[maggyjo]

My son is seeing a T with the same company I recently left(to find a new T), He is possible bipolar, but seems to be doing really well. He wants to stop T. Right now he is at every other week. I think I would like to drop to once a month for 2 months and then stop. His T has disagreed with me on this. I am having a hard time with perspective. I have felt both judged and disrespected by this T more than once, But I am not sure if I am just a mommy being over sensitive.

One time she gave my son a questionnaire to fill out. Right away I recognized it as an attachment assessment and questioned her on it. She said even the best parents can raise kids with attachment issues and it is even more prevalent if the parent has an attachment issue. (I do but I am more than aware of how attachment works).

I have also felt she has really crossed the line more than once from T to teaching/value systems the last handout she gave son was on couples in crisis strategies for high conflict relationships. My son is 16. She has also suggested my husband I and I attend some marriage counseling. Of all the things in my life my marriage is the best thing. My hubby is my best friend and we talk about everything, married 21 years.

His appt is tues. I already set up a sitter so both me and my husband can go. Thing is I have anxiety disorder and I don't express myself well so I need a plan before I go. Any ideas on how I can go in without looking like a crazy momma bear? keep in mind she knows I left my T, though she has no idea I have found a new one, because I don't want anything getting back to my old T.

I work in social service confidentiality is bull.

Maggy

[Can't Stop Crying]

Make notes to keep yourself on track, try (I know it's very difficult) to leave the emotions out of it and just present the progress you've seen, any goals you would like to see addressed, and maybe a sort of aftercare plan for after therapy is discontinued. Make sure you, your son, and your husband are all on the same page before the session and if you feel like you're not being heard or validated, send your husband some kind of signal to take over.
It is hard to remove the "mom" in us when it comes to our kids. Ultimately, I believe parents who are truly invested in their kids know best. Stick to your guns about your plans - I can't tell you how many "experts" I've had to fight to try to find the right help for my son. Good Luck to you, sorry you have to deal with all this

[nannypat]

I totally agree with csc. I would want to know specific goals, methods of achieving those goals, time frame, and way of measuring successful completion of those goals.( can you tell I am a retired school teacher?)Granted it is not like learning your multiplication tables, but anything you want to achieve needs basic plan and you tweak it to fit the goal. A treatment plan should be developed for what she feels is left to achieve and be presented to you as such and then you and your husband and son make the decision.
I am a momma bear also and had to be careful not to over protect my "cubs" while they were in school and one in treatment. I found it was better for me to be more hands off, just the motivator and supporter for the school part, but the one in therapy, I found more often than not, my gut instincts served me well. Good luck.

[WikidPissah]

take an hour before the appt if you can, and do every anxiety trick you know. Hot bath, lavender oils, breathing exercises, ativan (if you use it)...everything.

It's ok to have a bullet list, every professional uses them for meetings, why not the caring mom? If you have a really difficult time expressing yourself, give the list to your husband and have him look at you to give him a "nod" after the points he makes (this way T won't think he controls everything). Make sure you wait for your son to respond before you do...that's a big one.

[ECHOES]

When my teen-aged son was in therapy, I stayed completely out of it. It was his relationship and therapy. When I picked him up, I would ask how it went and whatever he wanted to say (usually just "Good") was fine. In fact, it was a challenge for me and we both knew it. I think he felt good about having this relationship that didn't include me.

I would continue to place trust in the T

[maggyjo]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

When my teen-aged son was in therapy, I stayed completely out of it. It was his relationship and therapy. When I picked him up, I would ask how it went and whatever he wanted to say (usually just "Good") was fine. In fact, it was a challenge for me and we both knew it. I think he felt good about having this relationship that didn't include me.

I would continue to place trust in the T

This is exactly the way I started out. I had been in T as a teenager and I had such a hard time trusting my T wouldn't tell my parents everything I said. So I stayed out of it because I really wanted my son to build trust. However there have been too many little things that have just made me wonder.

I just really think that fine line between therapy and teaching values is being crossed.

I will work on some notes. The good news is my T session is on Mon. and sons is on Tuesday.

Maggy jo

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by maggyjo

Anybody have a child in T

Yes. My daughter is in therapy and what ECHOES described is pretty much how it has worked for us too. She is 17 now and has been seeing her therapist for about 4 years. The frequency of their sessions waxes and wanes. There are times she will not go for a couple of months, and then other times she will suddenly go weekly 6 times in a row. I think she is old enough now (and experienced enough with therapy) to have a good sense of how often she needs to go. At first, we had to help determine the frequency (i.e. push her to go, even when she didn't want to), but not anymore. I am really glad my daughter has this other adult in her life who is caring and a source of support. I am sure my daughter talks about me sometimes to her therapist. But I don't ask about that and my daughter doesn't have to tell me. (Although you wrote that confidentiality is bull, my daughter's therapist takes it very seriously and has made it very clear to my daughter that what is said between them stays in her office, unless there is the potential for harm.) I like to think her therapist is sophisticated enough to realize my daughter is presenting things through her own lens. And if my daughter's therapist thinks I am not the perfect mother, does it really matter? (Plus, it's true, I am not the perfect mother!)

Have your son and his therapist discussed having less frequent sessions? I think that is an important conversation for them to have. Do you know why his therapist does not want him to have less frequent sessions? Do you know why your son wants to stop sessions? Is it the same reason you have--that he feels the therapist's values are being pushed on him? There was a time my daughter wanted to decrease sessions and her therapist did not. I had a discussion with her T on this and it was really helpful to hear her perspective and reasoning--very different than my daughter's and not without merit.

Originally Posted by maggyjo

She said even the best parents can raise kids with attachment issues

I think that your son's filling out an attachment questionnaire is not a criticism of your parenting.

Have you and the T discussed your unhappiness with the values teaching in your son's therapy? I agree that is a fine line and maybe impossible to keep separate. Clients, no matter their age, may respect and somewhat idolize the therapist. Because of this, minor clients may want to adopt the T's values, even if they run counter to the parent's. There is similar risk in schools with teachers or coaches of sports teams, or later in college with professors, etc. There is this stream of people who have the opportunity to influence our kids. By teenagerdom, we have to hope that some of what our kids learned from us will "stick" and that they have a good foundation for making decisions and choices.

Originally Posted by maggyjo

However there have been too many little things that have just made me wonder.

I think it is important to pay attention to all these things as well as to seek clarification when possible.

Good luck at your appointment. I think it will be really helpful to have your husband along.

[Can't Stop Crying]

I just wanted to add that with the T my son is seeing right now, I'm very "hands off". I only sit in on the session when I'm invited (usually by my son). I think it's important for him to have that relationship without me intervening, but my son is very open with me and I feel that he is in the right place with this T. The message I got from your original post is that your son and his T have different goals in mind. If that is the case, I believe parents should be advocating for their children. What does your son think about all of this?

There was a time when therapy was not working for my son - that was the point where I stepped in and pointed out the needs and where the disconnect was.
Kids need to feel a connection and unified goal with their therapists, just like we do. If the therapeutic relationship is not benefiting your son, by all means stand up for him!

[maggyjo]

Sorry the attachment thing is just a very sensitive subject for me.

My son is doing wonderfully at home. His coach has had nothing but praise for him lately and he had a recent med change I think really helped.

I may just go in with that and the fact that he wants to be done, Between high school, sports and friends. he doesn't feel he has any down time.

The thing about the confidentiality is that I have had the impression more than once that my(old) T and sons T had talked. I am pretty good at remembering what I said and didn't say.

Maggy Jo