[ladyjrnlist]

I'm sure that my T doesn't understand the depths of my depression now. He didn't tell me I looked better today, but he just can't seem to wrap his brain around how I can function, talk, even laugh some, and still say I am horribly depressed.

Years of experience with masking it is how I do that. I left session today feeling even more depressed.

Guess it's time for a little heart-to-heart with T. I've got to get him on the same page.

[Suratji]

You express yourself so well on PC. Are you not able to do the same with T?

[maggyjo]

Wow I am shocked he can't understand.

I have been struggling with a deep depression too lately. Yet my home is clean, my kids are all cared for, food is made, appt are taken care of, and I am always well dressed including make up. Does this mean I am not depressed???

Some people just function differently. We don't need to be in bed with the drapes drawn to be depressed.

It is so sad he is not taking your depression seriously.

Maggy Jo

[ladyjrnlist]

Thanks. Oddly enough, I find myself having difficulty expressing myself with T and being assertive, which is never a problem for me in any other situation. I should probably talk about that with him too.

Originally Posted by Suratji

You express yourself so well on PC. Are you not able to do the same with T?

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by ladyjrnlist

Thanks. Oddly enough, I find myself having difficulty expressing myself with T and being assertive, which is never a problem for me in any other situation. I should probably talk about that with him too.

That is interesting. I find myself more open and candid with T than with any other person. That's what makes the sessions so important and validating for me.

[SpiritRunner]

Yes, T probably needs a heart to heart talk about what's going on. Because he doesn't see behind the mask, so to speak, he sees the mask itself.....that is, he sees you are coping and thinks that means you are better, perhaps. The way for him to know how you really are is to say so! And the way to know what each other is really thinking is to talk about it!

[Suratji]

One thing I love about going to T is that I can let it all out. No masks, no hiding - just trying to find ME. I want to be as authentic as possible and that has meant going to some painful places but if I can't do it with T, where else will I be able to just absolutely be myself with nobody's expectations of who they think I should be in play? (I think the previous sentence is ungrammatical, but what the heck)

[nannypat]

Originally Posted by Suratji

One thing I love about going to T is that I can let it all out. No masks, no hiding - just trying to find ME. I want to be as authentic as possible and that has meant going to some painful places but if I can't do it with T, where else will I be able to just absolutely be myself with nobody's expectations of who they think I should be in play? (I think the previous sentence is ungrammatical, but what the heck)

I totally understand. When I first started treatment for severe depression, I was raising 3 boys, born within 17months of each other(a single, and a set of identical twins) teaching full time in public school, teaching religion class on the weekend, my husband was a sales manager and out of town most of the week and abusive when he was home, and all I really wanted to do was crawl under a rock and die. I had a mask for every occasion, including therapy. Then one day my T ask me what I was really feeling. I crumbled. Then the real therapy could begin. Let your T see the real you.You will keep your masks for the places you need the like I did and in some cases still do, but throw away the one that you use in therapy.It is hard and scary. Write him a note if you have to with the question you need him to ask you that will help you to tall him what's really going on. Tell him about your masks and how they function for you. It's really important because he can't help you if he can't see you. Give him/her a chance. Good Luck.