[ballet_girl]

I've always really struggled with being in the moment in T, and it just now occurred to me that some people on PC might have the same problem and/or advice

Its frustrating because I might be reliving a terrible event or having a complete nervous breakdown the day before T. And I will want to talk to her about it, but as soon as I get into her office all of my emotions just go blank. Usually I will just tell her how I was feeling before, but I feel like it would be so much more helpful if she could actually help me process my emotions as well as my thoughts, which is hard to do when I'm just feeling numb while talking to her.

And I'm trying to figure out why it happens. All I can come up with is that it is either 1) an automatic response left over from when I was still getting to know T and didn't feel comfortable showing emotions in front of her or 2) that being in her office, which is a super safe space for me, and having her there to distract me means that I don't feel the same emotions that I would when I'm alone and dwelling on issues.

[rainbow8]

The same thing happens to me, and I'm sure it happens to most of us. I shut down a lot of the strong feelings that I feel when I get into T's office. I want to share with her how I'm feeling in the moment, and she wants me to do it too. I think it's due to a combination of factors: anxiety, distraction of being there, and not quite knowing how to access those feelings.

My T and I do meditation/breathing first. Sometimes that helps. Or we do art therapy or the methods she uses, IFS and EMDR, which help me access feelings. I know most Ts don't use those techniques, though.

I'd suggest talking with your T about this problem and seeing what she suggests.

[ballet_girl]

I really like the ideas of meditation and art therapy. My T never suggests it though, and I would feel strange asking. T has said that she thinks it would be helpful for me to let myself feel emotion when we are talking. I think she thinks that I am purposely holding back. Which I like because it means that she thinks I'm tough lol.

[SpiritRunner]

It happens to me most of the time. I go in feeling teary and am NOT teary when session gets going.....my emotions do go blank. I don't mean to shut them down, but I think it is an instinctive, protective response that I have at times. Except for the HUGE wave of anxiety I had the other day that she thinks came from feelings not wanting to be suppressed.....
Meditation/deep breathing helped with that, and helps otherwise. T has done visualizations with me that really help too, in touching base with those emotions and dealing with them.

[dizgirl2011]

Hey,
I really struggle with this too. I may have had an awful week and during it I am just dying to talk with my therapist and have her there with me. Then I walk into therapy and feel numb, go blank and even though I may be telling her what happened or how I felt, I cant really connect with how bad it felt so it comes out in a flat monotone voice. Sometimes i cant even say the words and I spend a lot of the session in silence, telling myself in my head to "just speak!!!!" but i cant.

I think it's a mixture of maybe self protection - where your mind knows thinking about it will hurt so you numb it out, maybe a level of calmness of being with your therapist and feeling safe so you cant remember how it felt to feel the badway you felt, or maybe fear that by saying it, it wont help. It could be emotional exhaustion too maybe. Maybe we struggle so hard to get ourself through the bad times and waiting on our therapy day to come around that when it does we just feel emotionally spent.

*huge hugs* I can totally relate!

[Suratji]

I think there can be different contributing factors. For me, just being in T's office feels calming and safe. So, that makes it possible that the feelings are not so prominent.

Secondly, I think there can be an instinct of self-protection. I find that I vacillate between wanting to 'feel' in session and not wanting that experience.

The reason I sometimes want to avoid the emotions in session is that it has gotten very intense for me and very difficult to manage. And then I feel like I'm being dumped out on the street right after session and left to my own devices to cope with the newly aroused state that I've gotten myself into. Who wants to experience that?

Same thing happens to me too.

[Sannah]

I am familiar with this. For me, I grew up in a family that didn't interact. I had no experience sharing with anyone. I remember being alone a lot outside while growing up. I'm better now at sharing with others, with being present with others. I had to work on it.

[BethD1980]

this happens to me too, T asks me to catch her up on the week and im like uhmmmmm, my mind just goes blank, even if ive had a bad week. I am very much in the moment at T, and she promotes it. We do breathwork and meditation too. Its very hard to feel bad when Im with her. I had T today and I feel so good. I very much enjoy going to T, and she lifts my mood just being there.

[SoupDragon]

I wish I could feel when I am in there - everything gets foggy

[elliemay]

I'm a big believer in the blurt. Just spitting it out without much thinking. Also one of my favorites is "I was __________ in the waiting room, now I'm just ________". That usually helps to get the ball rolling a bit too.

However, my all time favorite trick to open up is to take my hands (which are usually still clinched or wringing) and turn my palms toward my therapist.

For me, it is hard to describe the opening the single gesture causes, but it really works, at least when I do it.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by ballet_girl

I've always really struggled with being in the moment in T, and it just now occurred to me that some people on PC might have the same problem and/or advice

Its frustrating because I might be reliving a terrible event or having a complete nervous breakdown the day before T. And I will want to talk to her about it, but as soon as I get into her office all of my emotions just go blank. Usually I will just tell her how I was feeling before, but I feel like it would be so much more helpful if she could actually help me process my emotions as well as my thoughts, which is hard to do when I'm just feeling numb while talking to her.

And I'm trying to figure out why it happens. All I can come up with is that it is either 1) an automatic response left over from when I was still getting to know T and didn't feel comfortable showing emotions in front of her or 2) that being in her office, which is a super safe space for me, and having her there to distract me means that I don't feel the same emotions that I would when I'm alone and dwelling on issues.

Me too. I know that feeling numb in the moment is a form of self-protection. I'm not really numb, because feelings are there. I'm just not allowing the real feelings to surface. That's way too scary.

There are many fears. Fear of being judged, fear of being ridiculed, fear of being rejected.... those are the things we talk about and it helps me to not numb as much, but I have a long way to go. And that's okay - it's where I am and that's the only place I can be.

But at times it feels very "stiff", or I feel very "stiff" and then later at home, with my mind more relaxed and thinking back on the session, I wonder to myself why I can't relate more in the comfortable way I'm feeling. I trust it will keep getting better though.

[lastyearisblank]

I know what you mean, the feeling slips away from me really quickly....

I sometimes stop and tell myself: "You are being listened to here. Tell it like you would tell someone who would really, really want to know."

Sometimes it helps to just imagine it like, if my T needed to know, for her own good, how I feel. That helps me be more authentic and in the moment for some reason.

[REEG]

Ah, sometimes just 'talking about talking about it' can help too- you know: I feel as if I have a hard time being in the moment when I come to T. Describe your internal experience share a bit of why you may be anxious or even what it would mean to talk more. Kind of a round about way to get there but it's easier at times than just pouncing on it..

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by elliemay

I'm a big believer in the blurt. Just spitting it out without much thinking. Also one of my favorites is "I was __________ in the waiting room, now I'm just ________". That usually helps to get the ball rolling a bit too.

However, my all time favorite trick to open up is to take my hands (which are usually still clinched or wringing) and turn my palms toward my therapist.

For me, it is hard to describe the opening the single gesture causes, but it really works, at least when I do it.

That is really interesting, Ellie May!
I also am a person who's hands fidget a lot at times. I've also noticed that they can be calm when the session progresses or if I have something really important to talk about going in. So, I wonder if sometimes my fidgeting hands are a defense or a way to censor my thoughts. Speaking and saying "I am far too busy here to think!"