[learning1]

I told t about a friend of mine who found out she has a serious illness recently. I think a lot of therapists would just empathize and be supportive. He asked me why I didn't tell her I'm sad and pushed me to tell her that. It's probably good advice, so I don't mind, especially in this situation. It's just that with practically anything I talk about he's not unlikely to come back with pointed questions or advice like that.

Would you guys feel like your t was telling you you were doing something wrong if they did that? Does your t do that much?

I suppose I wanted a t who does that some. But it's hard to imagine feeling okay to chat openly with him like I would with a friend knowing that he does that. Maybe you're just not supposed to be that comfortable in therapy?

[BlessedRhiannon]

I would feel like the T was criticizing me, but that's due my family history, and I struggle with viewing all pointed questions and advice as criticisms. It's not something I would feel comfortable with, and I'm glad I found a T that doesn't do that.

I think it depends on what kind of therapy you want, and what you need in a T. I need a T that I do not feel is judging me, and that I feel accepts me as who I am, regardless of what I tell her. I found that in my T, and when I'm not panicking, I do feel able to openly share with her, without fear of criticisms.

I think you need to ask yourself what you really need in a T. If this T is not what you really need, maybe you can find one that is. Or, perhaps you can talk to your T about how his comments make you feel, and see if you can work through it.

[Nightlight]

I think of my T as often asking questions along those lines.

I don't think there's any right answer to that particular question but I would imagine it would be beneficial to you to discuss with your T the way it made you feel.

From what you've said it doesn't feel to me like any judgement was passed. At least when my T asks something like this I think she is just asking me... to find the answer inside myself as to why I did or did not do something.

Often it's something I haven't stopped to question for a second and if my T hadn't stopped to question me on it I would not have realised why I have done (or not done) something.

With her help and through questions like this I sometimes gain more insight as to why I might have avoided doing something in particular (like telling a friend that I'm sad to hear that they are unwell and that I care).

I'm also not saying that's what you should do myself, but that maybe all your T meant was to see if there was any reason you had decided not to say something to your friend and whether that was the right choice for you.

My t is always quite straightforward with me and challenges my thinking and habits. Personally, I like that. I don't think of it as criticism (because that's not what he is doing at all). He is trying to get me to get out of my old, ineffective patterns of thinking and behavior. If all he did was sympathize with me, I wouldn't be making any progress. I think of it as direction or challenge rather than criticism.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by learning1

I told t about a friend of mine who found out she has a serious illness recently. I think a lot of therapists would just empathize and be supportive. He asked me why I didn't tell her I'm sad and pushed me to tell her that. It's probably good advice, so I don't mind, especially in this situation. It's just that with practically anything I talk about he's not unlikely to come back with pointed questions or advice like that.

Would you guys feel like your t was telling you you were doing something wrong if they did that? Does your t do that much?

I suppose I wanted a t who does that some. But it's hard to imagine feeling okay to chat openly with him like I would with a friend knowing that he does that. Maybe you're just not supposed to be that comfortable in therapy?

my therapist always wants to know how Im feeling, and when Im not saying how Im feeling she asks why Im not talking about my feelings.

thats what mental health therapy is all about. its a place and person you can go to and talk about your problems/ things you have to encounter and deal with in your life. By talking about problems / life situations and feelings you can put those things into perspective and solve the problems, fell better, feel less like you are bottling up things inside..

its like theres physical therapy for the physical health stuff and working out those problems like muscles, bones, and then there mental health therapy for working out how you feel and what you think about, how you think about things, and how you behave, how to keep on track and in the positive with handling mental disorders and sometimes learn better ways to interact with others,

mental health providers are supposed to ask feelings kinds of questions. thats how I know when I have a great therapist. one who doesnt care to do their job right and one who doesnt care about whats best for the client wont ask the client about their feelings.

[learning1]

Thanks for posting amandalouis. Well, he didn't really ask me what my feelings are, he just asked if I'm sad (kind of an obvious feeling if someone is seriously ill, especially since I told him I was crying about it), I nodded, and then he pushed me to tell her so. Expressing my feelings more is probably what I need to work on.

I guess what I'm curious about is whether people like pointed questions and advice? Asking what my feelings are about something probably wouldn't usually seem like a pointed question. "Why didn't you tell her that?" seems pointed to me.