[nicoleb2]

I just started taking nortriptyline with viibryd. Hoping for no serotonin syndrome, or exhaustion and suicidal thoughts like when i was on doxepin

[Oceanwave]

Originally Posted by WePow

Just sending a note to all through this post. Don't feel like making my own. Had session today. It was a strong session... very deep. I was crying even before I got into session thanks to some work junk and other stuff all being together at once.

Hate making such a mess of myself in session, but I am an open book with my T.
I am still not in a good place... but I am ok with that. Going to see T made me able to get through the evening without any of my addiction behaviors.

Just exhausted and I still have five days of work infront of me. Then one day off and four work days. Then two days off and five work days. Sorry, my mind being ticked still at this cycle of things. Wish I had the courage to change what I despise. But that is why I am in therapy - har har har.

(((((WePow)))))

I'm sorry your work is still such a problem. I hope you can have some rest and switch out of it from time to time. I wish you could find a better place to work. Keep talking about it with your T and others. Keeping work stress inside can be so damaging.

Sending you hugs

[pachyderm]

Down cycle at the moment. I hate those.

[FourRedheads]

((((everyone)))))

[PleaseHelp]

(((everyone)))

I feel as if all I do is complain and that I really have no right to. Others have it much worse than me. I need to except that and be happy with what I have. I'll try to be more positive.

[kaliope]

Originally Posted by PleaseHelp

(((everyone)))

I feel as if all I do is complain and that I really have no right to. Others have it much worse than me. I need to except that and be happy with what I have. I'll try to be more positive.

please help, this thread is about being able to express what is really going on with you. dont try to candy coat anything. we all know that life is difficult and challenging. we want you to be able to talk about it here. we are here to support you.

OMG! after finally giving up and cussing so much on this thread and the what i would like to tell my T thread, my pdoc finally called me this morning and talked to me for a whole half hour. i spent the whole time thinking how i couldnt believe he is sitting here doing therapy on the phone with me. T wont even do that. He even said since he opened it up by doing therapy with me he owed it to me to call me. apologized for taking so long to call me back. Didnt tell me the story of the anxiety monster like i had wanted. only that you feed the monster to quiet it, desensitize it. he says i have been doing way too much on my homework and that i have to back off. then he gave me more homework, to create an anxiety list, ten things from easiest to hardest that i have to work on to conquer my anxiety. he really encouraged me for doing so well in challenging my anxiety despite the fact that i have wiped myself out in the process. it was a really positive phone call especially coming an hour and a half before i normally wake up in the morning. which is good because i am booked solid today and never would have been able to talk to him had he called later in the day. he was going to email my T, who feels he has no business doing what he is doing, pdoc made a comment about "too many cooks in the kitchen" and hopefully he will agree with what i am doing. i wish they could get along. T isnt doing anything, hasnt done anything aggressive to address my anxiety so i dont see what the big deal is. im just happy pdoc called me back and we communicated so well on this anxiety issue. now lets hope we can handle the med change issue so easily when i see him next.

hope everybody is doing as well as they can be!

[OneRedRose]

felt really depressed today, and started to drift into my dark thoughts, and then i done the very cliche woman thing and went shopping lol!!, I got myself two jackets one that my mums cousin bought me as a thank you for this week, and one I saw myself, and then got my hair cut Cant wait to see my therapist on tuesday when shes back, I have so much I want to work through with her, and im happy that I got a new outfit and hair cut, starting to think she probably thought i was a tramp hahah, i dont get much money so new clothes are few and far between, also my biggest phobia is of wasps, thats originally why I was attending therapy, so i met my mums cousin in an ice cream parlour and their was a wasp in their and I was proper freaking out and ended up order and devouring my ice cream in 9 minutes lol! and then ran out, this might not sound like an acomplishment but before i would have just screamed at the sight and legged it leaving whoever i was with far behind, and while i did rush around i still stuck around! so well chuffed at that

[SoupDragon]

Wish T would just come out and say it rather than making me work hard to discover it. Feel really distant from T today, have e-mailed and asked for a break, can't face another session right now.

[Rose76]

My Sig. Other's declining health is worrying me more and more. I have to get employed and have a good prospect for that. He is getting to where it worries me for him to be alone. Today when I had paperwork to get in for a new job, I had to skip it and be at the hospital with him. We live separately. Turned out he had been sick for days, but hadn't let me know. We talk every few hours every day, and spend weekends together. He says he doesn't want to worry me. So he let's a problem get big, until he can't hide it.

I worry that one day I will go to his place and find him on the floor.

[WePow]

Sending big hugs to everyone. Sorry I have been trapped in my own personal land of fire the past few weeks. Today was major bad. For the first time ever, T sent 3 emails back to me asking for a safety check reply each time. I was honest with him about things. I had massive trigger last night ontop of already being very stressed about my job. I keep trying very hard but it gets more and more difficult every single day to just be there. My T offered to see me tonight even - but I had to go to my hair apt. Things are so rough that I don't even have the energy or urge to act out on my addictions!

[beautifultea]

((Rose76)) I hope he gets better soon or at least wises up and lets you know how he's feeling when he's down.

[Rose76]

beautifultea, thank you. Years ago, he overcame an alcoholic lifestyle and won back my friendship, even though I had left him. So, now, we are devoted friends. We are both far from any family. At times, it is a challenge for me to blend support for him and care for myself. His children call him, but they don't call me. It seems I am more alone than is fair. I loved an alcoholic and the consequences have been ......a lot.

[FourRedheads]

It is becoming very difficult to post. I can't find the words. Still here and reading threads.

I hurt so badly...I can't explain it
There seems to be no comfort
I can't find a safe place to fall.

Found out my spouse read my emails/notes I have written to my therapist. He promised he would never do that. Now he is furious (to say the least) at what I wrote. He wants a divorce.

What is up with that? I cannot get help with the things that I need to get help with if I am not brutally honest with my therapist. I write her all the things that I know I need to work on or change.

I will be taking alot of Ambien and Ativan this weekend just to get through this. I don't know what his next move with be.

[karebear1]

(((((Squiggles)))))

I'm sorry your husband invaded your privacy like that. That was wrong of him to do. You most definetly have a right and need to be brutally honest with your therapist- and your husband should be able to understand that. While you do love him, taking care of him is a huge responsibility and is reasonably burdensome. He has to know that, but to read it probably came as a shock.

Would he allow you to discuss your feelings at all with him or was he simply unable to open himself up for that??

[WePow]

(((Squiggle)))) oh no! Stay safe. That was WRONG of your H to do that!

[Rose76]

The tinnitus seems worse. The noise in my left ear is louder. I am very concerned that I feel stressed by this and that it won't simmer down. I feel very low this morning.

[elliemay]

It's raining. I'm listless and tired. I designated today to be goal free. Might have been a mistake.

[cin1]

Originally Posted by Rose76

The tinnitus seems worse. The noise in my left ear is louder. I am very concerned that I feel stressed by this and that it won't simmer down. I feel very low this morning.

i had tick, tick , tick like a clock sound in my ear. i asked my doc. about it and he said it was tinnitus. it really bothered me, and the more i "listened to it" the worse it seemed. over time, it eased up, and i had other problems that were pressing in. now, i have like a high pitched constant noise in my ear. if i bend down for any reason, it becomes louder. so i do understand. i hope something nice will happen today in your life, to lift your spirits.. "I was down, but I got up"

[PleaseHelp]

(((everyone)))

We picked the girls up a bit early and went to a parade with my bro-in-law, his gf, and her kids. Then took the kids to the park, while the bros played frolf. My knee is now telling me that I pushed it too much this morning. Well I can't just sit around doing nothing, I need to do stuff with my family. I felt bad about calling my boss on a weekend but did. Needed to see if I could come in late on Monday. So far, day is going pretty good.

[kaliope]

fourredheads, calistasorry you both are hurting so bad. i wish i could say something to ease your pain. just keep coming back and sharing to get support with your burdens.

squiggle, it is awful that your husband has violated and betrayed you in such a way. although it may be difficult for him to accept, he is a sacrifice and burden to care for no matter how much you may love him, especially when it takes so much energy to care for yourself. it is absolutely necessary for you to be able to vent if you want to maintain your sanity so i pray you are not feeling guilty for anything your husband may have read. you have a right to your feelings.

i am working at taking it easy with myself. in working to address my anxiety i caused too much leaving me a basket case, so now i am giving myself a break. its hard because i wanted to hurry up and get better. i guess it doesnt work that way. pdoc told me to make a list of ten things that cause anxiety from least to most and we would work on those things. so today i was ready to go out there and conquer number 9 on the list just to get it over with. but then i realized that is why i am a basket case because i have been taking too much on. it doesnt make sense to me. i can handle the activities pretty much, but overall i feel wiped out, dpressed, withdrawn, crying, no energy, just like life is falling apart. i would think i would have panic attacks, generalized reactions to the anxiety, not this overall impact on my life. guess that is something to talk to T about tuesday.

wishing everbody well and sending lots of hugs.

[cin1]

why , why why me? why was i the one destined to be crazy???? ( at times i hate illness , i hate how mixed up i can become. i hate how others ignore me because they brush me off as "the crazy one."

(((everybody)))

Another day in bed, followed by an evening watching TV at mums. I actually forgot to fill in my eyebrows before going out today - but I actually finally figured it's not a big deal, and wasn't even self conscious about it, which surprised me - this may seem crazy but I've been obsessively plucking, grooming, and filling in my eyebrows every single day without fail for the last 12 years... so to have broke that cycle.. I'm quite proud, as silly as that sounds.

13 days left of going it alone. Going to try and make them positive days...

[cin1]

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

(((everybody)))

Another day in bed, followed by an evening watching TV at mums. I actually forgot to fill in my eyebrows before going out today - but I actually finally figured it's not a big deal, and wasn't even self conscious about it, which surprised me - this may seem crazy but I've been obsessively plucking, grooming, and filling in my eyebrows every single day without fail for the last 12 years... so to have broke that cycle.. I'm quite proud, as silly as that sounds.

13 days left of going it alone. Going to try and make them positive days...

i had alot of eyebrows a long time ago. as i got older they became fewer and fewer. now i need to pencil some in. i try to have my face fixed before i leave the house. i fix it as best as i can.