[ballet_girl]

So I'm on a break from T right now, probably going back sometime in July or August. One of the goals that we made together for my time away was not to SI...and I haven't. A lot of what keeps me motivated is the thought of being able to go into her office and announce that I haven't cut since the last time I saw her. The problem is, I'm worried that she won't believe me. Even if I tell her that I've gone a week without cutting, she always says, "but would you tell me if you had?" which makes me feel like she thinks I'm lying. I can and probably will talk to her about it, but just because she stops asking me doesn't mean that she's stopped thinking it. Especially because I will be spending 6-7 months out of therapy, which is longer than I've ever gone without SI before, if I make it that far. I wouldn't blame her for being skeptical...

[granite1]

wow what a goal and i wish you so much luck and for sure come here and talk sometimes it can help just to be able to vent about how hard it is to people who can understand.and i bet your T will believe you.it's a big ting you are doing so keep us up to date on how it is going OK

[WikidPissah]

She will believe you, because you will be glowing when you tell her. You will be so happy and so free that she will see it on your face

Post when you need to, you are very brave.

[SophiaG]

I think perhaps she doesn't want you to feel ashamed and hide it if you have actually SIed, which is why she asks you that question. "Would you tell me if you had?"

[ballet_girl]

Thanks. Its just hard to stay motivated because I have this picture of me going into her office and telling her and her just rejecting me. And this is assuming that I even make it that far anyway. The thing that really bothers me is that I always tell T when I si. She doesn't even have to ask, I just come out and tell her. So I don't understand why she doesn't always believe me when I tell her I've had a good week. It makes me wonder what else I say that she secretly doubts.

[PTSDlovemycats]

I am sure that she will believe you. Remember have faith in your T.

Do you want to stop self harming for you or for her?

If it's for you great!

But if it's to please her, that's cause for worry. Although positive attention is better then negative attention, it's still seeking attention. (and I am in no way using the word "attention" as judgmental here, I have been around the block when I was desperate and hurting.). So I think that when you return to therapy you need to rather be focused on why it is you want to please her, versus her believing you or not.

I do have to give you 40 million thumbs up though, because the transition from negative to positive attention seeking is a huge step in and of itself. I see some people, who may never make that transition and it makes me sad. It took me awhile to make that transition and then to question why I sought it at all. And when you question that, then you start seeing what's deep down, and that brings healing .

[ballet_girl]

Thanks Lydia. I'm 100% doing it for T right now... it is hard for me to acknowledge that it is actually bad for me, so I need outside motivation. I think its more of a way for me to feel connected with her while we aren't having sessions. We made a bunch of goals together and I guess when I work on them or read over the list we made it makes me feel like I'm still a little bit protected by her.