cold and alone

MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING!!!
SORRY, I forgot to put a trigger icon on the post.

Well I drew a stupid picture for T last weekend and I finally gave it to him on Tues. He liked it. Then I wrote an email about how tough I am, that I was "hard as nails" and the gushy side that drew that was from the new medication.

I've been alone a lot lately, H has been working 17 hour shifts. My kids are young adults now and they aren't home much. Last night I went to the beach. That where I do si, and think a lot about sui. I walked a half a mile jetty out into the Atlantic in the freezing rain/snow mix. The rocks were icy and slippery, I was taking a huge risk, especially in my physical condition (docs telling me to take it easy, lay flat or keep your feet up). I wrote T a poem and sent it to him. Effin gushy again, I feel like a weak idiot. I did call him, and he wants me to come in today, but I am scared...I can't be hospitalized this weekend, I have too many doctor appointments, and I have to drive to another state at the end of the week to see my new granddaughter...she looks so beautiful in the pics I got sent. So I am thinking of just saying I can't go.

((((((((((((Eileen)))))))))))))))

Go. Get the support that T wants to give you.

Do you feel like you need to be in the hospital? Doctors appointments can be rescheduled, and the end of the week when you will see your new grandaughter (), you would be home and feeling better. You being safe is the most important thing.

If you honestly feel like you don't need that level of support, be honest with T. You will be sitting right there across from him, and he will be able to see you and hear you and have a conversation with you (UNlike the time in the ER).

There is a middle ground. You can see T and say how you feel and get support and strength to keep moving forward. You can be honest about how you are feeling and what you are (or aren't) planning. Seeing T isn't the same as deciding to go to the hospital. Let yourself get the support you deserve

Oh I am so sorry to hear you are in so much pain.

Yes you should go today. How could he hospitalize you if you're supposed to go see your family? He would have to be very very worried to do that.

Do you need/want to go (to the hospital?) Could you discuss an in between plan, like checking in by phone some time this week?

(Congratulations on your grandbaby!!!!!)

i hope you go to t today so you can get the support you need and not feel so alone.it is a sucky place to be.it is also ok to be a little mushey sometimes

((((((((WP)))))))) Go, get the support you need, it is OK, it will be OK to do that.

I may need total care for a bit, but my physical problems REQUIRE a lot of md appts this week, and I am trying to squeeze them in before going out of state. A psych hospital wouldn't be able to provide the medical support I need.

Ouch, it sounds really bad. I'm sorry

Can you get an extra appointment this week? Are you worried T won't be able to manage the crisis management part of it unless you go in with a plan?

Go see your T. I love walking out on the jetties and I love the ocean but I know I have to stay away when I am feeling like you are feeling because the power of the ocean makes me feel like it would be so easy for it to just swallow me up and make me disappear.Unfortunately I know that's where I want to go when I feel like that. ( talk about a battle in my brain) Get all the support your T can give you. That new little granddaughter needs a her wonderful grandmother to love her and spoil her.Congratulations!

(((((((((((WikidPissah))))))))))))