Dear T...

Dear T,

You didn't email back after I wrote my suggestions/concerns that my H is coming with me today. I know you didn't because you sent me my one email already. I'm kind of glad you're sticking with your rule.

I know you see couples but I hope you know what you're doing. You know I trust you but you're not all that experienced. I would never tell you that to your face because you've been amazing with me. I want my H to like you and not think my therapy is a waste of money.

I told him to please not take pictures of everything in your office without asking you first! It's like I have to watch him like a child but I shouldn't have to be responsible for his actions or words.

He doesn't even seem anxious about the session. I may bring up embarrassing issues (to him, not to me since you know them already). I hope we don't get sidetracked talking about our kids for the whole session.

I still don't feel well. Got to make a drs. appointment.
See you soon!!

rainbow8

Dear T,

When our sessions began I avoided learning your name. I didn't want to connect or become attached. I wanted to view you only as a practitioner... my behavioral mechanic, if you will.

After six months of sessions (including one week of googling you) I do know your name, but I find myself accidentally calling you by the name of another... a T I had 10 years ago. I'm still reluctant to connect to you, but the memory of my old T drives me so crazy that it has me (almost) ready to do anything to move on.

I don't know if I can move on. I don't know if I can connect, because I don't know if I can be honest... with either you or myself. I want a free mind and spirit but I'm afraid that making myself vulnerable will leave me completely disconnected from reality. How do I find balance between freedom and the ground?

I'm scared. I'm scared of myself and I'm scared of you and I'm afraid there is no hope for me.

I want to drink. Instead, I practice patience and faith... even though I rarely feel either.

-CoY

P.S. I like that you're short.

thank you for hearing my pain yesterday, for being touched, for calling me later to check on me. I know you care and I appreciate that. I just don't know if it is enough to help me.......please don't feel like you failed if I fail to keep trying......

Please don't forget about me

eta: I actually e-mailed this to T today, but I still feel it so strongly. I figure one "please don't forget about me" e-mail a day is enough.

Blah. Therapy.

dear T,

I cancelled last week at last minute, and you generously gave me credit for doing so because I wanted more time to work on this assignment.
I don't think you know how hard it is for me.
It is too late to cancel tomorrow's session, but I have plans to talk about several things, all of them OTHER THAN THAT.
it's what I can do, for now. and I will be bringing the large tote bag.
SAWE
PS - And BTW, how would you feel if I showed up in a burqa one of these days? any color preference?

LOVE, Love this response. It echoes within me like you wouldn't believe. And thanks for the little giggle it gave me!

Dear T,
I wish I was not so afraid of you and pdoc. I feel that you are going to hurt me by telling the adoption social worker that I would not be a good mom. I hope I can work this out. I hope that I can trust you and pdoc and that the 2 of you are not shaking your heads behind my back.

(((Lacey)))

Dear T,
?????????????????????????????????????????

Dear T,
You rock but you already know that!

Dear T,

You asked me how I was coping and I am sorry I couldn't say out loud what we both knew anyway. Please next time push me a little, I do need to talk about it.

Dear T,

I wish you COULD rescue me!

dear T,

don't take this personally but I wish I was "done".
See you at 6.
SAWE

Dear T

Go away.

Cats.

Dear T,

Do you analyze and interpret everything I do in session?

Moving the Kleenex box
Commenting on the rug
"Did you always have leather sofas?"
Exchanging the gawdy, ruffled pillow so the smooth one is in front
My attire, make up, shoes, hair ... Jesus, it drives me crazy wondering WTF you think!

dear t, just please be gentle i do not want to fall apart in your office again. once was bad enough. however, i do appreciate how you handled it, letting me cry then you talked. it was a shocker for me? did you even have a clue what was coming? if you did and didn't tell me that would be mean of you!!! please don't let my legs give out walking all the way in there either, thanks.
ps im still feeling safe looking at the pix.... weird, huh!

Dear T,

Thank you for your patience.

Again.

SAWE

Dear T,
I am really going to miss you when I move, but I trust everything with be okay. I am glad we'll be able to continue with phone sessions. I couldn't live my life now without your support. I see you so often that I feel I should be able to take a share in your practice. I am at the least paying for your education and soon enough your retirement.
Love,
Crazy

Dear T,

I just read your email and I don't think I should write again, so I'm doing the next best thing, writing on my "psych forum" to you! Yes, I'm a little surprised you asked me to print out my email so we can talk about it. I'm a little scared! I asked what I got out of therapy and about my H saying it's just so I "feel good" with another T. What if he's right? I know part of me thinks that IS what I want from therapy. I want to hold your hand forever, and I so badly want to be holding your hand RIGHT now. I haven't for a few weeks so it's not like I can't live without it, but there's something I get from holding your hand that I can't get anywhere else right now.

I think I'm progressing because I KNOW I have to get my needs met mostly out of the therapy room. I'm trying, really I am but it's SO hard for me. I keep busy and you know I have friends and my family to help with that.

I think my H will agree to more than the once/month you suggested. I am glad I brought him and that he was williing to be there. I'm sure you have a better picture of my situation now.

Oh, no. Everyone sees the kind of emails I send you now. I get so carried away and can never stop typing!

Dear T.
I am so fortunate that the timing was right for you to pick me up as a patient after my previous T was suddenly gone. I miss getting hugs from my old T sometimes, but you have shown me how you can wrap me up in a wonderful hug by using your words.

Dear T, I know I've said it and thought it so many times but again I want you to know how much I appreciate all you do for me. I'm ashamed of any suspicious thoughts I may have had but I know you would easily forgive me. You make me feel safe during session even when I come in feeling vulnerable and unsafe. How do you do that? You're like a magician. There is something so magical in that room and I know I will need to visit it regularly for many more months. You are my life saver and I will never be able to repay you for that.
Much love and regard, Skysblue

Dear T,

I really, really wish you could make the pain go away. I've called and e-mailed just to vent, but it still hurts, a lot. I am so, so, so sad.

I hope someday I internalize the way you treat me so I'll stop picking people who are mean to me. I hate my stupid childhood. I hate it, hate it, hate it. It feels like the ripples from it will never. ever. end.

Dear T,
I know when I first started seeing you, I said that I DO NOT like to be touched by others. But, I trust you now, and I think I want some kind of physical contact...a touch on the hand, your hand on my shoulder, or, even...a hug . I don't know if you would, though, and I don't know how to ask for it. I've never asked for physical contact...I usually try to avoid it. I'm kind of afraid of the fact that I want physical contact.

Dear T,

Well the big event came, and about that task you gave me, I did it - kinda, sorta. And before I left they asked if i would sign up for next year.
SAWE
PS- and YES I do think that certain people can look right down inside of me and see damage. I don't have a stone face, ya know.

Dear T, I'm trying to cope well with your extended vacation... and so far so good... but I just began to stress out and went to look at your FB page (even though it's private) for some sort of small comfort... which sure, is slightly disturbing... but not quite as disturbing as the fact that you've changed your photo to some sea creature!!! What is this noise???? I don't ask for much, T, just one really small and blurry photo in which you're barely distinguishable... but a sea creature?! Really?! Low, T. That was low.
In other news, I have a wicked farmer's tan. <3CoY

dear T will you ever know how bad things are inside me.how out of control i feel.just how rotten it all is inside me