[rainbow8]

FourRedheads: Can you contact your T about it?

[FourRedheads]

Thanks rainbow.

I see T on Thursday. I'm going to try really hard to bring this up with her. I think I need to. I don't want to feel this way.

[cin1]

Originally Posted by FourRedheads

I'm going to ramble here because I need to get this out. I'm sure this won't make any sense.

Had that scary, scary feeling again last night. Have felt it only a few times before. I was by myself, watching TV, and suddenly nothing felt real. I don't know how to describe it. It was very scary. The only way I know how to describe the feeling is like I was under a big balloon that was inflating and I couldn't get to the top and breathe. Like I was suffocating. I didn't feel like I was myself. It lasted for probably less than 5 minutes.

Today my feelings were hurt. A friend's husband told me to "be quiet and not so loud." I guess I wasn't supposed to talk right then or about that subject. I feel silenced. All my life I have felt silenced.

How dare he. HOW DARE HE.

I think I'm coming apart. It's all fragile. The pieces are coming apart and I don't know how to put them back together.

sometimes feeling like i can't breathe is anxiety. glad it didn't last too long for you. you and i have as much right to voice our opinions and feelings as any one else. i am trying to listen more and not just fill space with words. some people are uncomfortable with silence. even after i was grown, my dad would correct me in front of others if i seemed to excited. it was humiliating. i thought i was fragile in so many ways, i guess i am in some ways still, but not as fragile as i thought i was. i have not broke yet. hope you know you are stronger than you feel.

[nicoleb2]

Feeling numb today. I guess not feeling at all would be a more accurate description. Life is not real when I am like this. I don't know what to do. I don't want to resort to cutting again just to feel something, but what else is there?

[SilentLucidity]

Intense feelings of frustration, exhaustion, sadness, and fear today. I am ready to sleep and let my brain rest.

Got some shocking news today. I was expecting it to come, but when it actually does, you lose your grip for a moment. I am trying to deal with it and not let this get me down. I wrote my therapist all about it. She has been very good to respond to me and help me get through it.

Other than that, I have had a good day. My granddaughter is here for the weekend. She always brings sunshine into my home! Even though she talks non-stop, sings, makes noises, and runs around like the energizer bunny, I still enjoy having her here.

[delicatefade26]

Doing okay today...woke up and my back is hurting and I just don't feel like I have a lot of energy...I'm going to spend my labor day working on schoolwork and maybe some cleaning & organizing-I'm trying not to think about the email that I send T and what his response will be...which I probably won't get til tomorrow...so I'm just going to let it gooooo!!

[confuseduk]

I don't think I can take any more life can throw at me

[FourRedheads]

Today is my birthday. 37....!

I've been feeling panicky today but I'm dealing with it.

Tonight I am having carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and taco pizza. Mmmm!

I'm pretty sure my folks bought me a Kindle. I am really really really excited about that. I can't believe they did that. I've been watching the "good books" thread with interest. Will have to buy a couple for the Kindle!

Went to WalMart this morning by myself. Decided to treat myself by buying a couple of bras. That felt good. LOL

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by confuseduk

I don't think I can take any more life can throw at me

It feels that way, I know, but you'd be surprised how strong you really are. Hang in there...

[FourRedheads]

(((confuseduk)))

[confuseduk]

Originally Posted by skysblue

It feels that way, I know, but you'd be surprised how strong you really are. Hang in there...

Thanks sky I really don't feel it. Sent T an e-mail but it was blank because I just have no words, she hasn't replied and probably won't either. Hope you're ok

[confuseduk]

Originally Posted by FourRedheads

(((confuseduk)))

thanks FourRedheads

[cin1]

Originally Posted by FourRedheads

Today is my birthday. 37....!

I've been feeling panicky today but I'm dealing with it.

Tonight I am having carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and taco pizza. Mmmm!

I'm pretty sure my folks bought me a Kindle. I am really really really excited about that. I can't believe they did that. I've been watching the "good books" thread with interest. Will have to buy a couple for the Kindle!

Went to WalMart this morning by myself. Decided to treat myself by buying a couple of bras. That felt good. LOL

Happy , Happy Birthday..... ummmm and Many more..

[cin1]

Originally Posted by confuseduk

Thanks sky I really don't feel it. Sent T an e-mail but it was blank because I just have no words, she hasn't replied and probably won't either. Hope you're ok

when t receives a blank e-mail , she could think a number of things. if there are no words, then why not put that on the e-mail - I have no words..". just a suggestion.

[rainbow8]

I'm tired! I went somewhere early this morning but didn't do much the rest of the day. I am starting to try to file all the mail that has piled up for months, actually years, here. I'm throwing out the outside envelopes and the ones they put inside since we do a lot online now. It's tedious but at least I started it.

Now that my session is tomorrow I'm trying to talk myself out of the feelings I've had all week. Think I'll start a thread on that.

desperate and sad missing my T so much.

[popeye]

I am sober but not pain free....hypomanic earlier...took 4mg klonopin and a 5mg Xyprexa. Had a fight with the wife....goin to bed early.

[kaliope]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOUR REDHEADS!!!!!

Today, I lost the fight with my vacuum and spilled its contents all over my carpet. I am afraid of vacuums because they always blow up on me so i rarely vacuum. This will only be the forth time since I have moved in. Then i went into a panic seeing the stains on the carpet near the entry way and other high traffic areas. The worn carpet where my feet rest under the chair i always sit in. Generally the carpet looks ok, but these areas were standing out like black on white, making my head spin and my stomach queeze with nausea imagining the carpet needing to be replaced and not recieving my deposit back upon vacating the premises. It is awful and I am overwhelmed. Catastrophizing.

[nicoleb2]

Having a bad day. My almost 9 year old daughter is totally out of control. We went to the store to look at clothes for school and it was awful. She wouldn't stop touching everything (and I do mean everything) in the store. She wouldn't leave her brother alone, was yelling at me, just being terrible.

I don't know what to do with her anymore. She has ADHD and she is using it as an excuse for her own bad choices... I'm just at a loss..

My husband and i don't agree on anything about the issue

I want to cut, so badly right now. I just want to go away.

[cin1]

Originally Posted by nicoleb2

Having a bad day. My almost 9 year old daughter is totally out of control. We went to the store to look at clothes for school and it was awful. She wouldn't stop touching everything (and I do mean everything) in the store. She wouldn't leave her brother alone, was yelling at me, just being terrible.

I don't know what to do with her anymore. She has ADHD and she is using it as an excuse for her own bad choices... I'm just at a loss..

My husband and i don't agree on anything about the issue

I want to cut, so badly right now. I just want to go away.

i have been trying to post to you all day. hope by now things are better. i never raised a child. i do know we all need our mom's. if you can't be here for yourself, be here for your children, and those who love you and need you.

[FourRedheads]

(((Nicoleb2)))

I can hear the pain in your post. I'm sorry.

I have a 9 year old daughter too. Sometimes (often!) it's rough. I get a lot of sass from her. Actually, she's being really sassy tonight so I took away playing with the neighbor friend. She's not very happy with me. Being Mom is sometimes the hardest thing in the world.

I guess what I"m trying to say is I hope it gets better for you soon. I'm glad you are here. I'm glad you are posting. I read your posts every day and you're often in my thoughts.

[skysblue]

Whole weekend paying attention like the mindfulness training is suggesting. I see it has made a big difference in how to handle my moods. AND, my H who is a master chef and baker, made some yummy zucchini muffins.

[SilentLucidity]

I should have been more productive today, but spending the day doing only what I wanted (mostly on my couch) was pretty nice. Big day with T tomorrow, just trying to keep it together.

[Hope-Full]

Feeling like crap, worried about school starting tomorrow, missing my T, desperate to talk to her, can't wait for her to be back from traveling, wanting my brain to stop stressing about everything already because it's severely stressing me.