Dear T...

Dear T,

I think I may be starting to believe that I don't have to be perfect and that I will still be acceptable. Did you EVER think you'd hear that come from my mouth? =-)

Dear T,

So much forward movement last session. Since then a good bit of calm, much to my surprise

very little new to tell you about

so.... maybe I should just skip coming next Wed PM. What do you say?

SAWE

Dear T,
I don't want to leave you.

Dear t,

I just canceled my appt. Don't bother ringing either because I won't answer the phone.

F

Flooded!! I order you to go to your appointment!!

I canceled. Over it.

Dear T,
Last session was SO HARD and yet I remember you saying again and again, that you understood how much pain those things could cause me.... about this calm feeling.... it's unfamiliar and scary if I look at it (and not just feel it); can it possibly mean that healing is going on?

Dear T,

This is hard. I might come back later and delete this. But I have to get this out.

I am so afraid. I am afraid of you. I want so much for you to approve of me; I want you to like me. I don't know why that is so important to me. But it is.

The possibility of feeling all the ick that I've stuffed deep down for ...years... is so scary. You have no idea how afraid I am.

I haven't cried...I can't remember the last time I cried. I think I would like to cry. I think I need to. I'm scared...what will you do if I cry? Will you think less of me?

Please don't move your hands around so much when you talk. I need to tell you this. It scares me.

Please don't talk to me about working and college and all of that. I can't talk about that right now. I'm not ready.

Please don't hurt me.

please go slow today

I'm so angry that I've tried to reschedule my appointment 3 times over the past week and you keep saying you will get back to me, but you haven't. It makes me feel like you don't want me to come. It makes me feel like you are too busy for me. I know neither of these things is true, but to keep from being hurt anymore, I just said I wasn't coming in this week. I want to see you, I know I'm pushing you away, but knowing that doesn't make it feel any better.

Come back. I need you.

What am I going to do when you go away for 4 weeks? What am I going to do if you do give up on me or get sick of me?

Dear T,

You told me it was only a couple of hours away! Why did you lie to me? I knew it was much farther and looked it up. It's 4 1/2 hours from here! I guess you were trying to make me feel better, but you always tell me how honest you are with me, so I don't appreciate that "white lie".

Dear T,

WHAT.THE.HECK.

You decided NOT to take the vacation? You told me you would be gone for 3 weeks. I waited 3 weeks. It was so hard to wait. Today the break is (finally) over. I casually ask you how your vacation went. You answer that you didn't go on vacation. That you'll be gone in October instead.

WHY didn't you call and tell me this 3 weeks ago???

And you know what? When you came out to the waiting room to get me, you really didn't seem very happy to see me. I don't know if you're aware of what you did, but I saw you sigh.

I really, really, really want to trust you.

But you are making this very difficult.

What is wrong with me?

Dear new T: You have your work cut out for you.

(((((((((((((((((((((((( fourredheads )))))))))))))))))))))))))

Omigosh. i am so sorry!!!!!

Dear ****,

Wow...never have I felt so self-conscious, yet connected to you as I did yesterday. Shoot.....

Dear T,

I know I have to accept my feelings but yesterday was too much for me. I could concentrate on ME during the session but all I can think about now is YOU. If you were a man I'd say I was definitely in love with you. But then I'd be told how it's transference and that it's normal.

I think I have to treat my feelings the same way. I'm totally feeling "in love" with you right now. It doesn't matter that you're a woman. It could be the baby feelings for you but I'm an adult so it manifests itself this way. I wouldn't want to do anything "wrong" with you, just be there with you, sitting next to you, or better yet, you're holding me.

Please help me with these feelings!!!

Dear pdoc,

Prepare for I am gracing you with my presence tomorrow. You NEED this friendly warning.

F

Thank you, sawe.

For what it's worth...I could have written this myself

Dear T

Today when I asked you what you'd wish for when you blew out your candles, you said for everyone you love to be happy and healthy. And then you wrote 'This includes you, Improving'. And you know what? I already knew that it did. And if you hadn't said it, I wouldn't have been left wondering or longing to hear it. I just knew. The knowing has taken root quietly, almost without me noticing, and it is so firm that there is no room for doubt. Happy birthday, my T

Is this the first edition of "Dear T I need to tell you something but I don't know how" ?

I think its a different thread with a different intent.