[childofyen]

As I've mentioned in other posts, my T is gone for two weeks which means I'm on my own for three. I've been seeing my T weekly since just before I got sober almost six months ago. The week before she left I had a little mental breakdown. I couldn't eat or sleep... I felt dependent and scared to be without her so long, and shame for being so dependent and scared. I was unable to be honest with her about these feelings and spent our last session trying to control my bizarre facial expressions while consciously trying to hide the truth from her. Embarrassing. Anyhow...

I was afraid that I couldn't stay sober while she was gone. I was scared that I wouldn't be able to manage my emotions. I worry that I don't have enough coping skills to be honest and sane at the same time. The first week has almost passed by and suddenly I have a new fear...

If I DO stay sane and sober without her does that mean I don't need her?? I want to learn honesty and truth. I want to stand tall and speak the truth. I'm not there yet and I feel I need her to help me get there. But I'm scared that if I make it without her then that will mean that I never needed her, that my depression isn't real and my alcoholism is nothing more than overindulgence and I could have quit at any point. I don't feel these things to be true.. but I can't reconcile this all in my head. Does anyone have any insight? I don't feel like I'm doing a good job articulating what I'm experiencing and I'm hoping someone out there has been through something similar and can help me to understand. Thank you -CoY

[Xeneon]

Congrats on making it a week without her!!! Its normal to have all those fears, when your T is leaving specially when she hasn't left before. If you do stay sane and sober without her, then that means you can did it but it doesn't mean you don't need her still. It just means you have learned enough to keep yourself together while she was gone. It doesn't mean that you don't have depression or a problem with drinking. It just means your improving. I think you will be fine without her, even if you do drink at least she will be back soon but I faith in you that you will do just fine without her. She'll back soon!!! Think positive thoughts and take care!!

((((((((childofyen)))))))))

The wonderful thing about therapy is that we can just be honest about exactly where we're at, and it's okay. The things that you said you want to work on...honesty and truth and the ability to stand tall...are good and important things. The first step, of course, is staying sober, which is what you are doing, and that is an amazing amazing accomplishment For me, getting (and staying) sober was the first step in a long journey of healing.

We don't have to "prove" to T that we're "sick enough" to get their care and support. However we are is OKAY. And no matter where we're at, there is always, always, always room to grow and learn and heal.

Those two week breaks are hard. I'm glad you're reaching out here

[childofyen]

Originally Posted by treehouse

((((((((childofyen)))))))))

The wonderful thing about therapy is that we can just be honest about exactly where we're at, and it's okay. The things that you said you want to work on...honesty and truth and the ability to stand tall...are good and important things. The first step, of course, is staying sober, which is what you are doing, and that is an amazing amazing accomplishment For me, getting (and staying) sober was the first step in a long journey of healing.

We don't have to "prove" to T that we're "sick enough" to get their care and support. However we are is OKAY. And no matter where we're at, there is always, always, always room to grow and learn and heal.

Those two week breaks are hard. I'm glad you're reaching out here

((((((((treehouse))))))))) Thank you!

[WePow]

((((CoY))))) It is ok to feel that you need T and that you don't need T ... at the same time :-) Right now, just allow yourself to miss your T. But also allow yourself to be proud of the work you are doing to stay sober and healthy. This means you are doing the work in therapy and you are getting the reward for your effort!

[childofyen]

You all are the best. I'm not used to opening up and talking about things. I feel relieved to have found this place and all of you. Thank you for helping me find strength.