[Omers]

Last session T and I were talking about something totally normal and non-threatening... Our cats or something because we were under the 5min mark... it was almost time to go. In the middle of a sentence she sticks in "I know you are still scared to be here" and then goes on with the completely unrelated sentence. When she pauses at the end of the sentence she then says "that stirred something up" and then goes on with our conversation about cats.
I just want to scream "NO S* that stirred something up!!!!!!!"

Now she has stirred it up and left me in a weird space. Tuesday when I go in she will make no mention of it... Given her past history of poke and run she will not bring it up again for years if ever.
So... the logical thing would be for me to bring it up Tuesday... I SO get that... Thing is, I've tried it and it doesn't work. She insists that she has no memory what so ever of having said what ever it is she poked me with. Theoretically I can say "T, I am still scared to be here" as if she hadn't said it first. She will make some adjustment to how she is sitting to let me know she heard me and it is safe to keep talking but she won't say anything. Then we sit there and stare at each other because I don't know where to go with it other than putting it out there.

Perhaps I should make up "poke and run" tickets like a "hit and run" traffic ticket and hand it to her at the end of the session.

Anyone else have a T that does "poke and runs"?

[protector1973]

sounds like your sessions being wasted , thought about finding new t.

[ECHOES]

I think she may have been 'in the moment'. But sure, bring it up and tell her how it left you feeling as well as how you feel about being stirred up at the closing bell. Perhaps she wasn't as aware of the time?

[Omers]

Thanks.

Protector: If anything it is my fault. I am very difficult to work with. Trust is not my strong suit and then add to it that I am aspi and get stuck in behavior patterns. She is the only T I have worked with in a very long time that doesn't get angry with me about my trust issues. She too has suggested trying to work with someone else... I have just been too hurt by other T's to try with someone I don't know (current T taught at a school I went to and a friend took a class from her). The only other T in the state that I would consider working with is in the same office building... I would run into the same problem with them and the added snafoo of having a long term crush on them.

Echoes: I honestly wouldn't mind her hitting me with something right at the end of a session, sometimes that works really well with me.... I just need her to remember that she said it though!!! I can't tell if she honestly doesn't remember because she is in the moment or if she is trying to get me to do something. I think you are right about the 'in the moment' thing though.

[elliemay]

Oh man, I hate the poke and run. Doorknob therapy I think it is called.

My therapist also left me with a pile of stuff to carry for this week. It's hard to wrangle it into something manageable.

However, I've learned that I have to bring it up. It's not fun, but it's worth it. Even if they don't remember saying it, YOU DO. I think it doesn't matter even if they said it or not - it's what you heard that matters. And it really matters.

I always try to articulate exactly what bothered me about it. Sometimes I am successful, sometimes I don't have the words until later. Nonetheless, it's worth getting it out there.

[googley]

Hi Omers,
That really sucks. Usually it is the client who lets something out right at the end. It is called "doorknob therapy" as elliemay said. Usually a client will be walking out the door and add something really important or significant.

My only guess is that she ended up speaking something that was meant to be an internal thought. IE she was noticing that you were still uncomfortable in session, and ended up speaking it out loud to herself rather than just thinking it. So she didn't realize that she said it as she thought it was an internal thought. Ts are supposed to have things called 'silent hypothesis' about what is going on with their client. These are hunches that they are then supposed to see if they are accurate or not through the more information they get from their client. But they aren't supposed to bring them up with their client until they think their client is ready to talk about it. For example, if a client is abused as a child but denies having any negative feelings about their abuser. The therapist might think that there are some negative feelings about the abuser, but the client is not ready to talk about them. So the therapist would notice this, and then let it sit until they thought that the client was ready to acknowledge any negative feelings that are there. This is just an abstract example.

I hope you bring this up next session with your T.

[Omers]

Thanks,
Letting a thought slip is something my T would do and would explain the not remembering.
In the past she has shared her "hunches" (very gently) usually every other session until I was ready to answer honestly but she didn't do it and run. The last time she did it though I was upset about having lied to her about it for so long. She then felt bad about bringing it up too soon. That one involved someone she knows personally who calls her a friend and a very serious allegation... so that was harder for me.
God I wish T's came with instruction manuals!

I do know that she cares... a lot
I know she wants very much not to hurt me and she knows I hurt easy.
I know she gets frustrated with how scared I am even if she knows it's not my fault.

I know it's "unethical" but I wish she would put me on a leash or put a fence up to keep me in rather than doing poke and run or her getting close and my running.

[Perna]

I think I would look at her various poke and runs, see if I could see anything about them that could help me. If you were comfortable, talking about cats, etc. and she threw it in there, did that help any, lessen the fear a little because you were in a "cat" place before and after? Can you at least think about the fear a little better, knowing that it won't be directly looked at?

Sometimes I recognized that a little desensitization to even thinking about whatever the scary thing was was helpful, got me so I could think more and more about it, even if I still was not to the place where I could talk about it?

[sittingatwatersedge]

Omers, good luck tomorrow, I will be thinking of you.

I wonder if she realizes she is doing it? Maybe I'm just in brain-malfunction mode right now, but I can't think of a really good reason to "poke and run" as a therapist. It's my job to tolerate the discomfort of something, to show my clients that it is ok to do the same. If I jab and dodge, what am I teaching???

I've accidently stuck my foot in my mouth, or tripped over an issue at the very end of a session. But I've always (I think) acknowledged it and make a statement about us addressing it in further detail at next session.

I do hope your session goes well. I'm finding that I'm feeling a little, um, irritated, that T did it this way? Poke and run... Geez!

[Omers]

She has admitted that some times she gets ahead of me and feels badly about it. And there are times when she gets ahead of herself IMO. I know that she absolutely means no harm and cares about me. And the one time I did show really intense emotion with her she did sit through it with me and was OK with it. She has studied Gestalt (among others) therapy so she should be able to do emotions.
I also think that after 4 years (give or take) of working together she gets frustrated by how scared I get and how much it limits our ability to work together. She has made significant efforts to help me feel safe including having me bring my dog or one of my cats with me to our sessions (although I think she likes having a cat in the office)

If she would remember when she did this stuff I wouldn't mind so much! Bringing up something, letting it drop and giving me time can work very very well with me. It gives me time to think about it and then talk about it. Being Aspi that extra time is a huge help. BUT she has to remember!

[Omers]

Met with T. She didn't remember the "poke and run". Oh well.
We did have another important conversation that has been on my to do list for some time now. That went really well. I think she is starting to understand why she is a good fit for me... if only she had a memory

[sittingatwatersedge]

maybe next time she gives you a poke on the way out you can screech your tires coming to a halt and say whoaaaaa, this is what I am talking about,
and even if there's no time left she can't say next time that she doesn't remember......

[karebear1]

That's a fantastic idea SAWE! Good thinking!!!

[Omers]

ROFLMAO
I SO needed that this afternoon!!!!
hmmm.... oh the options....
an air horn
a squirt bottle of water
a nerf ball
One of those firework popper things with confetti
hmmmm.... what else can reach from the couch to her chair.... and not qualify me for an assault charge?

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by googley

Usually it is the client who lets something out right at the end. It is called "doorknob therapy" as elliemay said. Usually a client will be walking out the door and add something really important or significant.
.

I am commenting on something that isn't what you were discussing but I recognize that I have done 'doorknob therapy' once or twice. It's usually when I'm walking out the door mumbling something. What's cool is that my T remembers and brings it up next session whereas I have forgotten I even said it. Is that cool or what?

[Omers]

I am good with OT tangents... IMO they make threads more fun!
I did a BIG doorknob on one T... She got me... She didn't have a client after me so she called me back into the office and we had to talk about it!
Learned my lesson! no more doorknob therapy for me!