[Dani]

Honestly, I'm dreading going to therapy now and I don't know why. Last week all I could think about was the clock and time seemed to move so slow and I just wanted to get out of T's office. I'm not looking forward to going to therapy anymore and I feel bad. Ever since my sui attempt therapy just seems awkward but I'm not sure exactly why.

[dismantle.repair]

You spoke to your T about the sui attempt?

[Dani]

Yeah we talked about it the Tuesday after it happened.

[mixedup_emotions]

Perhaps it would be worthwhile to bring up this feeling in therapy, so you can work on discovering the root of it and then ultimately work through it.

dani, i know that feeling of not wanting to go to t. but please go and talk, talk and talk somemore. go to the big office. your t will help

sending lots of safe hugs

[WePow]

((((((Dani)))))))

You are processing a lot right now. SU attempts can be a trauma in addition to the other things life has tossed our way. So your body may still be in shock and trying to recover. The body doesn't know that it was you that tried to harm it. It only knows that there was serious danger - so it responds just the same way that it would if someone else tried to harm you.

Take it slow right now and just focus on what you NEED.

[Dani]

You all made some great points, I should go and talk to her about this. If I don't then it's just going to get worse and I'll be miserable in therapy and it would be hard to make any more progress. The problem is I don't know what to say. I don't want her to think that I don't like her but I just don't know how to move forward from here.

I had the strangest dream last night that my T was at my house and we were just hanging out and part of me knew that it was wrong and that she couldn't be my T and also be my friend. And I remember saying to myself in the dream that I knew she could no longer be my T, and afterwards I called the mental health center and cancelled all my appts with her and asked to see a different T. It was just so weird.

[Dani]

Went to therapy today, kept everything I wanted to say and what I was thinking inside, and it sucked. I don't want to go back.

[WePow]

(((((Dani))))) I am sorry you are having a hard time sharing your pair with T. It hurts to carry such a heavy load alone.

[rainbow8]

Dani, I'm sorry you couldn't talk to your T at your session. Can you write or email her what you wanted to say? It doesn't seem like a good time to quit therapy, especially since your sui attempt. I wish you peace.

Ahh Sweetie, p l e a s e keep reaching out. it can be sooo hard when we have so much too say and think that no one understands or even wants to hear about it. it is so not true.

keep sharing here!
i will answer back

sending lots and lots of safe hugs

[Dani]

Originally Posted by WePow

(((((Dani))))) I am sorry you are having a hard time sharing your pair with T. It hurts to carry such a heavy load alone.

Thank you. I wish I could just open up to my T about everything that's going on.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Dani, I'm sorry you couldn't talk to your T at your session. Can you write or email her what you wanted to say? It doesn't seem like a good time to quit therapy, especially since your sui attempt. I wish you peace.

My T doesn't do email, but I've considered just writing what I'm feeling and printing it out to share with her on Tuesday.

Originally Posted by jbmomg

Ahh Sweetie, p l e a s e keep reaching out. it can be sooo hard when we have so much too say and think that no one understands or even wants to hear about it. it is so not true.

keep sharing here!
i will answer back

sending lots and lots of safe hugs

Thanks, it is hard because a lot of time I go into my therapy session wanting to talk about something, but not doing it because I feel like it doesn't really matter.

what you need to say matters. really it does. i used to think the same thing. your t wants to hear it. you gotta take the next step and say it. baby steps is what i think of a lot. sometimes i just say "okay!, here goes" and out of my mouth it tumbles. sometimes wishing i could put some of it back but at the same time so glad it is not all mine anymore. hang in there

sending safe hugs

[dizgirl2011]

Hey Dani,

i'm sorry you're feeling so low and that therapy feels bad right now. I hope you can write down your feelings and share it with her on Tuesday...if in doubt keep reminding yourself how keeping it all inside isnt working for you and it's worth taking the risk.