[delicatefade26]

I have felt slightly off all day...my stomach has been hurting too-I think I'm just beyond exhausted...and with so many new things going on in my life it's stressful and anxiety producing...and it doesn't help that I had a rough session with T this week where I got super angry...but tonight I emailed my T a lil prayer request...and it made me feel better-I really hope I can see him again next week...but I haven't heard back yet...I think I need to just go with the flow more..and accept that this is the way he operates in the world-and the benefit of him being in my life is more than the cost of that : )

[kaliope]

Originally Posted by cin1

i am sorry about the stress you are having. i know what it is to cry at just any thing, and not know why i was crying. (anti-depressants took care of that.) your thought of taping your self together just struck a piece of my heart. just want you to know that.

thanks cin1

feeling better today than yesterday as two of my clients came in reporting much success with whatever i suggested they do last week so that made me feel good. very angry with pdoc today though. i am just so emotionally exhausted it has made me physically exhausted i just so desperately want down time and there isnt opportunity for any for i dont know how long. i already made a commitment for this weekend, the next weekend i have to do all my laundry and pack for my trip to my daughter's which will be two to three weeks of non-down time because she is having my first grandbaby. i will be driving her around (she doesnt drive) in a state i dont know(i am a nervous driver). i am used to doing absolutely nothing. hibernating in my apartment. near agorophobia. right now, pdoc has me doing something every day to get out. something simple, but it is really taking its toll on me. it seems so silly to me that it is exhausting me so, but it really is wiping me out. i am such a wimp.

[nicoleb2]

Saw my pdoc today. He wants me to start nortriptyline for sleep, but from what i have read, it has a high risk of causing serotonin syndrome when taken with viibryd, so I'm not sure i should take it, although I survived when I was taking doxepin for two weeks (got severely suicidal, but survived)
Now I don't know what to do.

So far this week, I missed two T appointments due to my not feeling well. This will be the 4th night with little to no sleep. I take Klonopin, atenolol, flexeril, and Lunesta but it hasn't done anything. It should knock a hourse out.....anyway...I hope to see T Friday. Still dealing with serious lack of money and family stress. same old, same old....

Today was okay until I went to my session. I hated it. Now I feel terrible!

[Rose76]

I was really happy today. I actually was. I have 2 job prospects. I am just as unemployed as I was two weeks ago, but it didn't bother me today. I just felt good and decided to go with it. Put the worry on hold and said "savor every moment of this while it lasts."

[SilentLucidity]

Had my group thing today. It is nice to be in a room with people who feel the same way I do and I don't have to explain myself or feel bad about how I feel. I also had a for real laugh today. Probably the biggest laugh I've had in a while and that was really nice. Made me realize just how unhappy I have been for months.

To everyone who is struggling, be gentle with yourself - sending you all however big a ray of sunshine you need this day.

[beautifultea]

Yesterday I had my pdoc meeting and after talking about it on this forum I felt strong enough to voice my questions about why he was doing med changes and what I thought needed changed. I was able to speak up in the silences more and actually saw my pdoc's sense of humor for the first time so I feel really positive about the situation for the first time since I started working with him.

Today I'm feeling tired as I keep waking up at 3 a.m. and have my first therapy appointment in weeks later on. I have visions of going in and quitting though I don't understand why as I was getting on well with him before we both had to cancel weeks. I think I'm avoiding wanting to get back into it all as I slipped back into unemotionalness.

I'm thankful that I found PC and reached out to people.

[cin1]

Originally Posted by kaliope

thanks cin1

feeling better today than yesterday as two of my clients came in reporting much success with whatever i suggested they do last week so that made me feel good. very angry with pdoc today though. i am just so emotionally exhausted it has made me physically exhausted i just so desperately want down time and there isnt opportunity for any for i dont know how long. i already made a commitment for this weekend, the next weekend i have to do all my laundry and pack for my trip to my daughter's which will be two to three weeks of non-down time because she is having my first grandbaby. i will be driving her around (she doesnt drive) in a state i dont know(i am a nervous driver). i am used to doing absolutely nothing. hibernating in my apartment. near agorophobia. right now, pdoc has me doing something every day to get out. something simple, but it is really taking its toll on me. it seems so silly to me that it is exhausting me so, but it really is wiping me out. i am such a wimp.

i don't think you are a wimp. wimpy for me is being unable to load a 50 pound bag of charcoal in to my truck. i have to work it in, which ever way i can.

[PleaseHelp]

Since my knee started bothering me (about 3 weeks ago). I've been trying to go out once a week to play bingo at a bar with some friends. I keep my leg elevated and everything. Only every time I go out, I come home with my knee being worse. So I wont be going out for awhile. Which is kind of a downer, but I can't stand the pain. My knee keeps feeling worse instead of better. UGH

I'm going to try to work on the jean quilt for our bed. Hoping I can do somethings this weekend since the girls will be with us.

(((Everyone)))

[Rose76]

I think I will get a job I went for today. Part time, but that's best for now. Interview was non-threatening, not the head games that some employer's play. (Like: "If you could be an animal, what would you be?" or, "Tell me about a situation where you felt you didn't handle things well.")

Still, this awful pall of paranoia hangs over me. As pleasant as I am treated at interviews, I wonder how much do they really care about the people that they hire; do they even care at all? Or, even if they do treat help well, will I be worthy of being thought well of? I call it trauma from repeated assault to the psych. No one devastating thing happened. More like an athlete who gets minor concussion after minor concussion. Or even just head blow after head blow. No one blow would cause lasting harm in and of itself. But after a long enough series of hits, you find yourself one day with signs of brain damage .....what do they call it ... punch drunk. Can it be reversed sometimes?

[nicoleb2]

Tired again and still trying to decide if I should take my new med or not. Scared of potential drug interactions, especially since the last med left me feeling exhausted and suicidal

[OneRedRose]

am really happy with today my college course involves me learning A level trigonometry, and I failed GCSE maths horribly, infact the idea of maths has sent me in a spin before in classes even resulting in my cussing out the teacher and storming out, but surprisingly so far I find A level maths really fun and easy, the sense of accomplishment after completing my worksheet it also helps that my maths teacher this year is really good!, I asked him for help at one point and he started talking all this jargon so i explained how low my maths skill was so he simpliefied it for me, and I got it! no other math teacher has ever taken that time with me during lesson

ive had abit of a bad moment, and also seem to be stuck in what i call a hunger cycle, i feel so hungry but i cannot fill up, ive drunk loads of water, stuffed myself with fruit and even ceral its annoying, think ill just go to bed and sleep through it.

I stayed up til 11.30am, then slept all day. Drove to the supermarket and back (bought only healthy food!) but now I can feel adrenaline surging through my body - the anxiety, I assume, though I don't actually feel anxious. Maybe because I've not done much driving since the crash? Maybe because I haven't eaten in a while and my limbs feel kinda light and weird? Don't know... I had better plans for today but my sleep pattern threw the whole thing off. Feeling more positive though.

[WePow]

Went to work. Survived. Ate dinner. Came home.

[kaliope]

I am just "shoulding" all over myself. I shouldnt be this tired. I shouldnt be this emotional. I shouldnt be so exhausted. I shouldnt be this keyed up. I cant even relax to smoke a cigarette, thats when I seem to notice how stressed I am. When I am trying to relax and enjoy it and find myself rushing through it and all tense.

I slept straight through to when my alarm when off this morning. I laid there through the snooze cycle running through my head what I had to do to get ready. Get out of bed, take my meds, brush my teeth, get dressed, cut my wrist, curl my hair....oops, which one of these things doesnt belong here?

i hope everybody is doing the best that they can be

[PleaseHelp]

(((kaliope)))

[FourRedheads]

Had a small panic attack in therapy today.

[cin1]

Originally Posted by laceylu

I am tired but still need to figure out my new mp3 player. T wants me to learn guided imagery to sleep. A therapist named belleruth naparastek has a web site with downloads. I may or may not get this player working tonight might have to try again tomorrow.

for me, hiding hurts, or hiding the way i have spent money, or hiding any thing at all never works. and sharing is a good thing, i think , if the one you share with is honest, and keeps a confidence.

[cin1]

i have had three good, calm days. not one anger fit, not one feeling of any thing but calm. It is so nice to be where i am right now. i have begun to take a med, actually just a half of a pill, and it is really making a difference. i think i may have been like this a long time ago, really don't remember. But now, it is really nice.

My husband wants a divorce. He has gotten it in his head that I am having a relationship with someone at church. I have no idea where that came from. I really don't need this right now

(((Squiggle)))

I think I just terminated with my T.(in e mail) Can't afford gas money and husband doesn't get it.....

[rainbow_rose]

{{{{Calista+12}}}} {{{{Squiggle}}}}

[Rose76]

cin1 Good luck with the mp3 player. I wonder if it is your first. I think it could be a great tool. I still have never gotten an mp3 player or an ipold. And, man, those CD players are cumbersone to lug around with the CDs, and all. Let us know when you get it running, and if it helps.

[Rose76]

4 redheads - I'm glad it wasn't a big panic attack. I hope your T was supportive. I hope you felt better when it subsided. Glad to see you posting.