Do you guys find it almost impossible sometimes to apply therapy lessons to real life?

I am feeling SO SEPARATE from all of my friends right now. I feel lonely. I can't even find half of them. My brain immediately goes to "they're all together somewhere, no one wants me around, etc" and even though the LOGICAL part of my brain can see that doesn't make sense (we haven't had a fight, I know people liked me the last time I saw them), the emotional part of me is FREAKING out. I am so lonely.

There is an event tonight for my two youngest that I really don't want to go to but I am forcing myself so I can see some people and hopefully make this feeling go away.

My needy mom is about to drive me over the edge and I can't set boundaries.

I know these are all things I've learned or I'm learning with T, and I feel frustrated when I can't apply them in real life. And I go to therapy and there's so much CRAP from the past to work on that it almost feels like a waste of time to talk about stuff that's happening now.

I feel like I should be able to find my way out of this. I don't even know why I feel so lost and alone.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Treehouse, be gentle with yourself. Yes I also have a difficult time applying therapy lessons to real life as well. I don't know why I just do. Maybe I don't trust in myself as much as I should that I am capable to do it. But I am. Do you have these thoughts as well? I hope you do go to the event tonight. Maybe you could try calling one of your friends to get together for coffee? Or maybe send an email? Just some thoughts. (((hugs)))

Cats

[ECHOES]

(((tree))) I'm sorry you are feeling this way.
But you have many good insights! You know that you think others are off having a good time and purposely without you, but that this is something your mind does that isn't real.
You know also that if you can connect with others at the event for your sons, you will feel better, so you are pushing yourself toward doing that so you can feel better.

I think these are such important things to know about yourself! I think you are applying what you learn in thearpy. But so often that involves doing the opposite of what feels familiar. New paths are formidable until they are somewhat worn from use.

My guess is that the pre-therapy you would have withdrawn instead of pushing yourself toward what you think will help you feel better.

Maybe having both things happen at once (needing people and having your needs challenged by your mother's neediness, compounded by her illness) are creating chaos for you and it's hard to see that your needs are important, and come first. But they do. You have to be the best you to be the person you want to be for others.

I just sent an e-mail to a group of my mom friends to see if they want to come over for a weekly knitting circle during the summer (we did this last summer). I'm hoping reaching out will help.

We're going through a big transition as my oldest son, who has always been homeschooled, is starting (public) high school next year while 90% of his friends will still be homeschooled and together. I think that's playing into this a little bit - most of my friends are the moms of his friends. I am reaching out more to the moms of the friends of my two younger sons to see if that helps.

I don't know, just feels yucky.

[jexa]

You are awesome, tree! Way to reach out to your friends!

You are being super duper hard on yourself. Sometimes there aren't pretty solutions, in anyone's life (T too) and this sounds like one of those situations where the only thing is trying to breathe and practice self-care and watch how it all plays out.

I can't remember where you said this to me, but I remember in one of my posts you told me something like emotions are hard enough by themselves, and judging them just adds more yuck on TOP of that rather than making the emotion go away. It sounds like you feel overwhelmed and lonely but then judging that fact -- the fact that you have these feelings -- just adds more to the pile, not less.

Feeling overwhelmed doesn't mean you're not translating lessons from therapy into real life, you know.. you ARE translating those lessons -- you reached out here, you reached out to friends, you are looking at the possibilities for where the emotion originated, you are aware of how you are feeling.. you are doing good.

[googley]

((((((((((((Tree)))))))))))))

I totally understand the aspect of not feeling connected to your friends. I feel that too. It is hard to apply what we are learning in T into our real lives. It takes time and practice. I agree with Jexa that you are being too hard on yourself.

I am so glad that you are reaching out to your friends. I'll come to your knitting circle, but it has been a number of years since i have knitted. And all I could ever make was scarves.

Just because your son is going to public high school doesn't mean that you will lose all connection with the parent's of his friends. It just means that you will have to be more determined to get in contact with them. Also, he will probably still want to hang out with his old friends, so you will see them then.

I am glad you are going to your sons' activity tonight and able to see friends.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Good for you Tree, Way to reach out. I am proud of you.

[Hope-Full]

That has definitely got to be an anxiety producing situation - transitioning from home school to public school! No wonder things feel a little stressed!

Good for you for reaching out to your friends, I hope that the knitting circle comes together for not only your benefit, but also because it sounds like fun!

((((Tree))))

[granite1]

i can tell you that you arnt alone here i dont realy know how to not feel alone inRL sending hugs

[sunrise]

Hope the event with your sons goes well tonight and you get to see some of your friends.

[WePow]

Tree, therapy can help us see what needs to be fixed. And it can give us tools to help us fix those things. And it can teach us how to use those tools. But the act of using a tool the right way at the right time can be a challenge.

Going to therapy is a lot like going to an instructor to learn how to use self-defense. It can take hours and hours of practice and mastering a lot of different skills. But we may only need to apply what we learn ONCE when the need comes up. And at those times, we may freeze and forget all we know.

But that is ok. The more we practice and think about how to use the skills, the better we become at them. Just keep doing things in the NOW.

I REALLY appreciate everyone's replies. A lot to think about, and so much wisdom and caring, and it means a lot.

My sons event got rained out, so I ended up going to my women's 12 step meeting instead...which was still good because I got to connect with people. I have some kind of crazy ice pick headache and literally almost drove to the hospital, but I just knew I HAD to connect, no matter what. And I did, and I survived, and I'm home now with Aleve and an ice pack.

I've been trying to notice happy moments - moments that are genuinely happy, not things I'm TRYING to pick out (if that makes sense). It is a happy thing to find responses to my thread. It was happy to get a big hug from a friend tonight. Lightning outside makes me happy. I'm happy that I can rest with this ice pack because my younger boys are in bed.

The more I can notice the "happy" in the middle of the "sad" or the "pain" or the "scared" or the "lonely", the more I understand that both can be there at the same time and somehow it soothes me.

I you guys and I am so grateful to have you.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Well done Tree! Love you too!

[Sannah]

Maybe your awareness is increasing? Previously you were so busy just trying to survive that this kept you busy? Now you have more time and now you are noticing this void?

Good problem solving with this BTW!

[geez]

((Tree)) Great work and I too also have a hard time applying what I've learned in therapy to real life. Old habbits die hard.

[sittingatwatersedge]

((((((((((((((((((((((((( tree )))))))))))))))))))))))))

not much chance to be on PC this afternoon, but it sounds like you are on the upward path! great job! hope your headache goes away very soon, too