[lastyearisblank]

Yesterday my pdoc said that I am too defensive and don't trust enough.

It is true that I am pretty defensive. In the animal kingdom it is a bad thing. When one bear stares the other in the eye, it means they are inviting them for a fight.

But I honestly don't feel like I am that defensive!

If anything the opposite!

Can you fix this with therapy or is there like a minimum amount of emotional EQ and if you're below that you don't benefit?

I really don't know???????

[darkrunner]

I think learning to trust another and let down defenses is a process. And it's not always linear! Sometimes I'm very open and trusting, and sometimes I go backwards and I'm totally closed off.

When you ask if this can be fixed with therapy - do you mean can your defensive be fixed? If you don't think you're defensive, why would you want to try to fix it? Do you think it would help to figure out a different way to relate to people? That is something that can be worked on in therapy.

[granite1]

trust can take a long time.and if you dont trust maybe you come off as being defensive.i know i sure can at times when i dont mean to.maybe he was pointing these things out to you so that the two of you can talk about them .do you think you could be able to talk with T about it and let T know you dont feel you are that defensive.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Sorry, I don't really have any answers for you but I can see how frustrating this could be for you!

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

Yesterday my pdoc said that I am too defensive and don't trust enough.

It is true that I am pretty defensive. In the animal kingdom it is a bad thing. When one bear stares the other in the eye, it means they are inviting them for a fight.

But I honestly don't feel like I am that defensive!

If anything the opposite!

Can you fix this with therapy or is there like a minimum amount of emotional EQ and if you're below that you don't benefit?

I really don't know???????

Well, in the wild it varies, if you look a tiger in the eye, they are more likely to back off. Probably shouldn't ask how I know that.

I think if your therapist says you are defensive then that is something they are picking up on. It maybe valid or not. Perhaps you could talk to them about it.

Also, I think trust is something that can be developed, but it also has to be earned. You're threshold for earning that trust may simply be higher than others.

Sometimes though it just comes down to a leap of faith and taking a risk to trust. That's ultimately what it came down to with me, taking that leap over and over again. Overall, it's worked out quite well.

[Perna]

The trick that helped me was trusting in my defenses When I learned I was more in control than I thought and very capable of protecting myself (hence, the defenses) it was easier to take chances and experiment with what would happen versus what I thought would happen. Most of my defenses were based on past experience, not immediate, so were about what I was anticipating versus what actually would happen.

[Suratji]

Does T say you're defensive overall or just about certain things? Can he/she be more specific? I would want to know exactly what they're talking about before trying to fix something I don't understand. And being defensive isn't always a bad thing, is it?

[lastyearisblank]

Thanks so much guys! I am amazed how many other people have heard this from their shrinks. It is just a fact of life I guess not really a bad thing. It is not the first time I am getting this but I think I finally get that it's not an insult--it's the high threshold thing. Really weird because I have always liked most of my shrinks right off the bat, but maybe some people have an easier interaction with doctors? (Really?) I dunno.

But I will ask "what does that mean" and hopefully he will say more.

(For what the context was, we were talking about medication. I think "you have trust issues" might just be a shrink trump card that means "take them and don't ask so many questions.")