[lastyearisblank]

Has anyone else ever had to contract with their therapist as part of their therapy?

-To come a certain number of times per week
-To not do certain things, as a condition for coming to therapy.

It's part of my therapist's "frame," sort of like homework. Except it's NOT optional.

Is this a part of certain therapies? Does it work? I realize this is really vague but just wondering.

[Suratji]

How interesting! I'm so new to therapy that I've never heard of that. I will be interested in how that works. Is that how it's going with your therapist now? Did you sign a contract?

I imagine it could be a good healing tool under certain circumstances.

[lastyearisblank]

It's driving me crazy!!!!!! I want to say uncle. Every therapy session feels like a wrestling match.

[PTSDlovemycats]

I have had to fill out Safety Contracts before with my T saying that I wouldn't try to kill myself while she was away on holidays. That was several years ago now though...

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

It's driving me crazy!!!!!! I want to say uncle. Every therapy session feels like a wrestling match.

Yes, that's a good idea. Cry uncle. Stop resisting so much. (Of course, I don't know the details so ignore my advice )

[lastyearisblank]

Mine is to share any drinking or other things similar to that.

I also have to share anything self-destructive (I do not SI but other things that could be classed like that).

It drives me crazy because I'm in therapy to stop feeling so bad. Those things help feel better. And now they're part of the condition to be in therapy? NO THANKS!!!

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

Mine is to share any drinking or other things similar to that.

I also have to share anything self-destructive (I do not SI but other things that could be classed like that).

It drives me crazy because I'm in therapy to stop feeling so bad. Those things help feel better. And now they're part of the condition to be in therapy? NO THANKS!!!

You understand, though, don't you? That those things that make you feel 'better' are self-destructive and in the end will not make you feel better.

From my own experience I know that healing is very painful. We can compare it to a scrape on the knee. When you fell off your bicycle and hit the ground the wounded knee was impacted by all the dirt and gravel. Now, even though it causes more pain TEMPORARILY, the wound must be cleaned before it can heal.

Likewise, we must go through a lot of scary and uneven emotions to get to the bottom of our troubles. We must have the courage to keep going. And there will be lots of ups and downs. But, just a little spark of faith will entice us to continue the work. And it is work, dammit!!

[lastyearisblank]

Absolutely. I admire your attitude Suratji. I am not able to keep that faith. For me it's like "does anyone really care if I do these things? no!" so who cares? I am not sure if it's worth it. It is such a one sided relationship that it makes me angry I am paying a therapist to tell me what to do.

[lastyearisblank]

P.S. I know I should talk to her about this. But ugh, . It's just too much before we know we can trust each other.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Neither my previous therapists nor my current one required any sort of contract. Then again, my previous two t's, I didn't trust enough to tell them I was considering sui or that I SI. My current t knows that I've considered sui and that I SI, but she has never suggested any sort of contract, for which I am eternally grateful. I think she knows that doing so would absolutely destroy the trust I've built with her because I would feel like she's trying to control me (which is a huge, huge issue for me). We talk about these things, and I tell her when I've felt sui urges or when I've SI'd, and we talk through the feelings around that. The ONLY way I'm willing to discuss these things is if I have control of the conversation and if I feel that it's not being forced on me, and if I feel that my t trusts me to bring my concerns to her. So far, it works for me and my t.

[Suratji]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

Absolutely. I admire your attitude Suratji. I am not able to keep that faith. For me it's like "does anyone really care if I do these things? no!" so who cares? I am not sure if it's worth it. It is such a one sided relationship that it makes me angry I am paying a therapist to tell me what to do.

Well, it's obvious you do have that spark of faith, small as it may be. You are continuing therapy so far.

Who cares? - you do.

Does your therapist really tell you what to do? In what ways?

And why would you want it to be other than a one-sided relationship? How do you want it to be?

[SoupDragon]

My T was keen not to have contracts - their view was that SI was the only coping mechansm I had and if they took that away then I may do something worse. Also it is only a symptom (not a pleasant one of course) and by working on the root cause it would stop anyway. Also by giving attention to it, it may get worse.

So I guess there are just different appraoches / theories on what works and maybe different things work for different people.

How do you feel about it? Why do you think your T is asking you to contract?

[dizgirl2011]

Hey Lastyearisblank,

All Therapists learn about contracting and it is a part of therapy, however sometimes the therapist may not refer to it as such but it happens in everyones therapy. It is usually something that happens at the begining of therapy, at the first or second meeting.
It's not always nesscarily a written contract but more of a verbal agreement such as, "does wednesday each week suit you?", "the cost is $40 per session",, "we will have 12 sessions together" "what you say is confidential, appart from if you a harm to your self or others, a child is at risk or you are involved in illegal activity", "if you cannot attend a session please give 24 hours notice or the full charge is expected" etc, Other things such as contact outside of sessions could be included or could be agreed further down the line by a therapist simply saying " you may contact me if in need, you can email once a week, etc".

Contracts are made so that the client and Therapist have an agreement on how things will be done. It is as much for the clients benefit as the Therapists in that the client is then clear of what to expect in many ways from the begining. Sometimes it is written down and signed by both parties and other times it is just a verbal agreement.

It is definately a part of therapy but sometimes it is more obvious than others. Simply agreeing to meet each week is a type of contract. Some contracts may be more extensive depending on the issues or type of work.

xxxx

[emilyjeanne]

I had to contract that if I attempted suicide my T would stop being my therapist.

Let me tell you, it stopped my behavior in its track.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

Mine is to share any drinking or other things similar to that.

I also have to share anything self-destructive (I do not SI but other things that could be classed like that).

It drives me crazy because I'm in therapy to stop feeling so bad. Those things help feel better. And now they're part of the condition to be in therapy? NO THANKS!!!

It doesn't sound like you are not being asked to not do those things, but to share when you do them. Those are dysfunctional behaviors, presumably ones you want to work on and hope you will not have forever. If your T knows you are doing these things, it can help her help you better. I have heard some Ts request (maybe contract?) that clients with substance issues not come to sessions high or inebriated.

I do understand how a contract can be offputting. The T could also just request that you tell her when you have self-harmed or drunk instead of putting it in writing.

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

For me it's like "does anyone really care if I do these things? no!" so who cares?

I don't understand the leap from your therapist wanting you to share with her when you drink or self-harm to she doesn't care about you.

[WikidPissah]

I had one T that used to do a verbal "safety contract"...she was DBT based. It led to me just not telling her because she would do no communication for 48 hours after an incident. Current T doesn't do that, and I haven't had any incidents in almost a year. It seems that not focusing on the bad behaviors all the time works better for me. But that doesn't mean it's better for you though...everyone is different.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by emilyjeanne

I had to contract that if I attempted suicide my T would stop being my therapist.

Let me tell you, it stopped my behavior in its track.

My T uses a similar strategy with clients. If he has to hospitalize a client for suicide danger, that is the end of their relationship. He said it has cut way down on hospitalizations and suicide attempts. He forms a positive, strong, and therapeutic bond with clients and hopes it can be a reason they choose to stay on this Earth until they are better. If they stick around, he can work with them further and help them get better. He welcomes talk of suicidal ideation as it can help the person relieve the tension and impulse to act. This also helps him assess the danger. I do think he uses contracts with these clients.

[lastyearisblank]

Yeah I just don't think I can deal with the combination. The requirement to not use any of my coping stuff and the constant threat of abandonment/rejection. I cancelled for next week (it's too late to fix) and then T goes on break. Guess this is a last hoorah???? We'll see each other next month and work it out then.

[lastyearisblank]

By the way I'm not upset about this. There's no way we can make progress without being on the same page anyway. I will come around but I feel like this alliance can not take a lot of strain or ambiguity (and by this alliance I mean ME!!!)

[nannypat]

I can understand my therapist policy that if I attempt su then we won't continue to work together because it means something isn't working. But If I have to fear that she will terminate with me if I have fears of being unable to keep myself safe and need to be hospitalized, I would never tell her. She trusts me to tell her. I have promised to tell her, and she knows I will. If I was threatened with termination, I don't think I could. We have worked together for many years and she has hospitalized me when I told her I was not safe. No amount of talking was going to change that. She couldn't be with me 24/7. She trust me. I trust her. It works for us.

[SpiritRunner]

In hospital, I had to keep contracting to be safe....
My T had me make a safety contract with her too about various self-destructive behaviors I might be tempted to engage in, to not do them, and to be honest with her if I did. Therapy wasn't contingent on that......but I suppose if I had kept on doing things, she would have found that therapy wasn't helping me and that it would be unethical to continue treating me if I showed no improvement......

[lastyearisblank]

This is what confuses me--
It's like...

Don't do the bad thing, or else the therapy won't work.
And then if you do it, you need to admit it! Because it's in the contract!
And then if you keep doing it, the therapy is over!

What kind of a contract is that??? I should be getting paid to work this hard!!!

It's so like... diabolical!

By the way I'm also not allowed to cancel. Because it's ALSO in the contract. I'm not so sure about that one but I don't feel like arguing right now.

Yep.... pure evil!

[jazzy123456]

my T doesnt come right out and say ..."we have a contract" but, she implies that certain things are and arent acceptable..she ultimatley leaves things to my choice but, if the choice was hers..more often than not, my therapy would look very very different.

[jazzy123456]

haHA....omg...we should be getting paid for this. lol.