[PTSDlovemycats]

Ok I want or feel the strong need to discuss the victim and as my T calls it "Victim Sh--". My understanding is that if you have been the subject of a tauma eg. rape then you are a victim. That is what the police say right? Then there is the scenario where people say "they are acting like a victim" to someone that is just having a pity party. The question I have is let's aay you have been the victim of SA or something of the like and you have PTSD and are in therapy but have not completely processed your trauma yet are you then likely to revisit the state of being/feeling hopeless, worthless, empty, like a victim?? I also am aware that people don't like the term "victim" and prefer to use the word "survivor" which I can understand. Just wanting to know everyones thoughts, ideas, opinions, and questions on this. As you can see my T clearly hit a nerve with me.

Cats.

[sunrise]

My T kept telling me that things I had experienced were Abuse. I didn't like to hear that because when I hear "Abuse" I think that means the person who experienced it was a victim, and I am not a victim. I do not identify with "victim" at all! My T would not back down from using the word Abuse as he said he didn't want to minimize what I had gone through. So we had to work for a while on getting me to realize that just because I may have experienced Abuse, I am not a Victim. Those two words don't necessarily travel together. I was eventually able to recognize the Abuse in my past, but I have never used or thought the word Victim as describing myself. I don't use Survivor either. Instead, I think things like "I am strong."

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

My understanding is that you have been the subject of a tauma eg. rape then you are a victim.

If this is a stumbling block for you, perhaps you can work to change your understanding? It is strange the things we have to learn to do in therapy and the words that can hang us up.

You asked if when you do trauma work, you would revisit feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and emptiness. I don't know. Are you worried you will feel those things (again?) and not be able to handle it? Have you discussed your worries with your T? Often, people have to work on developing good coping skills in therapy, before they do the trauma work. Maybe you can ask T if she thinks you can handle the trauma work now, and if not, what you can work on to prepare.

Good luck!

[PTSDlovemycats]

Originally Posted by sunrise

You asked if when you do trauma work, you would revisit feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and emptiness. I don't know. Are you worried you will feel those things (again?) and not be able to handle it? Have you discussed your worries with your T? Often, people have to work on developing good coping skills in therapy, before they do the trauma work. Maybe you can ask T if she thinks you can handle the trauma work now, and if not, what you can work on to prepare.

Good luck!

I am not worried about feeling those things, I already am. . I text my T (not sure if you read my other thread) and she told me to stop the fu--ing victim sh-- because it is so not true....

I don't think I consider myself a victim still but yes I was the victim of a rape and I survived it.

I truly truly truly don't like to use the word "victim" to refer to myself. I don't really love "survivor" either...although I guess I'd prefer that.

I just want to be ME, not my crappy experiences. ME, now. That doesn't mean I don't have a lot to work through - I really do. But I just can't let it define me. I can't.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Originally Posted by treehouse

I truly truly truly don't like to use the word "victim" to refer to myself. I don't really love "survivor" either...although I guess I'd prefer that.

I just want to be ME, not my crappy experiences. ME, now. That doesn't mean I don't have a lot to work through - I really do. But I just can't let it define me. I can't.

Thanks Tree. So I guess I want to know is what exactly is a vicitm mentality then??

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

I am not worried about feeling those things, I already am. . I text my T (not sure if you read my other thread) and she told me to stop the fu--ing victim sh-- because it is so not true....

No I didn't see the thread. What does she mean by that? It sounds kind of hostile! Is she accusing you of acting victim-like (whatever that means)? Gosh, she just sounds so harsh!

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

I don't think I consider myself a victim still but yes I was the victim of a rape and I survived it.

I think this calls for compassion towards you. It sounds like she is saying, "hey, cats, get over your rape and stop playing the victim!" I hope I am wrong about that. What did you text her that resulted in her "fu--ing victim sh--" comment?

[PTSDlovemycats]

Originally Posted by sunrise

No I didn't see the thread. What does she mean by that? It sounds kind of hostile! Is she accusing you of acting victim-like (whatever that means)? Gosh, she just sounds so harsh!

I think this calls for compassion towards you. It sounds like she is saying, "hey, cats, get over your rape and stop playing the victim!" I hope I am wrong about that. What did you text her that resulted in her "fu--ing victim sh--" comment?

Thanks Sunrise. The whole thing is on my other thread "text my T how i feel" A lot of PC members thought she was pretty harsh and some thought abusive towards me. Give it a read. Let me know what you think either here on in the other thread.

[Elli-Beth]

I feel like the word victim fits me. I feel weak and scared and hurt. Maybe someday the word survivor will feel more appropriate, but this is still all so new and present and overwhelming.

Th words I hate when T uses them are rape and incest and abuse. I get mad at him or break down crying or go mute. He knows I can't deal with those words and he still says them... (Imagine a little pissed off icon face here!)

[PTSDlovemycats]

Originally Posted by Elli-Beth

I feel like the word victim fits me. I feel weak and scared and hurt. Maybe someday the word survivor will feel more appropriate, but this is still all so new and present and overwhelming.

Th words I hate when T uses them are rape and incest and abuse. I get mad at him or break down crying or go mute. He knows I can't deal with those words and he still says them... (Imagine a little pissed off icon face here!)

Oh Elli-Beth. Thank you for sharing. I really don't use the word rape either with my T. I will use it in text but I have a much harder time saying it in person.

[googley]

I fluctuate back and forth between the words 'victim' and 'survivor'. It really depends on the day and how I am feeling. When I am in T and totally overwhelmed by the feelings from being abused, I would probably tend more towards the word 'victim'. And not in a critical way, but just acknowledging that there were events in my life that have left a very big impact on my life, and I'm still dealing with them. However, when I am feeling strong and working and going to school, I would more likely associate with the word 'survivor'. So it really depends.

I think it can be detrimental to assign a term to an individual that they are not ready to accept. There was a long time after my attack that I hated the words 'victim' and 'survivor'. I hated the word 'survivor' more because I felt like it meant that I had to be totally over my experience, which I wasn't. But I didn't like the word 'victim' because I didn't want that to be my whole identity.

I think it can fluctuate back and forth for people.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Thanks Googley, I can relate to that as well.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

Thanks Sunrise. The whole thing is on my other thread "text my T how i feel" A lot of PC members thought she was pretty harsh and some thought abusive towards me. Give it a read. Let me know what you think either here on in the other thread.

PTSD, I read the first post in your other thread about the text exchange between you and your pdoc. Here are my thoughts:

1) text is an inappropriate method of communicating something of this magnitude and complexity. Your pdoc should know better. That she allows this and encourages it from you by her long (and insulting) replies makes me question her competence.

2) any report of "hearing voices" made to one's psychiatrist should be treated with the utmost seriousness. That is a symptom of psychosis. Your pdoc is being very dismissive of a very serious symptom! She did not even address the question of medication in her text reply to you. If a client reports "hearing voices", the client should be scheduled for a face to face appointment with the pdoc right away. There are many medications available for these hallucinatory symptoms.

3) a lot of what you texted to your pdoc would be good stuff to work on with a therapist. Do you have a therapist? Some pdocs believe they can provide both therapy and medication management, but yours doesn't seem good at either. I think you should get a therapist and seek a new pdoc for help with your symptoms.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Thanks Sunrise. -sigh- My Pdoc is my T. The voices aren't new to her. She has had me on risperidone before but that was when she thought they were from psychosis. Now she thinks they are stemming from my trauma and wants me to develop better coping tools and not be reliant on meds...

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

Thanks Sunrise. -sigh- My Pdoc is my T.

I think you should get separate providers. Doesn't sound like it's working. I think it is fine to work on coping skills, but there are just too many red flags with this arrangement and provider.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Thanks, I have been with her for over 8yrs now. I went through 3 terrible Pdocs before I found her...

[lastyearisblank]

Originally Posted by sunrise

I think you should get separate providers.

Sound advice! Separate sources of help for the same problem can cause bigger issues but sometimes it can be an advantage too. Though, I really do like that this pdoc does therapy as well and you've got quite a special relationship with her PTSD, so.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

Though, I really do like that this pdoc does therapy as well and you've got quite a special relationship with her PTSD, so.

That's the thing. We do have aspecial relationship and she does mostly therapy. She actually hates prescribing meds to anyone unless it is absolutely necceassary...

[mixedup_emotions]

((( Cats )))

I see in these latest threads that you spend time sharing what your T says - getting feedback from others that trigger you to feel defensive and protective of your relationship with your T.

The important things are what the words mean to you and what they mean to your T. Asking your T directly is the only way you will get an accurate response.

But I understand your desire to get some other perspectives here, and I can appreciate that. I shudder at the word "victim" when it's used as a form of labeling. Now, 'victim mentality', to me, describes a personality - neediness, feeling less than, etc.

I wonder how your T would respond if you DEMAND that she not speak to you that way - and if you share how you feel about her responses in a strong and confident way.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Thanks MUE, as always you are full of wisdom.

[Brightheart]

In the past you were hurt, and the painful emotions around those scars may keep you feeling powerless now. There are certain words that set me off, as well. Maybe it's not a good idea to think of your responses/behaviors/feelings in such a way that has you judging yourself. I think the key to moving forward may be fully acknowledging what happened in your past while finding new methods of coping, behaving, and feeling during times of vulnerability in the present. So when you feel yourself sinking, there are steps you can take to practice self-care. I think we all have moments of feeling frightened and overwhelmed even as adults. It's okay to accept our vulnerabilities as human beings. It's okay to accept comfort from others. But know that you can comfort and care for yourself, too. In time, I hope you will learn to be compassionate, kind, and patient with all parts of yourself....the vulnerable parts...and the needy parts. I don't see it as victim #%&*...I see it as being human and processing your emotions along the journey. Take care.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Thank you so much Brightheart.

I'm sorry that your therapist's comment was so triggering for you, PTSD. I think some people view the term "victim" in exactly the terms you mentioned--hopelessness, devastated, traumatized, needy, looking for a pity party, the dreaded word "manipulative" etc. Personally, I don't view a victim in those terms. I guess I see it like the police do, a victim is someone who was the target of a criminal act. It's how the person processes or fails to process her victimization that seems to demonstrate whether or not she is able to move on or she gets stuck in the trauma drama.

Some people don't need any help following a traumatic episode; perhaps they were born very resiliant or maybe they have a LOT of IRL support to assist them in moving through the processing of the episode(s). It's people like myself (and perhaps you), who doesn't have the resiliancy and/or IRL supports that caused me to get stuck in the past. In my case, I didn't develop the coping skills to deal with intense emotions when I was very young and consequently, when I experienced years of abuse from ages 7 to 12, I had no idea how to handle the aftermath of overwhelming emotions. In a sense, I just stopped growing emotionally. I'm also pretty sure that there was a genetic/biological component to my vulnerablity and difficulty with intense mood swings. My trauma was not the sole reason for my life difficulties! In any case, I fell back on unreliable, childish defenses. When I was a child, these things worked for me; they protected me from the devastation that threatened to destroy me. . . but they only worked for a while.

As an adult, those defenses weren't reasonable or workable. I couldn't relate to other adults in the way I needed to--I could function in a job, but I couldn't develop intimate and lasting relationships with other adults. I could have a circle of friends and/or acquaintances, but the deep, abiding relationships that other adults had weren't possible for me. I needed someone to guide me through the process and help me build new defenses and coping methods. I needed someone to help me grow up in all areas of my life and become a fully functioning adult. I didn't happen, however, with my therapist telling me to stop "doing that stuff". It came through her modeling how to work through problems, helping me process the fear and self-hatred and developing new coping skills. I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that I still fall back on old, familiar behaviors every once in a while.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Jaybird57, thank you so much for sharing our experience with me here. I really appreciate it. You are right having someone tell me to "stop" something isn't going to help me develop new coping skills. Again thanks so much for your long, well thought out reply!!

[PTSDlovemycats]

So what exactly is the "victim mentality"? Does anyone here know? Is it just feeling sorry for yourself or what?

[PTSDlovemycats]

I am wondering if tomorrow I should ask my Pdoc to define "Victim Sh--"...I mean I can't really stop it if I don't know what it is right?