Lost that feeling....how to get it back?

Since confessing my true feelings to my therapist a couple of weeks ago, I find that I have no emotions for her at all. I feel like I don't even have a connection any more. It feels like our relationship has been severed. This makes me very sad. It makes me not want to continue. How can I go in and see her when I feel like she is a stranger once again?

I don't have any anxiety, no giddy feelings, nothing. If I never saw her again that would be fine with me. I am not angry, I just think something has changed. She hasn't changed, but my emotions toward her have changed. Is this a rupture?

I don't know if it's a rupture or not......but probably a reaction to letting the emotions/the intensity of them out, a sort of stepping back, a detachment. They feel different confessed than they did unconfessed.....if that makes any sense! Now that you have talked about those feelings, they are mutually known between you, it can't help but affect/change the dynamic in your relationship.....or even actually change how you do feel/think about her.
I don't know.....I'm having some difficulties/confusion with how I'm feeling about my T and the dynamic of our relationship, too. For a while, I felt what seemed to be like a secure sort of attachment to me, strong but not too intense, then it seemed to be overwhelmingly powerful and intense.......but with the various discussions we've had about limit-testing, boundaries, authority, etc., it feels like something has changed too. But actually, I know that she re-defined the boundaries, strengthened them. It feels like she has withdrawn from me, too (like choosing not to sit closer to me yesterday when she generally does; I said I noticed that, she said she had decided she preferred that chair really, she was going to stay there from now on and if I wanted to be closer I was welcome to sit closer to her).....and somehow, it's making me feel more distant from her, withdrawn in a way from my attachment, too. Like when you say you wouldn't mind never seeing her again....I think I am beginning to relate more, and it's bewildering to me to feel this way when I've always looked forward to seeing her and felt very positively about her. But I've been thinking the last couple days I'd like to run away, never see her or think of her again, like maybe I don't really love her, just that I thought I did for whatever reason!
....it's not so much being numb as maybe simply having grown weary with having to deal with the pain of attachment or the drama of relationship dynamics and wondering if it's really worth it to continue. I imagine if I tell her these things, she will likely say the feelings are probably pretty normal, a part of the flux that can be in a therapeutic relationship.....people's feelings/emotions/perspectives are in a state of flux, not static but dynamic, and so relationships reflect this. And maybe the T relationship exaggerates it..... all this thinking about this makes me feel like this >
Anyway, maybe it's a phase that will pass if we don't react too dramatically to it!
And probably it's worth mentioning to T, because it is something to explore.....

Oh, I don't know how much help my muddled meandering is to you.....

((((((((((Squiggle)))))))))))

Twice during my therapy, I thought I was feeling an erotic transference for my T...and both times when I told him about it..*poof*...it vanished. VANISHED. I think in those situations, the feelings were so big in my head and when I got them out in the open, it turned out to be not such a big deal. Like so many of the things in my head

On the other hand, as I was in the process of becoming attached to T, there were many, many, many times when I just withdrew. I didn't care anymore, didn't want to go to therapy, etc. I think there was a lot of fear in letting myself feel those attached feelings...I didn't know if I was going to get hurt, or rejected, or thrown out, or if T was going to change his mind about me, or a million other things. And I had grown up without being attached to anyone, and the feeling was just TOO SCARY sometimes...so I would shut it down. Not consciously, but it happened anyway.

It took a long time to reach a point where my feelings for T are pretty consistent. I love him, and I know it's safe to love him, and I know that he loves me, and I know it's safe for him to love me. I really BELIEVE that he would never hurt me on purpose, and I really BELIEVE that his feelings aren't going to suddenly change. I don't know exactly when the turning point was, but there was a lot of back and forth and back and forth before we got to this point.

I honestly think the best thing to do is just. keep. showing. up. Every week, week in and week out. Feelings will come and go, but if we don't show up to do the work, we can't move forward. So. Go if you feel attached, go if you don't feel attached, go if you want to go, go if you want to run away. For me, that was the only way to work through the craziness that is the therapeutic relationship.

Sending hugs...therapy is hard work!

You are right about once I confessed my feelings, they vanished. Poof! Instantly. You know what's weird? I miss those feelings. Even though it was driving me nuts, I kinda liked the fantasy that I had going on in my mind.

Your advice to just. keep. showing. up. is something that I struggle with. I sent my therapist an email tonight addressing whether or not I should come on Monday. I normally journal a lot and bring that to sessions. I have nothing to bring on Monday. Nothing at all! I am not used to being unprepared.

For the first 9 months or so, I just walked into session with nothing. Once I had my breakthrough in December, I bring something to session every time. My therapist thinks this is helping me to stay focused and to be able to address things that I can't just bring up with having them written down.

I am sure that she will be fine if I don't bring anything on Monday. She will probably say something like, "You need to allow yourself to just 'be'. Don't put so many demands on yourself. Changing up things in therapy can be very healing. This may be what you need to do to finally get the breakthrough you have been wanting. Silence can be very healing. I will not leave the room or ask you to leave if you don't want to discuss anything. I will sit with you and be there for you. We can talk when you feel you are ready. Nothing is stupid in therapy, so stop putting that on yourself. Don't limit yourself by what you 'think' you 'should' do."

I hope she is right. In the beginning of my therapy, silence was not healing at all! It was grueling. Now that I know her and I understand more about therapy, maybe the silence won't be as bad.

AND even if the silence feels awful (which it might - it does for me sometimes, still), you are THERE, and that's the best place to start sorting out what you feel.