could do. I am much better at writing things down because I can erase and re-write if I need to and I can take my time getting it out. I think if I had to verbalize it I would screw it all up. Thanks for the idea!

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by onlymedid

Yeah, we are definitely connected. I knew there was some rule about not socializing, but 2 years seems like forever. wow....what a long time. Thank goodness I am not going anywhere for a while!

Haha, I have wondered what would happen after the 2 years...like would she even remember me???

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by with or without you

Haha, I have wondered what would happen after the 2 years...like would she even remember me???

Oh gosh....I don't think she could forget me! lol

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by onlymedid

Oh gosh....I don't think she could forget me! lol

Hey T, what's up....2 years are up

"who the hell are you?"

[Marie123]

My t doesn't believe in that concept "transference" and I concur. Transference is present in ALL relationships......the Freudian transference is that we react to people who remind us of someone in our past. Feelings...are simply feelings. I read somewhere that "the only place we call feelings/love, etc....by another name (trransference) is in the therapy room."

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by with or without you

Hey T, what's up....2 years are up

"who the hell are you?"

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by onlymedid

I love my T, but in a friendly kind of way. She is so caring and kind. I wish we could be friends in real life. I just want to go out and have coffee with her or something. Maybe go to the mall and hang out.
Is this transference? I have heard this word mentioned before, but I am not quite sure if that is what this is.

transference is one of those words that are used in many ways given the situation, location and therapy approach.

heres a link that explains some of the ways the word is used in the context of mental health.

http://medical-dictionary.thefreedic...ce+(psychology)

here our therapists use the all but the 4th one when discussing transference.

here we use the words "attraction" and "attachment" for when a client develops strong caring for the therapist type emotions of which you describe in your post.

talk with your treatment provider they can explain what the term is that is used with that therapy agency and where you are located. you dont even have to tell them its you. you can say you read somewhere on line that some people feel this way about their treatment providers and you were wondering if theres a term / word for it.

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

transference is one of those words that are used in many ways given the situation, location and therapy approach.

heres a link that explains some of the ways the word is used in the context of mental health.

http://medical-dictionary.thefreedic...ce+(psychology)

here our therapists use the all but the 4th one when discussing transference.

here we use the words "attraction" and "attachment" for when a client develops strong caring for the therapist type emotions of which you describe in your post.

talk with your treatment provider they can explain what the term is that is used with that therapy agency and where you are located. you dont even have to tell them its you. you can say you read somewhere on line that some people feel this way about their treatment providers and you were wondering if theres a term / word for it.

Thanks for that!

I have brought up transference a number of times in therapy. She seems to be a bit evasive about it. She explains it, but said it has never happened with her and another client. At least, not that she picked up on.

I have also tried to poke her about clients having romantic feelings toward their therapists. She implied that doesn't happen often and she has never had a client express that with her either.

NEW FLASH! She has one now that is (or was) experiencing both of them. I really want to talk with about it, but I feel that she is a bit closed on this topic. She has no idea that I am struggling with this. Being that I have tried to sneak this topic in during a few therapy sessions, I was hoping she would get the hint.

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

I have brought up transference a number of times in therapy. She seems to be a bit evasive about it. She explains it, but said it has never happened with her and another client. At least, not that she picked up on.

I have also tried to poke her about clients having romantic feelings toward their therapists. She implied that doesn't happen often and she has never had a client express that with her either.

NEW FLASH! She has one now that is (or was) experiencing both of them. I really want to talk with about it, but I feel that she is a bit closed on this topic. She has no idea that I am struggling with this. Being that I have tried to sneak this topic in during a few therapy sessions, I was hoping she would get the hint.

That is what I am afraid of with my T. Not being able to approach the subject openly and not being able to tell her how I really feel. I love her a lot, but like a really good friend. I guess I think of her like a motherly figure too....I wish she could cuddle me like a mother would a child. I mean she knows more about me than anyone ever has.....so I should be able to tell her this, right?!

[ladyjrnlist]

Yes. tell her that. I told my T something similar. It's part of having a good therapy relationship, in my opinion, to become close.

[onlymedid]

Originally Posted by ladyjrnlist

Yes. tell her that. I told my T something similar. It's part of having a good therapy relationship, in my opinion, to become close.

OK, I will write it down and let her know.....as scarey as that is for me.

[mark366160]

Maybe an aside... or part... or this, but I got cornered into telling my wife that I was having transference issues with my therapist... that I cared for her. She went nuts. Said I couldn't care for another woman and her... that transference was ********. I'm now having to terminate... sucks... anyone else have his kind of problem?

[rainbow8]

mark, my H has put up with my putting my Ts first, ahead of him, for years. Or at least that's what he thinks because he doesn't understand at all what the t-relationship is like! He's basically jealous, and my Ts are women! I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to quit because of your wife. Maybe have her come to a session and let your T explain transference?

[salukigirl]

My ex used to be jealous of my T but just because I wouldn't tell him everything we talked about. I feel more comfortable having a male T and that made him uncomfortable. He kept asking to go with me even though we didn't have any specific couples issues that could be worked out there. After a while it proved too much for him. My current bf has his own T and recognizes how different that relationship is from everyone else. So if I go to a counselor on campus or something he understands, luckily.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by mark366160

Maybe an aside... or part... or this, but I got cornered into telling my wife that I was having transference issues with my therapist... that I cared for her. She went nuts. Said I couldn't care for another woman and her... that transference was ********. I'm now having to terminate... sucks... anyone else have his kind of problem?

I'm sorry to hear that Mark. It's easy to see where your wife is coming from, and sitting where I sit, it's really easy to see where your coming from too.

I'm really sorry. I wish you had the opportunity to work through this issue with your therapist. Now I worry that you're just kinda going to be left with some really unresolved issues.

Take care.

[mark366160]

Elliemay... my situation is really convoluted, and I would really like to tell someone more about it to give me more of an opinion on what I should do. I don't want to put all of this out publicly though. Would you mind if I PM you some of this?