[DelusionsDaily]

So in T thursday my T asked me why I find it necessary to label my feelings as right or wrong(mostly wrong of course)? I did not even realize I did this...anyone else do this and know why?? I cant figure it out.

[STARLITE*1111]

Originally Posted by MELISSSAD81

So in T thursday my T asked me why I find it necessary to label my feelings as right or wrong(mostly wrong of course)? I did not even realize I did this...anyone else do this and know why?? I cant figure it out.

Sorry I have no good comment but thought it was interesting.

I know I question my emotions constantly and have to tell myself I should or shouldn't feel like that. I try to change it to the positive

[WikidPissah]

I am a harsh judge of any emotion or thought I have...they are all bad/wrong/shameful in my opinion. Don't have a clue why I judge them that way, but I'm sure it will turn out to be some sort of lack of good parenting. If my parents screwed me up this badly, my kids are doomed.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by MELISSSAD81

So in T thursday my T asked me why I find it necessary to label my feelings as right or wrong(mostly wrong of course)? I did not even realize I did this...anyone else do this and know why?? I cant figure it out.

Did your parents never judge on that basis? Right and wrong?

[Elli-Beth]

My T hasn't pointed it out yet, but I always tend to do this. I can't tell you how many times we were ORDERED to "Smile!", so any other emotion was wrong

[(JD)]

I think it's part of "black and white thinking" no grey areas in life... and often comes from a strict upbringing, or at least having a sense that if it isn't perfect, it's unacceptable.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=108173

[ECHOES]

I am very judgemental and I've found through looking at this in therapy and one important thing I've learned is that judging is a thought stopper, for whatever reason. It might be the mind attempting to be efficient, so something is judged to define it and delcare it unworthy of any more thought; or so perfect that more thought isn't needed.

I think when judging is applied to feelings it has to do with shame. Shame for just being. For me, feelings were not discussed when I was growing up. The only person who mattered was my mother. To her, others were just a means to an end, to fulfill one of her needs or goals.
So, growing up and not having our feelings named and validated, and/or having our feelings invalidated as something we "shouldn't" have (for example having tears responded to with "What is wrong with you?!"), having our vulnerability used against us.. I think causes shame that carries to our feelings.. about our feelings.

It takes a lot of practice to not dismiss by judging. I may never get there, but I keep trying.

I tend to be SO self-judgmental...and even more so when I'm in a bad spot in general (triggered, lack of sleep, things like that).

I am practicing literally just having compassion for however I am. In fact, my little mantra lately has been "I'm not okay and that's okay". Or I guess it could be "My feelings aren't okay and that's okay". I know T doesn't love that...because he would like me to see me how he sees me, but I'm not there.

Somehow, there is some peace in just learning to accept myself in my "not-okayness". I'm not even sure if that makes sense, but it feels like a first, baby step for me. And we have to start somewhere!

[peaceful woman]

Emotions by themselves only last 3 - 4 seconds. It's the negative thoughts that we feed the emotions with, that makes them last longer. Any experience of any emotion is always valid, never wrong or bad. The negative emotions are simply signs to us that there is a problem, that we need to do something to calm the emotion down a bit (like deep, diaphramatic breathing), to be able to think about what the problem is and how to solve it, and to finally take action to solve it.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by peaceful woman

The negative emotions are simply signs to us that there is a problem, that we need to do something to calm the emotion down a bit (like deep, diaphramatic breathing), to be able to think about what the problem is and how to solve it, and to finally take action to solve it.

In my childhood I learned that there was no possible action that I could take to solve my problems; any attempt to do so was crushed. So I learned defeat. I am not sure I ever unlearned that, since I was defeated so often even as an adult, due to not having the skills to succeed that I might have otherwise gotten in childhood.

[SpiritRunner]

I do this. It's a product of shame, self-condemnation and lack of compassion toward myself.....it's seeing the negative aspect as more real than the positive and not be able to accept that it's OK to experience emotions, thoughts, feelings, that aren't so positive sometimes. So, yes, I understand.....I'm working on learning to accept ALL aspects of myself and see myself in a more balanced way.....and not see myself as ALL bad just because I have say, an angry moment, or something.