[Protoform]

If that were to happen, will I just get referred from therapist to therapist to therapist to therapist until someone goes nuts at my lack of responsiveness to therapy and sends me to a mental hospital?

[swimmergirl]

Proto...........therapy is not for everyone. The two most important things to be successful in therapy are first, your commitment to work and do whatever is needed, no matter how painful, at your own pace(in time) to heal. The second and more important one is the bond, connection, relationship you have with your T. Just like there is a lid for every pot, there IS a T out there who will get you, help you, work with you, if you will allow that. It is hard and it is painful.........but hopefully in the end it is worth it. You are worth it. ((((((((huge hugs)))))))

[Oceanwave]

You could try and see a male therapist this time and see how that goes - if you think you still need therapy, that is.

Originally Posted by Protoform

If that were to happen, will I just get referred from therapist to therapist to therapist to therapist until someone goes nuts at my lack of responsiveness to therapy and sends me to a mental hospital?

Reality, in regard to today's world, Protoform, a person doesn't get sent "to a mental hospital" unless they are seriously suicidal. . . . and even then it isn't guarenteed! And I am not sayng that being put in the "mental hospital" is even helpful to people who are suicidal. Everything in US medical/mental health care is driven by the oh mighty dollar! Hospitalization is prohibitive when it comes to insurance/private pay. Emergency room docs and crisis workers are trained NOT to admit clients unless they pose a MAJOR risk for suicide or they are exhibiting florid psychosis. From what I've gathered about you, you are a person who loves to pose questions and be oppositional (and that's not a bad thing). You are argumentative but definitely NOT someone who seems to be exhibiting psychotic type behavior . . . although you might be clever enough to cloak that . . . Just kidding, Protoform!

Anyway, most private therapist who feels that someone isn't making the progress they need to make or they are beginning to feel frustrated or anxious about how the therapy is going or worried about boundary violations by the client, these therapists will refer the person to someone else--the reason people here talk about "being terminated" (sad but true).

BUT, the reality is many of us who are in therapy project or put on our therapists all our OWN misconceptions regarding relationships and we leave or run from the therapy setting before we can recognize our contribution to the rupture or even begin to deal with it (and that's if we have an intelligent and well trained therapist who recognizes these issues and is on top of them enough to bring them to our attention and insist that we deal with them in a caring and empathetic manner).

Why do I know that? LOL Because I'm one of those people who has run. I've done it numerous times. I've gotten angry or upset with something my therapist did or forgot to do and left. Have I been right? ::::sheepish response::::: Most times not! (and yes, I've had one therapist who was clueless and couldn't have found his therapeutic way our of a paper bag if he had wanted to, but he was just one out of four three therapists I tried) Has my other "good" therapists made mistakes in dealing with my issues? Absolutely!!!! But the reality is, I was the one who was too sensitive. ... too judgemental. . .. too exacting in my expectations in a relationship. Am I better? Okay, I'm being honest, just a teeny tiny bit better after five years of therapy, but I am better at relationships. I have to recognize that I am a person who has lived the "wrong way" or the dysfunctional way for so long that it is hard to change or see the reason to change who I am in any relationship. Does that belief hurt me? Definitely! Can I change it? Not easy and not quickly . .. and I'm OLD and realistic. I can only expect so much change from this older person. If I was twenty or thirty I would be more optomistic . . . at my age, just a little change will have to be okay.

I do hope that you find the right therapist, Protoform. I do believe it can happen. Just know that change isn't quick and it is definitely NOT magical or like taking a pill. It also isn't like a mechanical "switch" that is flipped and it changes how we think or feel. Boy, I'd like it to be that way. I'd like it to be like turning on a computer and putting in the data and getting the expected results. But it isn't that way. Human relationships are complicated and . .. darn it they are confusing. I know from your posts that you probably know this and I might be irratating you with the simplicity of my post, but the reality is, I am well educatated but when it comes to my own personal relationships, I am IGNORANT and CLUMSY. I wish it was different, but it isn't. Take care and I hope it works out for you.

[learning1]

Originally Posted by swimmergirl

Proto...........therapy is not for everyone. The two most important things to be successful in therapy are first, your commitment to work and do whatever is needed, no matter how painful, at your own pace(in time) to heal. The second and more important one is the bond, connection, relationship you have with your T. Just like there is a lid for every pot, there IS a T out there who will get you, help you, work with you, if you will allow that. It is hard and it is painful.........but hopefully in the end it is worth it. You are worth it. ((((((((huge hugs)))))))

I used to never understand what people meant about continuing with therapy in spite of it being difficult or painful. I guess I thought that meant just the kind of painfulness you see in movies- someone remembering a past trauma they had forgotten. Now I think it means pretty much anything that's upsetting or makes you feel stupid or, especially, anything that makes you feel embarrassed. Something like wanting more attention from your therapist than you can get. Or being embarrassed when you know your therapist sees unpleasant characteristics of yourself- being selfish, stupid, wrong, mean, unfair, etc. That's when you're supposed to keep going even though it's difficult.

[lastyearisblank]

Originally Posted by Jaybird57

Reality, in regard to today's world, Protoform, a person doesn't get sent "to a mental hospital" unless they are seriously suicidal. . . . and even then it isn't guarenteed! And I am not sayng that being put in the "mental hospital" is even helpful to people who are suicidal. Everything in US medical/mental health care is driven by the oh mighty dollar! Hospitalization is prohibitive when it comes to insurance/private pay. Emergency room docs and crisis workers are trained NOT to admit clients unless they pose a MAJOR risk for suicide or they are exhibiting florid psychosis. From what I've gathered about you, you are a person who loves to pose questions and be oppositional (and that's not a bad thing). You are argumentative but definitely NOT someone who seems to be exhibiting psychotic type behavior . . . although you might be clever enough to cloak that . . . Just kidding, Protoform!

Anyway, most private therapist who feels that someone isn't making the progress they need to make or they are beginning to feel frustrated or anxious about how the therapy is going or worried about boundary violations by the client, these therapists will refer the person to someone else--the reason people here talk about "being terminated" (sad but true).

BUT, the reality is many of us who are in therapy project or put on our therapists all our OWN misconceptions regarding relationships and we leave or run from the therapy setting before we can recognize our contribution to the rupture or even begin to deal with it (and that's if we have an intelligent and well trained therapist who recognizes these issues and is on top of them enough to bring them to our attention and insist that we deal with them in a caring and empathetic manner).

Why do I know that? LOL Because I'm one of those people who has run. I've done it numerous times. I've gotten angry or upset with something my therapist did or forgot to do and left. Have I been right? ::::sheepish response::::: Most times not! (and yes, I've had one therapist who was clueless and couldn't have found his therapeutic way our of a paper bag if he had wanted to, but he was just one out of four three therapists I tried) Has my other "good" therapists made mistakes in dealing with my issues? Absolutely!!!! But the reality is, I was the one who was too sensitive. ... too judgemental. . .. too exacting in my expectations in a relationship. Am I better? Okay, I'm being honest, just a teeny tiny bit better after five years of therapy, but I am better at relationships. I have to recognize that I am a person who has lived the "wrong way" or the dysfunctional way for so long that it is hard to change or see the reason to change who I am in any relationship. Does that belief hurt me? Definitely! Can I change it? Not easy and not quickly . .. and I'm OLD and realistic. I can only expect so much change from this older person. If I was twenty or thirty I would be more optomistic . . . at my age, just a little change will have to be okay.

I do hope that you find the right therapist, Protoform. I do believe it can happen. Just know that change isn't quick and it is definitely NOT magical or like taking a pill. It also isn't like a mechanical "switch" that is flipped and it changes how we think or feel. Boy, I'd like it to be that way. I'd like it to be like turning on a computer and putting in the data and getting the expected results. But it isn't that way. Human relationships are complicated and . .. darn it they are confusing. I know from your posts that you probably know this and I might be irratating you with the simplicity of my post, but the reality is, I am well educatated but when it comes to my own personal relationships, I am IGNORANT and CLUMSY. I wish it was different, but it isn't. Take care and I hope it works out for you.

I just wanted to say this is a lovely post. Whatever number of years it took to get that kind of insight, it was worth it. I personally think progress can be measured in more than one way.

[ECHOES]

You are so intelligent and motivated, that I can't imagine your scenario happening.
Yes, sometimes we do have to try this one, then that one, until we find a therapist we feel comfortable with. I think doing that is still working on feeling better because it also exposes us to the process and the process begins to feel familiar, something that I think is helpful.

I believe there is most definitely a therapist (many!) out there for you. A therapist who can help you learn about yourself and and who can offer therapy that can help you feel better.

I really admire your willingness to even think about this, about going forward and back on the path your originally chose!

Edited to add: Unless your insurance requires referrals, you can search and choose a therapist for yourself, and that might feel better to do that.
When I was searching for a therapist, I read about different therapies and different therapists on this site: www.guidetopsychology.com I liked the Q&A section there.
When I knew I wanted a psychonalytic therapist, I contacted the nearest pschoanalytic training institute and asked first if they offered therapy there (some do, they don't), and then asked for a referral to someone in my community. So my therapist was near achieving her certificate in psychoanalysis; she had been a therapist for over 20 years. She offers psychodynamic/psychoanalytic psychotherapy. She's great! I hope you find someone just like her

[WePow]

I agree, keep looking. There is a T who can help you. My T said he went to over 20 different Ts before he found his fit! Keep looking.