[Petra5ed]

My life is so pathetic that I feel obsessed with and addicted to my once weekly therapy, in which I can barely talk. And now I'm in love with my therapist who couldn't even care enough to show up to our sessions on time or file my insurance. I'm looking for suggestions on how to stop now. All I look forward to is another 50 minutes of "talk" a week, but what I need is someone real. Once again I feel not suicidal but like id literally rather be dead than alive. This is no way to live. In real life no one cares about me, what is there to continue on for? Trying to pay someone to love me just makes it worse.

[doyoutrustme]

I know that pain. It's the paradox of therapy. You have to accept that your therapist is there to guide you into making your life the life you want.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way Petra5ed. Wish I knew the answer.
You know, I was recently having similar thoughts. And seeing him once a week reminds me how I will never have anyone outside of therapy like that...it makes me feel so incredibly alone. It seems similar to the concept of feeling so alone but being surrounded by people...

In real life no one cares about me, what is there to continue on for?

The point of continuing, I guess, is to be able to take what you get from therapy and apply it to your life. The problem is, that it can seem impossible to do when you are feeling hopeless. Do you have clinical depression, btw?

Sorry I am being the opposite of uplifting, but I have been feeling the same way.

Huge hugs to you

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by skies_

Do you have clinical depression, btw?

I don't know, I was diagnosed with MDD but that was almost two years ago. Probably.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

I don't know, I was diagnosed with MDD but that was almost two years ago. Probably.

If your mood hasn't changed (and you would know if it has), then yes, you are still depressed.

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

My life is so pathetic that I feel obsessed with and addicted to my once weekly therapy, in which I can barely talk. And now I'm in love with my therapist who couldn't even care enough to show up to our sessions on time or file my insurance. I'm looking for suggestions on how to stop now. All I look forward to is another 50 minutes of "talk" a week, but what I need is someone real. Once again I feel not suicidal but like id literally rather be dead than alive. This is no way to live. In real life no one cares about me, what is there to continue on for? Trying to pay someone to love me just makes it worse.

Petra5ed, I might be all wrong on this but it is possible that this feeling of being pathetic and obsessed with therapy is closely connected to your painful experience seeing your therapist out to dinner with an attractive woman? As in, that experience dashed all hope you might have carried that he might be interested in you the same way and therefore continuing with therapy is silly, useless and somehow wrong and results in you wanting/needing to quit.

I truly understand your feeling that need "someone real" to interact with in your life, and sitting in an office, talking about your life with someone who will never be what you want him to be in real life is almost too painful to bare. But learning how to live your life is exactly what your therapist is doing . . . If he's a skilled and engaged professional that is, and only you would know that. Hopefully, he's teaching you the skills to solidly and happily "BE IN" a close and intimate relationship, and you'll find someone with the qualities you desire in real life. It is painful to realize that the one person you admire, respect and who listens to you with his whole being and responds to you with compassion and empathy, doesn't feel the same way as you do in regard to an intimate partner-like relationship. I hope you don't allow this realization to ruin therapy. Please go back and talk about how you feel. You can move past this and find what you're seeking!

[wotchermuggle]

The key is to find something that you like doing or that is meaningful for you. That will give you the purpose and reason to live.

Some people live for their families. Some for their careers.