Can't trust T

My 17 year old daughter had me come to her therapy session and told me she is moving back in with her father. I learned she, her therapist, and her dad had everything arranged including arranging for her to keep going to the same school which requires me to live in the same town I'm in now. I had planned on moving to a different city next year when she goes to college.

To top it off, my T called me earlier that day to cancel our appointment and then left for Europe until May. And my daughter's T had spoken with my T before mine called to cancel our appointment. My T said nothing about what was going to happen when I met with my daughter and her T.

I'm devastated. I had no idea this was coming. I have to find a new place to live because I don't want to live in this big house by myself. I will be all alone for the first time in my life. And I don't feel like I can trust anyone anymore.

Thanks for giving me a place to vent.

Hey,

I can understand why you feel upset and angry at the situation. It isn't a nice feeling to be kept in the dark. Do you know why your Daughter has decided to move and why she felt she couldn't tell you without the secrecy around it? If she is going to college next year and you want to move next year does that not work out ok? So you can move next year like you wanted when she leaves school?

Do you know why your daughters therapist called your therapist? Obviously your therapist couldn't share anything about you to your daughters therapist and vice versa, unless your daughter allowed it or suggested it. Perhaps your therpist thought that it was bad enough that she had to ring to cancel your session before a break in therapy without piling on more worry about what the session with your daughter would hold...or perhaps your therapist thought it wasnt her place to say...it's hard to know. What date in may does she get back?

Would you have been alone next year when she moved to college or did you hope she would stay at home and travel?
Do you think your daughter was worried how you would cope living on your own? Perhaps she was afraid of how she may hurt you and thats why she wanted support in telling you?
I know this may sound silly but do you have a pet? if not perhaps consider getting one as it will help you feel less alone in the house also.

I can imagine your feeling very upset and it will take time to get used to, we are all here to listen and help in any way we can!

**huge hugs**
xxxx

Keep on sharing here on PC. I am so sorry this hit you out of the blue. Not cool.
Can you start checking on maybe getting a different T? That just sounds aweful and you need to be able to trust your T.

I agree completely with WePow.

Why would you be obliged to obey this plan?

It doesn't suit your needs, and you weren't involved in designing it, yet it puts serious limits on what you can do and where you can live.

Do your ex, your daughter's T, and your daughter really have the ability to tell you where you can or cannot live?

I personally would be hurt and extremely furious if this happened to me.

Hello, jude23. Is it a residency thing for your daughter's school you are talking about when you say you cannot move?

Getting a different therapy is a good idea.

Are there any support groups you might join to get you through the adjustments you have to make?

I feel awful that this is happening to you! Also, that maybe, as someone mentioned above, your T thought you had enough going on. However, I find it completely untrusting that your T would not mention anything to you about any of it. Maybe a different T or a support group WOULD be better for you. All wishes that you and your daughter can mend the situation. I am so sorry for what has happened, but I am new here for the past week, and everyone here has been so supportive and understanding, not to mention always has a ear ready to listen.. I hope you can find that here as well. Much love to ya.

I don't usually like to jump to this conclusion, but...NEW T. Did your T have written consent to talk to daughter's t, or are they in the same office? She should have given you a head up, or at least an appt right after the other one.

(PS: are you absolutely CERTAIN your T knew this, or is it just hearsay?)

It doesn't sound good to me either that you would be left out of this decision, and that T knew but said nothing......however, your T may have been thinking about confidentiality in not disclosing what a different T shared. Nonetheless, how things went down sounds unfair to you and I understand why you feel devastated! Hugs to you......