Dear T2: I don't care that it's over. I don't care that you didn't like me as a friend either. **** you. You thought I was whiny and privileged. Go **** yourself. I didn't even want you as a friend anyway so don't flatter yourself. Go ahead and leave. Go on about your wonderful life. I hope you have a nice conventional life. I hope you help lots of children with Lego therapy. Good for you, you ****ing asshole! I hate you.

No, it's not true. I don't hate you. It's not personal. I'm jealous that you're so much more successful and well-balanced than I am. But so what?! I don't care! I know you're better than me. I know I'm failing at the whole life thing and you are not. Go ahead with your wildly successfully career and life. I don't give a ****. In fact I'm glad for you. I'm glad that some people can actually accomplish stuff and make the world a better place. It's a good thing. I put in my time. I tried helping. It's not my fault I couldn't keep it up. I did everything I could. I helped for as long as I could but the world chews us up and spits us out and I'm not that tough. I'm done.

So leave. It's okay. Go help people you have a better chance of saving.

Just remember that everyone can use a little mercy now. Even people like me.

[pegasus]

!

((((((( LostinDC ))))))))

[likelife]

Sounds like a tough interaction, LostinDC

I only saw him for 6 weeks anyway. I wasn't attached. But he was a nice guy. One of those nice "normal" people who plays golf and helps children. I hate golf and I can't have children so it's probably for the best and you were probably sick of hearing about my obsession with T1 anyway. I don't care. You are not my type. You would hate me. I would hate you. But I wish I were like you. Everything so normal and non-dramatic. You're such a nice guy. I don't know why you're single. You're sweet and goofy and smart and funny. You'll find some nice, normal, sweet, funny girl and you'll get married and have kids and you'll be an excellent dad and I'll be jealous because my life is anything but normal but you know what? In a few years you'll be bored and then you'll hire girls like me to spend a few hours with you making you feel sexy and everything you're not and then you can go back to your nice normal life like it never happpened and I'll be okay with it 'cause that's what I do. That's my job. And I won't get attached just like you didn't get attached. Professional. Just business. Just don't let your heart get involved. You're better at that than I am. So I'm sure there'll be no problem. Go away and dismiss me. I'm disposable. Just like you were for me today. Thanks for your business. See you! Good luck to you!

[learning1]

sorry you had such an awful time with your t Lilly. Remember, if he truly didn't care, he's not as good at his job as you think. Your t is not more successful than you are.

Aw, it's okay. It wasn't really that bad. I was just being a baby about it. Like I said I wasn't really attached and I was gonna have to leave one of my therapists (because I have too many) and he was most likely gonna be the one. Not because he was bad or anything (he was actually really good) but because ...well, I'm in love with the first one! lol

[KazzaX]

He might look textbook normal on the outside but just remember: he is probably a broken mess inside like the rest of us. Most people like that are. They overdo the "normal" to cover up their brokenness. Nothing to be jealous about there!

Originally Posted by KazzaX

He might look textbook normal on the outside but just remember: he is probably a broken mess inside like the rest of us. Most people like that are. They overdo the "normal" to cover up their brokenness. Nothing to be jealous about there!

You know, I really think that's true. I once had a colleague who had this cheerleader-type personality that really annoyed me (it annoys me because if someone only has one emotion day in and day out and that emotion is always happy-happy-happy it comes off as really insincere to me). She was always impeccably dressed and always super-professional all the time, never let her hair down so-to-speak. Anyway one day I noticed she had cutting scars all over her arms. After that I didn't hate her so much. All her perfection was just a facade. She had some real pain in her life at some point. I felt sorry for her. Still couldn't be around her very long but I didn't hate her anymore.

I've been thinking more about this T I knew for a whole 6 weeks. I know I wasn't that attached to him but I was starting to be a little bit. I did ejoy his company. He had a nice sense of humor.

I'm really trying to avoid my usual reactions. My usual reaction is to think all these horrible, cruel things about myself:

1. He was tired of my whining when really I didn't have much to complain about.

2. He didn't approve of my "lifestyle" and thought I was immoral (I'm a part-time sex worker until I find full-time employment and I was open with him about that --otherwise how was I gonna pay him?)

3. He thought I was going to try to seduce him because I obviously have issues with men and "authority figures" and even said I should try a female therapist (I have one actually) so he made a point to say he "liked me as a client but not as a friend".

So I don't know much yet about DBT but I know that somewhere in there there's something about undoing bad thoughts like this. I'm just not entirely sure what it is. Anyone have any advice on how to change bad thinking like this?

[learning1]

Sorry I haven't got advice on changing your thinking. But it made me laugh when I read what your t said. Maybe I don't understand since I don't know the context, but it just sounded to me like he was awkward and uncomfortable- his own hangups, not yours.

[Aegis]

Did you actually told T2 what you wrote in your first paragraph? I thought it was really funny. I told one T once to **** herself at one point, but I couldn't do it with the brilliance you just described.

I actually think I'm gonna go back and see this therapist again. He said he was happy to remain as a "backup" therapist for me. I'm doing the DBT stuff but I'm not really borderline. (I seriously explored the possibility of that when it was suggested and I think that I can say after careful deliberation that that's not me and I think my therapists agree. At most if I do have it, it's extremely mild). I want to go back to this T because he was pretty skeptical of the notion and seemed very down-to-earth. I've got my emotions a bit more under control too since I last saw him.

Originally Posted by Lillylillie

I actually think I'm gonna go back and see this therapist again. He said he was happy to remain as a "backup" therapist for me. I'm doing the DBT stuff but I'm not really borderline. (I seriously explored the possibility of that when it was suggested and I think that I can say after careful deliberation that that's not me and I think my therapists agree. At most if I do have it, it's extremely mild). I want to go back to this T because he was pretty skeptical of the notion and seemed very down-to-earth. I've got my emotions a bit more under control too since I last saw him.

It sounds like there's a potential there for a good relationship. From what I've read on this forum, you're really lucky if you find a T that you like and feel comfortable with. Good luck with whatever you decide!