It can't be all good?

I want to say how much I enjoy the post. Many times, I just read and read. I am trying to be more active. So thanks to all who post.

My question: Therapy can not always be a good feeling. There will be times I am sure when I get mad or angry or hurt at my T.
It does not mean they are doing anything intentional, but always best to ask what they meant by that. Clarification is vital.

So when does a T begin to upset the norm of things feeling good in a session? I get a lot of positive reinforcement from my T. but, I am only 9 sessions in.

When I am going to know he will challenge me? I know we all test our T's.

Don't worry it all comes with the territory. Your T will challenge you soon enough. As soon as your T thinks that you are ready you WILL be challenged.

But do I just try really hard not to mess up? In away I am trying to show I am a good client. But darn it, I don't know how long I can hang on to that!

No, just let it all hang out there! Your T is there to help you, not admire you.

Good one, I like that!!

Thanks, I'm glad you like it.

Your T may do nothing to upset the norm of feeling good. You may do it to yourself when you start sharing the hard material. My T really doesn't do anything to make me feel bad. I have no problem doing that on my own! It can be very painful to share hard stuff, and I will often feel sad or hurt but not in response to anything T said or did. I wonder if it will be that way for you? Are you holding back from talking about the difficult topics? When you feel comfortable enough with your T and safe, you will do it. Then the hard feelings come! Hopefully your T will continue to give you positive reinforcement through all of this. Sometimes when I have those painful sessions, I feel better--a little lighter, a load off my back. So the hard stuff can result in good feelings too.

Good luck!

I'm wondering since you pose the question when your T will challenge you, if you feel there is something he is supposed to challenge you on?

Therapy isn't about being a "good client". Though, I can appreciate the want to do that! Therapy is about being workable. You can put the tough stuff out there, show your flaws or "bad side", and continue to work towards your goal.

I wonder if being a "good client" has masked some of the things needing to be worked on? Which would in turn, limit the amount of appropriate feedback a therapist can give. If my clients came to me, and acted the part of having it all together, I'd be a bit baffled on what to offer.

Utilize your time with T to get what you need. The challenging will come.

Good luck.

Yes, because these are normal human emotions.
I urge you to talk about this worry with your T, including the feeling of dread that the good feelings won't last and the desire to try to be T's best client. It's something important to learn about you.

My T told me at one point "I won't always tell you what you want to hear." It was kind of scary to hear at first, but I realized it also meant that she was going to be real and she expected me to be real too. That includes the full range of my emotions and my honesty.

I had one therapist yrs ago, and it took one session to see it. I had Si and he got all pissed and told me it was inappropriate and just really hateful. he challenged me to ask why society didn't like that kind of behavior?

I left and never went back! I guess I think he is suppose to offend me. Maybe I should not compare him, or try my best not to, to other crappy T's out there that I have had.

I think my view has been skewed. My family member told me, when I posed this question to him. Maybe the T is different and will not challenge me.

I don't think I have held back. I have told him a few things about SI in the past few weeks. That I had thoughts and we just processed it. I have been tearful in front of him. And I had an panic attack in front of him.

I think I am working up and a poster said. I am also thinking the letter I wrote him, I am going to take it in and let him read it. That was he and I can address my feelings about the panic attack.

Some time ago I read a blog post by a T who said that there are 2 kinds of "good" people. There are those who are more or less "naturally good" because they have healthy self-esteem, genuine empathy for others, and they aren't particularly judgmental toward those who aren't as good. They are "good" because it's basically a part of who they are and it's not something they feel they have to work at in order to be liked or cared for. They are aware of their own "badness" but they are comfortable enough with themselves and others to realize that all people are both good and bad, so being "good" just comes naturally to them. They don't need to pay special attention to other people's boundaries because they realize all people make mistakes and if they inadvertently cross a boundary they can apologize and quickly move on because it doesn't destroy their beliefs about themselves.
Then there are the "good" people who are afraid to be bad. They try to be meticulous about other people's boundaries and they tend to judge those who aren't as "good" as they are. They can't get in touch with their own "badness" because those emotions in themselves and others are too frightening for them so they ward them off by actively striving to be as good as they possible can, so that they can avoid feelings and thoughts that are very distressing to them. They are the people who are afraid to really know themselves because they can't tolerate the thought of what they might find -- being "good" is what they hold onto because they don't have enough healthy self-esteem to be "bad" without letting it define them as people. If they inadvertently cross someone's boundary, they are very upset with themselves because they need to be good and they need to be seen as good. They work hard to hide their "badness" from both themselves and others.
I think he's right, because in reality people are both good and bad, hurtful and loving, strong and weak, capable and incapable. My own T always tells me that people who aren't afraid to know all parts of themselves -- both good and bad, hurtful and loving, strong and weak, capable and incapable, are those who can tolerate all those aspects in other people as well. They don't set up a false dichotomy between "good people" and "bad people" because all of us are both.

I had two T's leave me before I ever had a chance to start any kind of therapy. Both from in the same clinic. One T judged me because of the clothes I wore.
I guess, I am just gun-shy.

Or, perhaps your current T will challenge you in different, non-hurtful ways.

My T often challenges me on my thinking, but it's always been in a very kind, supportive way. She's never intentionally tried to push my buttons, make me angry, challenge me, or anything of the sort. In fact 99% of the time, if I'm upset about something that happened in therapy, it's due to my own reactions or perceptions or something I've shared. When I tell my T about being upset, we talk through it, and she just keeps accepting me. It helps a lot that my T is very perceptive and reads my tone of voice and body language exceptionally well, and knows when I'm upset even before I do!

I've had bad experiences with T's before, and I think that when you find the right one for you, then you just have to try to set aside those previous experiences and accept that this is an entirely different person, a different experience, and it will not be the same. I know, easier said than done...I'm struggling with it right now!

true!
I think I told my T a little about those others leaving... But maybe it's worth exploring it because for some reason I "think" he will do it too.
But, I know he won't. Just have that fear of abandonment.

I finally told my T about the issues I had with my previous T's and it did help...a ton! She knows what my fears are now, and she can help me work through them.

TinaL - Thank you for starting this thread I have found all of it very helpful to my situation. I am only about 9 sessions in with my T and though I have been called out on something I would consider minor, every week I go back I keep thinking "this will be the week she pushes on _____." She hasn't pushed yet and I find myself wondering every week if it is because she thinks I'm not ready or she is waiting for me to bring it up. I still find myself confused by the entire process. Sometimes I want to ask questions about HOW we are progressing and the logistics of therapy because it is still so new to me, but I feel that takes time away from my precious 50 minutes. I feel like I am floundering - but trusting that I'll figure it out.