[Chloe2]

I'm so full of resentment since I got involved in this yucky process! Will this go away anytime soon? My t said I needed to to talk about things I had kept inside and blocked for so long, so I did, now I sense he doesn't understand how difficult it is for me to live with the open wounds. cold and stiff. It feels too businessy. He isn't that kind of person, but thats what Im getting from him. Maybe it is me! I wish I had been given a warning about Therapy! Ack!!

I'd like to hear what others say as well....my first session I "vomited" out all the bad feelings I have...but it took a while till I was comfortable to tell about some of the reasons for all the bad feelings...but now since I've told him...it feels weird...sometimes it feels cold and stiff...but I think with my T. its cause he's really listening maybe....one time he teared up so I know its not easy to hear about it...just like its not easy to tell...

sometimes I wish I hadn't opened pandora's box either but then there are the rare hours when things are better...and I keep up the hope...

Maybe you just need to keep trying longer...some people I read posts from on here have been going to T. for years.

[learning1]

I think that's strong of you to consider that maybe it's you. Well, from reading here on PC for a while now, I think it's common that people feel that way in therapy. It sounds like you understand that it's a therapy thing, and not just you.

I feel dumb, silly, embarrassed about the reasons I'm going to t- stuff I gave as the reason for being there at first. He hasn't asked me to talk about it again a lot except last time, and I didn't manage to say much. Sometimes I semi- think I should quit because my issues aren't all that real or serious or acceptable, but then I remember that there WAS a reason I wanted to go and it's still there. It doesn't matter if my issues are as serious or acceptable as other people's issues- it can still be a good idea to work on them. Besides I've quit a zillion times before and just kept wondering if I should try again/ should have tried harder, etc., so might as well stick with it.

I think it takes time to get comfortable with your t, same as with any person, except it's harder since in t the reason for being there is to talk about stuff that wouldn't be comfortable to tell someone when you first meet them. So, maybe take your time and see how it goes?

[lastyearisblank]

Yes, I get that, there's all these primitive doubts that get dredged up by this process. That's something that was REALLY surprising about therapy for me.

It helps to remember (for me) that who you are in there is not your "real" self or whatever. It's different states that you're living. Need to be strong and together in real life? you can secretly be a sobbing mess. Have all these secret wishes that are pretty bad? Your therapist is kind of a keeper for all of those. You can take them out and look at them. And you can put them away, because realistically different people are going to elicit different things in us. We're not the same all the time and in real life we don't have to wear our heart on our sleeve all the time.

[Chloe2]

I appreciate everyones comments. Possibly I resist caring from people, without realizing it which in turn results in them taking a step back and I believe that no matter who I was working with I would be dealing with the same obstacles. Its just Im really hurting right now and wish I was getting more emotionally from him to be able to move forward because its feels like I'm going through it alone. Why is he so stiff with me! Does anyone understand that feeling? Its holding me back but I would never be able to tell him how I feel, it feels too childish.

[learning1]

hmm, I'm not sure. But are you sure you couldn't tell him what you need somehow? To me, it's pretty surprising how much stuff you can get away with saying in therapy that would seem really weird to say in most situations. Your t might be really happy you asked or told him how he's coming across. On the other hand, if you can't ask, maybe you need more time to get used to each other?

Originally Posted by Chloe2

Its just Im really hurting right now and wish I was getting more emotionally from him to be able to move forward because its feels like I'm going through it alone. Why is he so stiff with me! Does anyone understand that feeling? Its holding me back but I would never be able to tell him how I feel, it feels too childish.

I remember feeling like this early in therapy. My therapist was just SITTING THERE in that chair looking at me and I felt soooooo uncomfortable. He would ask the occasional question, but he almost just seemed like part of the office furniture...but part of the office furniture that might JUDGE ME

When I got brave and started telling him what I needed from him, I didn't get it from him. I remember once him asking me what I needed, and I said "I need you to pat me on the head and tell me I'm doing a good job" and he said "Well, that's not really in the bounds of our relationship" or something like that and I just felt like "UGH".

It took a long time for me to learn to trust T, and it took a long time for us to get to really "know" each other. T has told me that he's learned things and isn't the same therapist he was when I started...we've been together almost 4 years, and just like I've changed in that time, he has too.

Therapy is super hard, and for me, it was all a huge surprise...I didn't have ANY idea what kinds of things it was going to bring up for me. I knew I would tell my story, but I didn't know what it was going to feel like, or that so many complicated feelings were going to come up about the process itself.

I used to tell T ALL THE TIME "I'm not the same person 'out there' that I am 'in here'". I had always managed to push everything away and function really well, and there I was with all of this childlike stuff coming up. It felt really uncomfortable and yucky, and it still does sometimes.

I guess I would say to hang in there....I think it's one of those things that gets worse before it gets better, but it does get better, and then it's really worth it.

[dismissed feelings]

Originally Posted by Chloe2

Possibly I resist caring from people, without realizing it which in turn results in them taking a step back and I believe that no matter who I was working with I would be dealing with the same obstacles. Its just Im really hurting right now and wish I was getting more emotionally from him to be able to move forward because its feels like I'm going through it alone. Why is he so stiff with me! Does anyone understand that feeling? Its holding me back but I would never be able to tell him how I feel, it feels too childish.

If you resist caring from people maybe your T is afraid he/she will patronize you or make you feel that way if they are too sentimental. I do not want someone who is rude and/or dismissive but I am uncomfortable with them being "sentimental" with me because it makes me feel silly and childlike and helpless, if that makes sense. So, is it possible you may be helping to maintain the distance from your T in some way and then afraid they do not care? Just a thought.