Dear T...

>> I can't shake the feeling that you can see right through me

Yes, and he sees the light shining from within.

Dear T,
Today is my last session with you for two weeks because you are going on vacation. I feel that I will be okay while you are away and will not struggle as much as I have in previous years. Thank you for asking me if it would be okay for you to send a card to me each week while you are away.
I am happy that you will have some time for yourself and although I will miss you, I truly feel that you deserve a vacation. You are a wonderful person and fantastic therapist and I am grateful to have you in my life.

Dear T,

I LOVE you!!!!!

Dear T

Strange that I'd been thinking about this 'language of love' thing, and then I bought a magazine which had an article about it. Yours, I've realised, is gift giving. Spending ages finding the perfect present and buying it with no thought to the cost. Mine is 'acts of service', in the sense of spending hours making something perfect. I think the reason I value the 'advent calendars' you make me when you go away so much is because they speak my love language- hours spent by you with sparkly pens and glue sticks and sequins. No money, no shortcuts. But I'm learning to value your language too. I grew up with plenty of 'things', but not with what I needed, so it's easy for me to be dismissive of 'stuff'. Your presents are different, because they tell me that I am fully known by you. And the stories behind them point to the thought and care and how much you hold me in mind. I love you. I hope it's sunny there. I'm ok here.

Dear T,

I wish I didn't have to wait until tomorrow for an email from you. I know you'll be proud of me for telling someone in RL about my session! I'm a little bit hyper or something, like not wanting to "let go" of yesterday, wanting more. Wanting to keep it going. I know this mood isn't the best for me; it's like spinning my wheels or obsessing even though it's about something positive, not negative. I've got to get busy and start cooking for all my family coming tomorrow! It's just hard to not want to redo the session in my mind or want more. I told you I don't like when it's 8 days in between but I'm glad it's only 6 the next week! I don't know. The connection feels good and that's why i want more of the same. I'm not going to email you a 3rd time since the other emails were all positive. I just have to "jump off" the same way I "jumped in". I'm so weird. Even though you're not getting this email, it's helping me by my imagining I'm really writing to you. I can use words when I want to, and I want to write you forever and ever and I'm afraid I'll never get it out of my system. Now people on PC know how weird I am. (I WOULD actually send her an email like this but I'm not going to).

You're not weird Rainbow.... you're just thankful! (((((rainbow)))))

dear t -- you hurt me and now i dont think i can even find my voice to tell you.....when i say "i dont know" it really means "i cant talk about this"....you keep changing my day and time even when we schedule out weeks in advance (which i know is stupid but it makes me insecure), and now im so insecure i cant even tell you these things.

Dear T,
We've been through one hell of a long road together. I love you. I love to hate you. My life will never be the same since meeting you and that is a good thing.
Sorry for being two handfuls most of the time but you'll be the better person in the end from putting up with me.
Truly your favorite,
Crazy

Dear T

i have been thinking about things this week in a calmer frame of mind and i hope i have the courage to talk to you about the stuff i want to talk to you about on Monday.i wish you knew how to help me with this.

granite

I don't want this thread to disappear!!

Dear T,

I miss you! I am anxious about bringing my H with me next week. I know I asked you to email me only if it wasn't all right with you. He wants to call me stupid all the time. I don't want to get into this stuff. It's going to be worse than the words! Well, it IS about words, at least some of it. Oh, yuk. I wonder how you're going to act with him. Maybe you don't want to see us after all. I'm getting depressed about it.

dear t......thank you

dear T

had a realy bad day at work and feel i just cant cope with life .im scared. if i cant deal with work what am i gonna do

granite

Dear T,
Thanks so much for being you. I'm so grateful I found you and I appreciate that you let me leave lots of messages for you and let me write long letters to you while I'm on vacation that I mail by snail mail. I see your wisdom of not using emails and I cherish the slow awkward handwriting in my communication with you while we wait for our next face to face session.
You haven't given up on me even though I have given up on myself so often during my time with you. I love the support and encouragement you give me. I will forever be in your debt.

With total and unswerving gratitude - your client of 7 months, Skysblue.

Dear T,
I want to express how awesome you are but when I begin to open my mouth, I find that language is too inadequate to even slightly describe all that you are. Despite my overwhelming cynicism and agnosticism, you have restored my faith in humanity and have made me feel blessed to have met you.
Love your favorite,
Crazy

Dear T,
I miss you.
Googley

Dear T,

What did I do to earn your "unconditional acceptance"? How can you stand to be around me when I take out all of my frustration on you? How can you forgive me when I can't even begin to forgive myself?

-whoswho

Dear T,

Sometimes you suck.

-Wikid

Dear T,

Thank you for knowing just what to say to start shifting things back towards the light. I am SO lucky to have you.

help me grow up, please!
and thanks for believing that I can, that I can make it, that I can be a good mom, even though I don't believe it.......

Dear T

One more day then you're back. I'm not sure how I feel about that. That old ambivalence is creeping back. I know that some of it is really fear of being close to you, knowing that in four short weeks you'll be gone again, this time for eighTEEN days intead of eight. Ugh. And the rest of it? Not being sure if I want to- if I can- go back to the intensity of it all. Not that it's not intense when you're away. I still think about you all. the. time. Two bad days- the ones when everywhere I look, I see you mothering her. And on those days I use mindfulness again and again, and throw myself into my life with my friends, but still there is you mothering her, and not me. Never me. And on those days, the loss of my partner is a lump in my throat. And the combined losses are a bag of rocks I must carry each day on my back. In the morning, I will pick up the burden of loss and run with it. Run 10km through the streets of London. The same race I ran last year with my partner cheering from the sideline. Tomorrow, I will run it alone. She is gone and she is never coming back. And you, you are gone, and you will be back, and then you will be gone, and then?

I'm here, T. So very tired. But still breathing. Still pedalling. Still running. Will it be enough?

LMAO if only you could actually send that eh?

Dear T,

I am totally exhausted! It was a major distraction having my family here! My house looks like a tornado struck it and I'm too tired to do much cleaning up yet.

I haven't heard from you so I assume it's all right that my H comes with me on Tuesday. I feel like I want you to do a good job so he will like you. It's like "showing you off". I've been too busy to think much about it but the issues are all there. Yuk!

Dear T,
I have mailed you many long long letters this past two weeks while I've been gone. I'm sure you're sick of all the drivel that I've inflicted on you. I did mail a check so that your time reading the pages and pages would not feel completely like I imposed upon you.
I am touched that you left me a voicemail telling me how honored you were to get my letters. I am stunned. Why would you feel that? But anyways, thanks for reading them and thanks for letting me have the fun of putting an actual written letter into a mailbox and having the challenge of looking for stamps to mail them.
The messages that you have left for me have been so helpful and encouraging. I listen to them again and again when my spirits are down and my hope begins to wane. Although I had cancelled our next appointment for when I return because I feel like I'm an imposter with no real therapeutic problems, you let me know that you are still saving my slot for me in case I change my mind. Again, I'm stunned that you'd do that for me.
I guess if you're willing to do that for me, the least I can do is un-cancel my appointment.
The gratitude I feel in my heart is so overflowing I can barely manage it. Thanks so much.... Your problematic client, Skysblue

Dear T,

I know you want to help and I know that behind your tough love is deep sincerity and warmth.

I'm scared of it ... because if I acknowledge and allow myself to feel your empathy and compassion, you win and I've lost control.

I'm angry at it ... because I know your heart-felt strategies are designed to manipulate me and my behaviors.

I'm confused by it ... because I want more of it, hate it when I get it and am overwhelmed by it.

I need it ... to be a part of me, to live and breathe within my soul so that I can show it to others.

I saw it ... and I looked away to allow you a second to wipe the tear from your face before it rolled down your cheek.

It ... is foreign to me, inconceivable, elusive, desirable; it is a craving.

It ... is nothing more than simple feelings.

So T, please help me find it, allow it, be okay with it, embrace it, live it ... make it okay for me to feel.

dear T,

i just wish i could e-mail some or write and you read it i mean isnt it better than nothing???/