[Lauru]

Last week, T forgot she had an appointment with me. It is a standing appointment. I waited 45 minutes. Finally the receptionist called her. My T had forgotten me. This week, I got a call from T on my cell. She didn't leave a message, but I had a bad feeling, so I called the office. She had gone home early and wasn't seeing clients that day. She didn't even leave a message. I don't even know what to say other than, She. Forgot. Me.

I said it was ok. It wasn't. At least she said it wasn't ok that she did that.

She
Forgot
Me

I feel so small and insignificant.

[venusss]

As much as it suck... it is about HER not YOU. You are not insignificant. She is unprofesional.

If you had a plumber come over your house to fix something and he forget, would you feel insignificant or rather mad?

[Lauru]

I'm really just nothing. Everyone was right all along. I really AM just, absolutely, nothing...

[Lauru]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

As much as it suck... it is about HER not YOU. You are not insignificant. She is unprofesional.

If you had a plumber come over your house to fix something and he forget, would you feel insignificant or rather mad?

Thanks for the kind words. It's hard to get mad when you feel so worthless to begin with. I can't believe she really forgot me.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by Lauru

Last week, T forgot she had an appointment with me. It is a standing appointment. I waited 45 minutes. Finally the receptionist called her. My T had forgotten me. This week, I got a call from T on my cell. She didn't leave a message, but I had a bad feeling, so I called the office. She had gone home early and wasn't seeing clients that day. She didn't even leave a message. I don't even know what to say other than, She. Forgot. Me.

I said it was ok. It wasn't. At least she said it wasn't ok that she did that.

She
Forgot
Me

I feel so small and insignificant.

same thing happened to me!

[PTSDlovemycats]

Oh I am so sorry that happened Sweetie! Try not to take it too personally ok?

[Transcending1]

Laura,

I totally understand where you are coming from. My therapist was chronically late until I told him exactly how unprofessional his conduct was. Speak up and tell your therapist exactly how you feel. Many patients in therapy have rejection and abandonment issues. I struggle with the idealizing aspect of therapy, since it often discourages the client from being critical of the therapist's behavior. As much as it hurts, this is an opportunity to explore your feelings and your therapist's disregard for them. If your therapist persists in not honoring their commitment to you, it might be time to consider a different therapist.

[WikidPissah]

sorry, I can only imagine how much that hurts...but Venus is right...it is about HER, she screwed up, and you have every reason to be angry with her. You on the other hand have done nothing wrong, and are not insignificant.

[granite1]

i would also be hurt .as hard as it is try not to persomalise this it truely is her stuff and i bet you wernt the only one she didnt call if she went home early.i know when something like this happens you can seem so small but you realy arnt at all.i hope you let her know how this is making you feel nextime you see her .i know you said it was ok to her but she needs to know how it made you feel .so you can work on how bad something like thios makes you feel

(((((((((((((Lauru))))))))))))))

That would make me feel really bad too

I wonder if she has something going on in her life? If this isn't normal behavior for her, it seems really strange that she wouldn't be there one week, and then would go home early and not see clients the next week. I know that doesn't make it FEEL any better, but maybe stepping back and seeing that is is her issue and not yours will help you see that there is nothing, nothing, nothing wrong with YOU.

I hope you can talk to her soon, and that you feel better.

[WePow]

I am sorry you are hurting. She hurt your feelings with being unprofessional. That stinks and it isn't right. I can see where that would make you feel like you have no worth.

But you DO have value - a lot of it! She messed up here.

[dizgirl2011]

Hey huni,

I think it's completely understandable that you feel the way you do after what has happened! I would also feel very upset, even if deep down I knew it probably wasn't personal because I would hope that she too would understand the importance of our session and that I was important to her.

It does seem very strange that she "forgot" your session since she has a standing appointment with you...As Treehouse said, perhaps there is something unusual happening for her at the moment which is making her loose focus....however that really doesn't excuse that she just didn't show up as T's are supposed to be reliable...it's part of how they build trust with their client.

Did she call you after missing your first appointment and apologise? If not then I think this is very wrong and unprofessional and I would be angry as well as upset if I was in this position.

I think the second session being cancelled because she left the office early was really unfortunate to have happened after what had happened the previous week. Her going home early was not her forgetting you, as it probably affected a few clients but at the same time I think leaving a message on peoples phones to again apologise would have been polite in such a situation as events like this are generally upsetting to clients - understandably!

I really do get the impression there must be something going on in her home life that is really distracting her from her job, to the extent she is not being professional and you have every right to bring this up with her...she is right in saying...it was not ok at all what she did! At the end of the day we know therapists are only human but it would have been only good manners to apologise to the people she's letting down.

*huge hugs* You are unique and irreplaceable - so valuable and important to the world and I bet your T thinks so too...She did wrong but I hope you both can work through this issue by talking it through and perhaps it wil help you both have an even stronger relationship in the long run!!

huge huggles

[SpiritRunner]

T is the one who screwed up in a colossal way.....and probably hurt other clients too when she took the day off and saw no one. It is about her as others have said, and this is not professional behavior; it's behavior that is hurtful, detrimental to clients. But it does NOT mean that you are insignificant or that you are nothing; you ARE significant, you are somebody, you are the only YOU that is in this world and you DO mean something to your creator!
I too hope you can talk this through with T so that you both have a chance to air your feelings about the situation and that you know what her side of the story is......(((((((Lauru)))))))

oh my gosh I am SO sorry. I hear you about how you feel. Its terrible that she forgot. And didn't even let you know. I'm sorry you feel so bad My heart hurts for you. I know how it feels-- old T did that a couple of times. It hurts, doesn't it? I know you said that it was okay, but PLEASE PLEASE be brave and tell your T how much it hurt. Your T NEEDS to know this. PLEASE talk about it. I really hope this never ever happens again. You ARE significant and you are important.

Poor you- this sounds so distressing, and really hurtful that it happened two weeks in a row. I hope you can tell T that it's absolutely not ok. Actually, I hope T knows that deep down anyway. I agree with others who say that something may be going on for her, especially if this erratic behaviour is quite unusual?

You are important here, and I hope you're ok

[Nightlight]

I was double booked once before and I felt like you're feeling. I was on time but I sat and waited and no T. I waited for about 40 minutes.

A couple of times my T said she'd call me to make our next appointment for various reasons and when I didn't hear back from her I felt really awful too.

It's all so important to me... but a week can easily go by without her thinking about me or remembering that she hasn't seen or called me that week.

When I mentioned this to her she told me "I didn't forget about YOU just the arrangement."

Talk to her some more about it.

She did forget your appointment time but I bet you're not nearly as forgettable as you think!

It is really hard and it's something I worry about a lot. For me I think it seems like I'm struggling along in life but if my T forgets about me then I cease to exist to the one person who is supporting me through all my struggles. It is a tough relationship!

[Lauru]

Thanks all for your kind words. I have been off site for the past couple of days. Trying to be happy and look happy. I have found myself looking at some not so healthy sites on the web. Those pro self harm sites and such. This is a big trigger for me and a huge sign of a impending depression. Plus I want to do the drink till you pass out thing. Maybe I just want my T's attention. Maybe. I see her Tuesday, so I hope I make it till then. I hope T shows up and doesn't forget me again.

I'm sad and tired and I want to check out for a while. Just not feel or think. I guess I should tell my T. But what if it is just to get attention. What if she doesn't care or doesn't take me seriously? What if I really am getting depressed. Should I talk about it in T or just let it slide? I could wait a little longer to see if this stuff runs it's course and fades away on it's own. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Originally Posted by Lauru

Thanks all for your kind words. I have been off site for the past couple of days. Trying to be happy and look happy. I have found myself looking at some not so healthy sites on the web. Those pro self harm sites and such. This is a big trigger for me and a huge sign of a impending depression. Plus I want to do the drink till you pass out thing. Maybe I just want my T's attention. Maybe. I see her Tuesday, so I hope I make it till then. I hope T shows up and doesn't forget me again.

I'm sad and tired and I want to check out for a while. Just not feel or think. I guess I should tell my T. But what if it is just to get attention. What if she doesn't care or doesn't take me seriously? What if I really am getting depressed. Should I talk about it in T or just let it slide? I could wait a little longer to see if this stuff runs it's course and fades away on it's own. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I think, of course, you want T's attention. But I wonder if there is a healthier means of doing so? I think it's very important to talk to her about how this made you feel. This would be a huge step of you taking control in your life, and not allowing her mistake to control you.

I'm not sure she doesn't care, but I'm also not sure of your past relationship with your T. Is this typical of her?

One of the hardest things is that T's ARE human. I had significant things come up in my life and flat forgot about a scheduled appointment before. Professional? Not at all. Human, yes. But that was all on ME. My issues, something in my life, and wasn't at all to do with how much I cared for my client.

As a personal example: Just this past week I've worked hard to repair ruptures because I was out sick as a dog for 3 days and having to reschedule. My clients worried it was them. No, it was me. I struggle with a physical disability, medical proceedures, intense medications, and so forth and my body just flat gives out sometimes. It has nothing to do with my clients. I'm just human, thus I fail at times. But I would always, always want to hear how this impacts my clients. Because that gives them a chance to be heard, and me a chance to explain the actions so they can see it wasn't me trying to hurt them.

If you choose to let it "run it's course", that's an option. I just would hope there is no unhealthy/harmful behaviors. If you need T, you need her. Either way, even if it can run it's course, a discussion seems necessary. For you and for her.

[Transcending1]

Stormyangels, Ts are indeed human, and most patients can understand that, but it's easy for someone with abandonment/rejection issues to assume that it's personal. My T was late for every appointment (sometimes 30 minutes or more), but has been much more conscientious since I shared my feelings with him. Actually, I told him that if I was exhibiting this type of behavior, he would see it as avoidant, passive-aggressive, or exhibiting narcissistic traits. I also told him that I understand things happen, but for all I know, he's just hitting the snooze button and rolling back over. I must be the patient from hell, but I also told him that I honor my obligations (paying, being on time, etc) and he should honor his. I also told him that every time he is late, I began to ponder what is going on in his life that is preventing him from meeting his obligations. Hence, I'm considering his needs before my session even starts. For someone who was parentified as a child, I'm susceptible to considering his needs without reason which is counter-productive to the process. If therapist tardiness or cancellations become a chronic problem, it needs addressed. I think that many therapists forget that the alliance is CO-CREATED.