Persist?

Hiya,

I am just wondering if I should persist in seeking out psychotherapy, or if it is just not for me.

I have just finished up a 2.5 year stint with a psychotherapist which was not successful. I went into it with a very positive outlook. She tried very hard, but after not having any improvement whatsoever the therapist has given up on me. I knew it was coming though.. I have become very disillusioned about psychotherapy and I could tell she was getting sick of me for the last 6 or so months, so I was prepared. I don't mind though, I gave it a go and it didn't work. It happens.

The reason I went to psychotherapy is because I have had severe depression (that comes with the joys of severe anhedonia) for 19 years, which has not improved with medication - I have been on all the medications on the market here in Australia, and combinations thereof, with no effect at all. So I thought I would try psychotherapy.. sort of to treat the cause, not the symptoms, if you will.

The main issue we had in our sessions was that I could not answer any of the questions that came up, and as you know the therapist is not allowed to answer any of the questions. Like for example, she gave the impression that she thought I did not trust her, so I asked her "how do you know if you trust someone?" and she would respond "How do YOU think you would know if you trusted someone?". That is just an example but you could substitute any question in there, and the answer is always "How do YOU think you would (x,y,z)?". And because I did not know the answer, she would go silent, and then the subject would change and nothing ever got resolved, basically.

So I'm just wondering, do you think that it is worth me continuing psychotherapy with a different therapist? I have gotten the impression that psychotherapy requires you to already know (perhaps subconsciously) the answers to your own questions, otherwise it will not work. And since I do not know any of these answers, then there is not much point me going, because the therapist isn't allowed to answer them. It made me really, really angry coming up against this time and time again, because the reason I am asking is because I DO NOT KNOW the answers, lol.

I had asked these questions on another forum and got a lot of responses saying "She is a bad therapist, find another one" or "Maybe you two just don't connect", but I sort of disagree with these statements. She was quite professional, was always on time, never rude, etc. I think I would have the same problem with any therapist, they are all the same to me, lol, so I doubt it was a trust thing. I told her my issues, therefore I trust her. So I am sort of of the opinion that maybe its the actual therapy that is the problem (ie. does not work for me), rather than the therapist themself.

So yeah.. What do you guys think?

Unfortunately, and I'm sure your already know, this is such a difficult question for someone else to answer. I think the fact that you're asking the question may mean that you may already know the answer, and I'll guess that you may just need/want validation. I could be totally of base of course too!!

So my untrained reaction is that you try another therapist. Like ice cream there are all kinds of flavors, but you probably have your favorite(s)!! It doesn't mean the other flavors are bad (how could ice cream be bad??) it's just a matter of knowing what you like.

My last therapist was good, but just not right for me, and we both knew it. The one I have now has been great, way beyond what I would ever have imagined, and I have seen huge improvements in my life.

Best of Luck!

Personally, I struggled to find a T who I could work with. My current T does truly seem to be a good fit for me, though. She doesn't turn my questions back around to me. She gives me feedback when I need it. We debate the issues we disagree on. She's been patient and supportive while watching me become increasingly resistant in session... and I think all of those factors have created an atmosphere which a) I haven't experienced before, and b) is helping me figure out the answers that I don't necessarily know. I understand not knowing the answers... and now I'm understanding how to find them or make em up as I go. I wish that finding a good therapist was like finding a good mechanic... but in my experience it's not. I find it impossible to judge a T solely on professionalism, punctuality, demeanor and fee scale, even though that's exactly how I would rate people in other professions. I have had Ts in the past who were polite, on time and clearly good at their jobs.... but by the end of the relationship it was clear that it wasn't working. I've also felt like therapy wasn't a good fit for me but with my current T, I have hope again. So... yeah, it's possible that you'll never like therapy or get much out of it. But if you choose to continue to try, I hope that you find someone who is not simply good at their job, but who also helps you create an atmosphere in session that inspires and fulfills you. My heart goes out to you and I wish you peace.

Thanks for the replies guys - woah they were fast too!

I'm just wondering though, can psychotherapy treat severe anhedonia? It's like everything I try requires you to enjoy x, y, z, however I do not have the capacity to do this. Is this a big part of psychotherapy? Enjoyment? (not in the sessions, I mean discussing it and doing it out of session). The last therapist kept telling me to do something I enjoy even though she was well aware of the fact that i am severely anhedonic.

I'm just asking because I only get 10 free sessions this year so I do not want to waste them on something that I do not have the capacity to do.

ty guys

Hmmm I just tried to reply to this but it did not appear so I'll do it again just in case the internet ate it.

No, me asking the question means that I do not know the answer and I am seeking assistance from someone who might know, to impart some wisdom.

Maybe when my next lot of free sessions comes up next year I will give someone else a go. Another thing that ruined my last stint was the severe anhedonia I experience. A lot of it required me to "enjoy" x, y, z, however she did not seem to be able to comprehend the fact that that I do not have the capacity to do this. Is enjoyment an important concept of psychotherapy, or was it just particular to my experience? I just want to know so that i don't waste my free sessions on something that I do not have the capacity to participate in.

Thanks for the responses